Here is thought #2 from the same book.

"Asking a woman to analyze or try to fix her own emotions is a negation of her feminine core, which is pure energy in mortion, like the ocean. She can learn to surrender her mood to God, she can learn to open her heart in the midst of closure, she can learn to relax her edges and trust love, but she will never "fix" anything by analyzing her "problem".

What do you think of that quote?

Yea! I want option two!
I think it will depend on the woman, but I know I would LOVE to have my man take the initiative and surprise me. To know that he took the time and effort to do something especially for me...that would be AWESOME!!!

Oops, this shoudl have been to the first one, sorry!
But for this one...
This is CRAP!!! For me!
I'm constantly trying to better myself, ask, take a hard look so I can be better. I'd slap this guy if he was right in front of me! ; )

Pfft, I'm w/ Drita...total crap!

I realize we tend to be emotional creatures, but that doesn't mean we can't look at our own individual issues/problems and try to find a way to solve them or better ourselves....we just don't want our man trying to solve them unless we ask...we want sympathy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DW

I'm always trying to better myself, but when I reach out to a guy for support, I really don't want to feel like he's putting me down and telling me to "fix" my emotions. I want to be heard. Do guys feel the same?

Hey Justin - when asking these questions, I'd like to hear what you would like as a guy. Thanks

Fix her emotions doesn't make sense to me. What's to fix? We feel what we feel, it's the actions we take based on those feelings that may lead us to trouble.

If we're talking about a problem & saying a woman can't fix her problem by analyzing it then how do we go about fixing our problems? By guessing? Is the author trying to say we will always need to turn to a man for him to fix our problems? If he is, for me he's just lost LOTS of credibility.

Women are perfectly capable of fixing problems by analyzing them first. This one seems like a no brainer.

That particular kind of mars/venus style of babble is just goofy, in my opinion. I can't say I identify with it even remotely. It also makes it sound like it's ok to DJ a man's feelings, but not a woman's, which is silly.


It sounds dim to me. Every woman I know well at all fixes her life all the time by analyzing her problems and emotions. It sounds like the author is doing a poor job of trying to express that nobody likes to have someone else "diagnose" their problems and tell them unasked how to fix them. This is basic MB stuff -- don't DJ -- and it doesn't have a whole lot to do with gender.

It's tempting to *think* it's about gender, because the more emotionally intimate the relationship, the bigger issue it becomes, and since many men only ever have emotionally intimate relationships with women, they think this has something to do with some strange uniquely feminine thing. It doesn't. They just aren't attempting to bond emotionally to the men in their lives to such a degree of intimacy that this problem sticks out so much.

don't try to fix things...just listen to me vent and offer suggestions if the need arises

# two is more proper for men

I'm not overly emotional, but I think emotions can't be "fixed", people feel what they feel. It's how they deal with it that matters.

Yep--this one is harder to evaluate...and I am an INFP so I'm a FEELER baby, all the way!

Let's assume that the lovely lady is the more emotional one, and the fella is the more analytical, thinker one (as this is often the way it breaks down). So the lady is upset about something and says, "I feel hurt and sad." The fella, being an analyzer, says stuff like: "What happened? What hurt you? Give me facts. What can I do to fix it?" Sometimes he might say something like, "Well, analyze your feeling and tell me XYZ."

I think what the author is trying to say is that women do not "fix" their emotions by analyzing facts. I can't tell you how many times this kind of thing has occurred for me! I'll say,"I feel hurt that you're not spending time with me" and my SO says, "I do too spend time with you. I was just here yesterday and I spent all weekend with you last weekend." What has happened is that FACTS were analyzed, but the feelings were never addressed (or "fixed").

Thus, I think what the author is trying to say is that if a woman says to you "I feel..." don't respond with analysis and facts, respond with a mirror. For example a good response to "I feel hurt that you're not spending time with me" might be "So it sounds like you feel I'm not spending enough time with you. Would you like some more of my attention?"

Emotions can be like waves of the ocean--they flood in, and they wane...the wash over you, and then dissipate--but emotions are also one of the amazing STRENGTHS of being a woman. It would be a loss for a woman to lose some of her god-given feeler abilities, so don't try to "fix" emotions.



FNCJ