Who was the guy who tried out eHarmony and got dozens of responses from eager women?

I want to find out his secret.

I want to find out too & hope I can do the same...with men of course. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Justin, is it fair to assume you are no longer looking for a place to get away from women? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

what, no more lady friend justin????? i can't remember who that was with the emharmony stuff.. it was an older gent i know that. look up old posts....

i knew someone who did eharmony, met someone and like less than 6 months later they are getting married... they need their heads examined! lol mlhb

I tried eHarmony, but wasn't happy using it.

I do remember a guy from here though that was all about it, sorry, don't remember his name.

Good luck if you try it.

Karona

It was Hobbes1, posting here. .

I don't know if I'd be looking for his secret; quantity rarely equates quantity. I think that as he was coming out of a 39 year marriage, with lots of pain that was not yet dealt with, he found himself to be a kid in the candy store in the online dating world. But, he hasn't posted since, so I doubt he's in pig heaven. Or maybe he is, what do I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

I thought I might give it a try. I have been hiding out, doing things with friends and not activly looking for a woman. My "do nothing" policy still seems to work well. I am amazed at how "attractive" I become when I don't actively pursue women. (OK, I do passivly persue them by being around them, by doing things that women like to also do, etc.)

This "do nothing" approach is the best idea I ever came up with. I could tell you stories!

I thought I would see if I could improve on it, by going on eHarmony, doing nothing, and seeing if the ladies would contact me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Tell us stories! Tell us stories!

geez justin, trying to feel like a babe magnet or what? haha "oh yes, the women, they just flock to me..." lol

maybe we women like to be pursued you know! i for one won't chase.... if one is interested they will let me know... once i know they are, i will reciprocate of course... but it is so unattractive and needy of a woman to chase i think...

hmmm... just my thoughts... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> mlhb

I know that Hobbes is also in a somewhat "favorable" demographic - the ratio of girls to guys in his age range on E-harmony (and probably other sites) is in the guys' favor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

When I tried their free compatability profile, I was told that their "matching model could not accurately predict with whom I would be best matched". I didn't take it personally. Should I have?

mlhb, actually, I don't feel at all like a 'babe magnet'. In fact, I am rather ordinary looking, somewhat geeky really. Most of the hair on top of my head is gone, I have big ears that stick out, etc. Not ugly, but not handsome. When I enter a room, women do NOT turn their heads to watch me walk in. Trust me on that. The vast majority of single women in my age range do NOT want to date me. I know this from experience. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Justin is NOT a babe magnet.

And they don't chase me.

I think the "do nothing" approach works - and here I am guessing - for several reasons. First, it eliminates the perception that I am desperate. Women can detect a desperate man a mile away and they usually run like h!!l the other way. Second, it eliminates the perception that I am just out for sex. Again, when women detect that they run the other way. At least the one's I want to date do. Third, It allows us to get to know each other in the safe environment of 'friends'. I am more relaxed and so is she. Women are comfortable with this. Fourth, the friendship relationship makes it easier for her to be more assertive. I'll post a story that is an example of that.

These are my beliefs. I could be wrong.

Ok here is one of my stories. I swear this is true.

I met a women at a BBQ at a friends house. Very nice, educated, financially independent, and fun. She is cute but obviously has trouble with her weight. Not fat, but in the "more than a few extra pounds" area.

We have a lot in common, and talked at the BBQ a lot. A few days later, she calls me and asks for help assembling some furniture she recently bought. She agreeably offers dinner in exchange, and I agreeably accept. I get her furniture setup, she makes us a nice dinner, and we talk about many common interests until 11:00 when we give each other a hug and I go home. No romantic stuff at all.

Over the next 2-3 months we see each other from time to time at friend's parties, and meet for lunch twice. Again, nothing romatic happens, but it is clear we enjoy each other's company and have a lot of common interests and values.

She invites me to spend the weekend at the family cabin. It has one bedroom and a sofa bed in the living area. That's where I will be sleeping.

The first night as sleepy time approaches,I take a quick shower, emerge, (fully dressed) from the bathroom and look around for my suitcase. It's been moved to the bedroom. :0 I move it back to its corner in the living area and go to bed on the sofa bed.

