Trying to Understand Divorced People :\ - 01/15/07 12:30 AM
Note the irony in the title, I am divorced too. This is a spin-off to AGG's trying to understand women thread. I didn't want to muck up his thread with my own introspection and pontification.LOL
Is anyone as disheartened reading his thread as I am with all the negative assumptions and generalizations about a specific group of people? I just wonder if anyone (besides me) ever thought that if we knew so much about choosing the "right" one, then why are we divorced now? I know that sounds simplistic and that alot happens between "I do" and the big D. We grow and change. Doo-doo happens. What we or they wanted then is not the same thing now.
I remember making a list of the desired qualities the first time. I thought I did a good job of marrying someone who fit those qualities. In the end, it really meant nothing.
Has anyone (besides me) ever made a list of the qualities that they THOUGHT were important only to fall in love with a completely different type of person? In my case, it turned out that what I thought I wanted was not what I needed. And what I needed wan't necessarily what I wanted. Wasn't it the Scottish poet Robert Burns who reminded us the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry?
I sometimes wonder if as divorced people we don't run the risk of over analysis without corrective action. We are so busy with preconcieved ideas of what we think we want that we forget all about the other half of the battle - being the kind of person that they would want. In an attempt to avoid the red flags and mistakes from the past, don't we set ourselves up for another yet unthought-of type of failure?
Do we look too hard for guarantees that it won't happen again when the reality is, and for as much as we don't want to admit it, that's it's still just a crap shoot?
Is anyone as disheartened reading his thread as I am with all the negative assumptions and generalizations about a specific group of people? I just wonder if anyone (besides me) ever thought that if we knew so much about choosing the "right" one, then why are we divorced now? I know that sounds simplistic and that alot happens between "I do" and the big D. We grow and change. Doo-doo happens. What we or they wanted then is not the same thing now.
I remember making a list of the desired qualities the first time. I thought I did a good job of marrying someone who fit those qualities. In the end, it really meant nothing.
Has anyone (besides me) ever made a list of the qualities that they THOUGHT were important only to fall in love with a completely different type of person? In my case, it turned out that what I thought I wanted was not what I needed. And what I needed wan't necessarily what I wanted. Wasn't it the Scottish poet Robert Burns who reminded us the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry?
I sometimes wonder if as divorced people we don't run the risk of over analysis without corrective action. We are so busy with preconcieved ideas of what we think we want that we forget all about the other half of the battle - being the kind of person that they would want. In an attempt to avoid the red flags and mistakes from the past, don't we set ourselves up for another yet unthought-of type of failure?
Do we look too hard for guarantees that it won't happen again when the reality is, and for as much as we don't want to admit it, that's it's still just a crap shoot?