To me, scorekeeping means doing something for someone else and making a mental note of it, sort of "here is one" things.
OK, I understand this, but, again, not everyone is 'a score keeper' you can see right away, not so many people would say (when they are happy with their Taker and Giver) - 'you know, if I do this thing to you you will have to do that thing for me' - they say it when they are hurt, when their needs are not met...
If you don't make a mental note of it - at that moment, nor later on - but when you are hurt and your needs are not met, or when someone accuses you of not meeting their needs - then you recall some things that you were giving but yet not recognized... isn't it 'score keeping' too?
Also, how can you differ WHEN "a mental note" is made? (in order to 'clasify' someone to be (or not) a score keeper?
And, at the end, what's the difference?
I see just wrapping different and the same 'gift' when you un-wrap it...
I.e. - we cannot avoid making 'mental notes', sooner or latter, from this or another reason, therefore in all of us there is a little score keeper <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
So for me, I don't keep track of "I always pay for the dates, I always make the phone calls, I always cook", etc - but then again, I don't want to hear my partner say "I always drive to your place, I gave up having babies for you, I would have to relocate"...
Ok, I got that
But when she mentions, you recall what you do (for her, for you(plural)), right?
Someone could say you keep score of what you have been doing to/for her/your R too?
I mean... what would she have to say that it doesn't sound as a score keeping?
(For me, she might just be reproaching... for she feels she gave more than she took...)
- that would imply that she was doing things that her Taker was not happy with - but that is her fault, not mine. Does that make sense
It would imply... actually it looks like it does
I question if it's her fault (only) though...
I didn't want her to be a martyr, no one asked her to do those things if she didn't want to - but she kept score and resented me.
What if that was (her doings) the only way to be with you?
What if she wanted and did but didn't get her needs met, then reminded you, in order to see that you have to forfeit some things too (and love and family IS sacrifice of many own needs), in order to make you change and meet her needs?
I agree, not good way of saying 'I tried I did many things for you and you were happy with, but you didn't (enough, at all) try to do the same in things that would make me happy'...
Btw, what would be for you a good way to say that?
(and not to sound-like/be 'a score keeper' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)