The next day, we hike around in the woods, return to the cabin for dinner. After dinner, I go out to the car to get some stuff I left in it and lock it up for the night. When I return my suitcase is back on the bedroom bed, next to hers! ;->

I believe that since she was very comfortable with me, due to our friendship, it was easier for her to be more assertive about what where she wanted the relationship to go.

lol justin! assertive in a round about way huh? she didn't just say "take me now right here justin...!" she just kept moving your suitcase... that's funny and cute...

so.... did you move the suitcase back into the living room, or leave it there next to hers???? a finish to this story is a must now! lol

mlhb

mhlb,

I don't kiss and tell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She has some issues that make her unsuited for an LTR with me. For example, she is very out of shape. I had to scale back our already modest hiking goals because she could not keep up. Also, her spiritual beliefs include "ascended masters" and other such things. Mine don't. Finally, she is fiercely independent (the result of two poor marriages).

We had a long talk about these things, our friendship, and emotional needs.

Let's just say that we did NOT have sex. But, we did spend a very close and affectionate time together.

ok, gotchya justin...lol so the suitcase got moved halfway back to the living room, not ALL the way back! haha mlhb

mlbh, I notice that you are relatively young (compared to my friend and I) and that you are NOT getting any older. Congratulations on that achievement.

But, my friend is getting older and this is, interestingly, one of the factors that drives her behavior. She knows that demographics do not favor the females after the mid 50's. One of her comments to me was to the effect that she still enjoys the 'special benefits' of being with a man, and she realized she needs to be more assertive.

I guess it all depends on what and who a woman is comfortable with. I've given up trying to figure this out.

"relatively young" hahaha lol that's funny...
yes, i like to think i am young justin! i feel better and look better now than i did 10 years ago believe it or not. i feel younger now and more alive than i did at 25. i am a much more relaxed fun person than i was then too. i was pretty boring and uptight in my 20's. life is so much more fun if you just loosen up a bit. i am very laid back now and love it. i think i am extremely easy to get along with as well. as far as what women are comfortable with, etc... good thinking that you have stopped trying to figure that out... i am a woman and I CANNOT figure women out! most women drive me a little nuts.. haha

hey, if doing nothing is working well for you, than keep up the good work! if it ain't broke don't fix it.... we had a topic once about grocery stores and bumping into carts with someone... maybe you could try that approach next.... it's working for me so far.... mlhb

""" was pretty boring and uptight in my 20's. life is so much more fun if you just loosen up a bit. i am very laid back now and love it. i think i am extremely easy to get along with as well."""

and........

"""me, I am 34 and not getting any older, educated, high maintenance, and a snob"""".


yeah RIGHT!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

well well well... if it's not my friend sturgis...

where have u been lately?? out harassing other educated not getting any older snobs i suppose? lol

mlhb

been hangin around here......reading more than typing....
but every now and again i cant resist!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

just gettin on with life...busy now that summer is here... bought a place in mexico...been spending alot of time there!!!

hows life for you????

been doing great actually thanks for asking. out of college for the summer, just working and hanging with my kids. catching as many sun rays as i can, been raining more than anything else. getting to know a great guy and seeing where it will go. chancing that i will get completely blasted off of the board, make all kinds of waves, and get AGG going, i will say that it is gekko! ah he**, he told me awhile ago he didn't care if i said anything so there i just did! not like anyone on the board could not have figured it out anyway. been talking for several months now and planning a get together soon. time will tell and we shall see what happens. so far everything clicks pretty well but we are in no hurry and just enjoying talking and getting to know eachother. and that's all i will say on that!

house in mexico sounds great. lucky you! mlhb

raining??? whats that..... its been around 95-100 all week out here in cali....was at lake mojave last week catchin rays myself....(and a buzzzzzzz!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

right on with the "love connection"!!! i been with the same gf for about 1 1/2 yrs....still goin strong, so who knows right... just take it "one day at a time" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

yup, one day at a time is all you can do... friends first and really take the time to really get to know someone.. and that is half the enjoyment to me.

i live wayyyyyyyyy up north in the new england states.. we rarely see the 90's and 100's even during a good summer! lol

time for work, take care. mlhb

mlhb and gekko, sitting in a tree, hehehehe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

No blasting from me, you two are grown kids, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

AGG, you must get together with my kids. They love singing that song at me and watching me blush. They tease me unmercifully about M. and I have to just live with it, knowing I won't get even when they have boyfriends.

