Speaking of those in our situations (divorced):

Do men or women have more of a need to be with someone on a romantic level? (Note that I didn't say "...have more of a DESIRE"...)

Why?


FR

Stereotypically speaking, I would say a woman. Typically a woman has Affection, Financial Security, etc high on their emotional needs list. These are needs best met while involved in a romantic relationship.

While us men typically have Sex, Sex, and oh yeah SEX high on our lists along with Recreation Activities. Quite bluntly, stereotypically speaking, mens primary needs can be met quite well (as long as he can score) without being involved romantically.

That all being said, in my case, after getting married last weekend, I'd say that our need for romantic involvment was about the same. I had that need, want, and desire for a long time but realized I wasn't in a place to accept and fully participate in a relationship therefore I bowed out of the arena until I knew my head was on straight.....

This is an interesting question. My first thought was "women", because of the "romantic" word. Then I was thinking "men", because it seems there are so many who jump from relationship to relationship, seemingly terrified to be alone.

So, I don't know my answer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> But I suppose that's one way of seeing the difference. Women seek "romance". Men seek "companionship" (and yes, sex <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />).

More of a need? Perhaps "need" isn't the right word and that "desire" actually is. Americans, especially American women, place a heavy emphasis on romantic love that isn't seen in other cultures. Romantic love is the first stage after the initial attraction in the evolution of a couple's relationship. It must give way to companionate love if the relationship is to survive. This doesn't mean that romantic love dies, but it becomes less important as time goes by. Funny, but our grandparents seem to have understood this implicitly. I believe that one of the primary reasons the divorce rate is so high in this country is because we put too much emphasis on romantic love, expecting that it will always remain as strong as it was in the beginning. This never happens and we become disillusioned with marriage, and then the troubles begin. This may account for the reason that arranged marriages in India have an almost non-existent divorce rate. These couples marry for reasons that have nothing to do with romance, and have very different expectations for the marital relationship. Sex roles, at least in terms of their interaction, as rather sharply defined, and there are strict social mores dictating how the spouses duties to one another. These include mutual respect, meeting financial and emotional needs, parenting roles and responsibilities, and, yes, meeting sexual needs (hence the Kama Sutra).

BTW, romantic love, as we understand today, it is a concept that is only about 800 years old, arising from Medieval Europe.

Hey FR,

I know I "want" romance and with the right person.
As far as NEED, I won't say I "need" it right now. I want it to be right, so I will wait.

"Need" on the other hand, in my opinion, is where the men come in. (I bet you will argue with me!)
Men, IMO, "need" to have that [romance]/sex thing and "possibly" may miss the romance in their pursuit of the latter.

Karona

Psssst...

Is OK to just say "I'm horney?"

hehehehehe

NO! Haha
what happened to the guy with all the "wise" advice??
I'm shocked, But, I'm laughing!

K.

Hey K:


Great answer. I agree completely. One of the most fun (and sometimes frustrating) things in life is waiting for it to be right. As so many "push" for it to happen too soon - and make more mistakes, it seems to me that it's much wiser to wait until it happens in it's own time. Whether it does or not has everything to do with our individual faith. Would you agree?




Well...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I don't care to argue, but I do disagree. I believe the opposite is true. However I feel this is one of those issues where both of us are correct and perhaps we should discuss this another time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR

I believe that the "need" is determined by the individual, regardless of gender.

In my own sphere of experience, however, if I were to COUNT HEADS, I would say I have seen more men than women jump into new relationships simply because they feel they cannot exist without one. I suspect it has little to do with their "maleness", however.

T

This is hard to answer for a few reason Fishracer. First, it's such an individual thing. Some of the need is also wrapped up in ability & willingness both to recognize the need & know how to fulfill it for yourself & your partner. Also, there is some confussion between sex,intimacy, & romanticism.

Not to generalize too much but men will often link sex & intimacy thinking sex with a love partner will show intimacy simply by the act itself.

We all know romance has its own very individual definition based on who you ask & how you ask it.

Quite the can of worms really.

Your statement is not a generalization, nams. It's a well-established fact. Psychologiests have understood this for years. But we CAN learn to delink the two and be intimate without sex.

FR~
I'm glad my first answer was good!
As far as the second one, I figured you wouldn't like it.
And I should have clarified it more maybe.
What I mean is, I believe in my experience, I have found it to be true. I was VERY easily replaced. How in the world can that happen so fast?
That is my reason why I say men have more a NEED.
I should have said, SOME men, because I do believe there some out there that would view this differently. And that, will be one of the ones I'm hoping to find, someday!

And really, I'm sure some women fall into the same category as well.
I wasn't trying to slam the male population in this.

K.

In the short run I think as a man, I have a desire for romance . But in the long run, I think its a need. I mean, I could probably go a year or two with no romance and survive well, but I can't imagine going 5-10 years with no romanc in my live. What an awful thought!

Interesting opinions on this. Notice (generally speaking) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> that men feel women are more "needy" and women feel that men are! Ah - the different perspectives.

I feel that gender has little to do with "needy" behavior. (I've seen extremes in both men & women.) My experience shows that "needy" behavior (like so many character-issues) is largely due to unmet needs from childhood.

However I feel that the "desire" to be in love with one person is good and healthy for all of us.

Keeping a distinction between "needy" and "desire" is very important and requires constant self-evaluation. As I feel the best and most powerful relationships should not begin with romantic-love, lust, etc. it is important that we strive to find a partner with like core values and then develop the romantic-love together, over time. These are the relationships that eventually define soulmates-type relationships.

JMHO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

FR

FR

Hi FR,

I am one of those women that loves romance but I don't feel an overwhelming NEED to have it.I know that I don't WANT it unless it is with the right person.It cannot be forced with just anyone.

But I also know I have a very high boredom and loneliess threshold which is why I am doing just fine now without any of that(sex too) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.It has to be special and feel good to me to be romantic with someone other wise it feels phoney and uncomfortable.So,I wait.I do need to be D'd first too.lol

I guess you could say as a woman,the EN of companionship isn't all that high.I have always needed to be alone at times but I do enjoy other's company.In other words,any relationship I have in the future will be icing on the cake but I already am fulfilled in most ways in my life and I don't need to depend on anyone else for most of the joy in my life.But I definitely would like to *share my life with someone again,one day.

O