Another quote from the book I am reading:

"Sexual attraction is based on sexual polarity, which is the force of passion that arcs between masculine and feminine poles. All natural forces flow between two poles. The north and south poles of earth, the positive and negative poles of a batter, etc. In the same way, masculine and feminine poles between people create the flow of sexual feeling. This is sexual polarity."

Again, ladies, your comments are welcome.

What the...?
What does that mean?!
I like the first one. Number two and three... not so much! I feel sorry for you guys if this is the help you are getting! Isn't there an author that can put it in simple terms? Read Dr Phil!

Good grief.

Ok, so is his premise that the differences b/w men and women is what creates sexual chemistry, a Ying and Yang kind of thing?

Well duh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DW

The author will have to do a lot better explaining this bit of "wisdom".

Opposites attract?
Love flows?
Sexual energy is fluid?
The best sex happens with give & take?

He lost me on this one.

More lame => boring mars/venus-speak that happens to be trendy at the moment.

huh?

1+1=2... who would say... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Huh?

So, man + woman = sexual attraction? Then why are there so many sexually frustrated spouses? Too bad the forces of nature don't always align in real life. I guess he means you get to a woman through the North pole and the man is ruled by the South. This is nothing but facy worded jiberish.

Actually, he explains that. As a couple goes through the process of our modern life, they become absorbed with things like work, house, raising kids, and tend to become similar to each other. They become very similar like business partners or buddies working toward common goals. They both become depolarized, that is loose the masculine and feminine energy that attracted them to each other. The relationship becomes NEUTRAL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Opposites (male vs. female) attract. Neutral things don't . The rejuvination of sexual attraction becomes weak, but the things bother the partners remain strong. Thus they become frustrated, bored and often break up.

I think he does have a good point here. The key is to appreciate the differences between the sexes, and learn to enjoy them, rather than wondering why she doesn't think like a man, or why he can't express his feelings like a woman. Those attitudes miss the point.

A man who is a straight talking, no-nonsense kind of guy needs and is attracted to a woman who is a bit of a whirlwind, who process life randomly rather than in a logical, sequential way. And a man who is a random processor (maybe 10% of men) needs a woman who is very logical and straight forward, and less emotionally reactive.(again a minority of woman).

It's the differences that create the energy that attracts one to the other. Of course, the difference cannot be carried to extremes or the energy created will be to much to allow either party to happily exist in a relationship. In other words, to much of a good thing!

So, does that make more sense?

JE,

I'm not sure about the example above. I'm exaggerating here, but does that mean the fidel will attract the infidel because they are opposites? Yikes!

Justin,

Thank you for including that explanation because I have to admit, before that I had NO CLUE what that author was talking about, and now I completely get it.

Okay, speaking only for myself, this makes complete sense to me AND also coincides with my own experience...to a degree. If you read my signature line, you'll see that I'm an INFP (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeler, Perceiver). This means that I'm the emotional whirlwind type! heehee <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Now, I was previously married to someone who was my complete polar opposite (ESTJ) and that actually drove me NUTS because we had no common way to communicate with each other. Not only was I female and he male...but he always wanted to go out and I was a homebody--he experienced things through his senses and I through intuition--he was analytical and I was emotional--he was black and white and judgmental and I was openminded and saw possibilities. The complete polar opposite like that was EXTREMELY difficult to live with and function with because we did not experience things similarly or ever feel like the other person "got" us. Thus, although it was an exercise in expanding my horizons and trying to be a better person--it was EXTREMELY frustrating!! Therefore, my conclusion would be that being male and female AND complete personality opposites is NOT a good match.

HOWEVER...

I would definitely agree that being male and female with similar personality types..and acknowledging and accepting the differences of being male and female is EXCELLENT! As an example, my current BF is an INTP (Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinker, Perceiver)--so we are both homebodies, we both experience things intuitively, and we are both open-minded and see thousands of possibilities. As is fairly typical, he is a Male and a Thinker (Mr. Analytical) and I am a Female and a Feeler (Miss Emotional)...but these are our STRENGTHS! These are the things that are our most positive attributes, not something we want to neutralize. I know that I can depend on him to think of every possibility and angle, and come up with a well-thought-out plan...and he knows that he can depend on me to keep our social schedules going and to send birthday cards to all the relatives, etc. Because I'm a girl and that stuff is important to me.

Soooo...rather than getting caught up in the current trend of the WOMAN bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan, and the MAN becoming Mrs. Doubtfire...we accept our maleness and femaleness and it tends to continue the attraction between the male and the female. The male is attractive because he's all masculine and strong and dependable...and the female because she's all soft and feminine and gentle. Staying within some definitions of what it means to be a man and be a woman keeps the sexual attraction flowing.

That's my humble opinion.




FNCJ

That's about where it leads.

I think the basic point is good -- that people sometimes start to loose sight of caring for their spouse in the ways that created the strong feelings of love in them in the first place.

But I don't see the whole "opposites" thing leading anywhere helpful based on what's been posted about what this author has written so far. "Be more masculine or feminine or more opposite to each other" doesn't help much because it's way too vague and people may have some really weird notions about what that means. But again Harley makes the main point a whole lot more coherently, and has very specific advice about what to do instead of vague handwaving.