Another MB romance. I like it. Have fun.

well, don't be getting all ready to go to a wedding or anything yet! just slowly building a good deep solid friendship and connection first and seeing where it goes from there...

cute AGG real cute.... lol
i don't want to grow up...!

mlhb

Like we all didn't see THAT one coming from a mile away <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

yea, i know... can't get anything past you guys!
mlhb

can't get anything past you guys huh?? lol
mlhb

I was not impressed by E-Harmony myself. I did two three-month subscriptions and won't renew again. I kept an open mind but there was not a single person who interested me enough to meet. I did get to the "open comments" stage with ONE (and only ONE) person...but as soon as we got to that stage he wanted to talk on the phone, not email, and I wasn't ready for that.

Almost every single match was about ten years older than me (my range was about 31-45). I was willing to date someone that much older, but can't believe there wasn't anyone closer to my age. An attractive mate is pretty important to me--and I must say my range that I find attractive is VERY wide and there were only a couple of matches that I found attractive, even when I became less picky and lowered my 'standard' there weren't many more.

Shrug...wasn't a "bad" experience...but was not impressed!

I joined match.com and have had 2 responses in a week. what am I doing wrong other then the fact that I married a control freak and a total slob? Funny my kids come over to my new place and keep saying they want to live here because it isnt a pit of despair.

I tried E-harmony for a month. Had 10 to 12 possible "matches". I found, however, that there were outright "dealbreakers" among many of them. These dealbreaking issues had been clearly stated on my profile/interests, etc.

Also, I am a plus-sized woman. I know that weight is an issue for most men. I'm not saying that judgmentally but realistically. E-harmony doesn't post your photos initially. (That may have changed now. This was probably over a year ago.) I wrote to them and asked why. I explained that I accepted that weight is often an issue in finding a woman attractive, and I'd rather know it upfront. Save time, energy and hurt feelings for all involved.

They responded something to the effect that successful relationships aren't just based on appearance. That often if people get to know one another well first that's what really matters in creating a successful relationship. I disagree. I dropped my membership after a month.

What I didn't like about E-Harmony was the computer doing all the matching. I didn't get ANY I really liked. One person did contact me as a match & we're still friends after about 1 1/2 years, but she lives nearly 1000 miles away.

It just takes too much control away & I agree that a visual attraction at the early onset is just far too important to the vast majority of human beings to ignore like they do.

Also, the computer doesn't do well with deal breakers.

Not for me.

Hi folks... I'm _AD_ from over on GQII... just dropping in.

I tried eHarmony for awhile right after my divorce. I thought I was ready for all that. Anyway, my comments are

* Every single one of these sites will "match" you to people who are not yet subscribers and who cannot contact you without paying money. Some sites tell you that up front (one even lets you pay the bill for a non-subscribing member who interests you). E*harmony (at least last year) did not give you any clue that these 10 ladies who don't respond to your communications may have just dropped in on a lark, signed up, never paid and never came back. EHarmondy, unlike some sites, does not tell you when that person last logged into the site. So, you wait and wait for them to reply. They should be up-front and tell you "this profile is from a non-subscribing member" - who was last on-line 3 weeks ago.

* The so-called "scientific" matching isn't very scientific. They ask you a thousand (or so) multiple-choice questions. A typical question might be "On a scale of 1 to 5, how sensitive are you?". Well, there are many quite different meanings of "sensitive". For example, it might mean that you cry when somebody says a not nice thing to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Or it might mean that you are attentive to other people's needs. How can they learn anything useful about who I am by asking ambiguous questions?

* There is no accomodation for goals. It's all about personality. Me, I want a family - more children - and I'm 48, so probably I was one of the guys that you ladies were rejecting as "too old", and meanwhile, I was rejecting ladies who didn't clearly want a family. But, the system won't do that for you.

* I believe there are twice as many women on e*harmony as there are men. All the same, I got very few matches and only 3 or 4 that progressed as far as email. Two ladies sent me phone numbers quickly (and unasked for).

* Because there were very few matches, I had to expand my geographic parameters. But, I don't relish the idea of a long distance relationship. I want to be able to meet for lunch or coffee or just to go for a walk. That seems much more natural than talking to somebody for months and then planning a major trip just to meet them.

* I think the situation may be better in larger cities where the density of subscribers is higher.

* I never could find a photo of myself that I like. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I closed out my account.

I also tried match.com - which works differently, but I closed that one too.

I'm going to do it the old-fashioned way... if I ever get around to it.

-AD