I posted about a month ago about meeting someone and him saying he would callme..Well, he called..and we are supposed to meet this week. I am a nervous wreck, I guess because I think it could be "fate" that we met again. Call me silly, but it was really odd, if he wouldn't have remembered me, I never would have recognized him..

Anyway, when I first meet people, I don't have a problem talking about anything. It can range from sports, pets, family, STBXH, kids, work, morals, standards, etc.

Yet, for some reason, I am nervous about what we are going to talk about. I think our meeting is to see if we have an interest in dating each other.
Typically, you meet someone and talk for a couple of hours and realizing you like them or are interested ,then decide to go out. This seems more like we are "interviewing" each other.

Any suggestions on what topics you would find fun, interesting, engaging, whatever. I would like him to enjoy the "interview" enough to want to see me again.

HELP.....this is insane, I never act this way..

Talk about the things you enjoy most - those are the things you will be most confident about! And don't forget to ask him about his hobbies, work, likes, dislikes and history! Once you get going, it will be fine!

Tabby - Thanks for the reply - One thing I will keep to a minimum - is my passion - my horse. The 1st time we met I was on my way to the barn and wearing the full attire. When he called he asked "is this the horse lady?" So I don't want to over do the horse thing. I don't want to be seen as "obsessive". Yet, as you know we girls could talk horses for days on end.

Since I am talkative - I thought I would turn the table alittle and be the one asking the questions. But, I would like to keep it lite, my cousin is great at asking questions, but she comes off like it is an "interview'.

Unfortunately, you're right, it is a kind of interview I suppose. How did we do it when we were young? It was so easy. Be yourself, be honest. Don't talk too much about the X and all the pain you've been through. If it works out, there will be plenty of time for that later.

If the conversation flows naturally, then you have chemistry. If it's stilted then maybe you have nothing in common and are barking up the wrong tree. However, don't be put off that you may not have the same interests, opposites attract and all that.

Most of all have fun. Smile - a lot.

Dating is fact finding, testing boundaries, seeing if anything's there. I'm sure it will come naturally, go with your instincts. Humans have been around for quite a long time doing this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good luck.

I tend to think that Mendelson's theory is an appropriate topic for a first date. Or how about something light-hearted and witty such as discussing what a chair would look like if your knees bent the other way.

Seriously, relax and have fun and talk about whatever comes up. Don't think about it too much in advance because I think it looks rehearsed and unnatural.

IMO, just let it flow.

Things not to talk about on the first date:

Your Kids
Sex- or lack thereof
Bathroom habits
Marriage
Your Kids
Mating habits of the Galapygos Tortoise
How much you still love or hate your ex husband or boyfriend
Your kids

That's really it. Everything else is pretty much fair game.

hmmmmm.............me thinks Tibolt does not like kids.

Ohh, I love children, but these single moms don't realize that I am not there to date their kids, I am there to date them. I would rather not even have to meet someone's children until I am pretty serious with THAT INDIVIDUAL. And while I understand that kids may be a very important part of your life, frankly if that's all you have to offer, then it isn't enough to warrant a second date.

Ithurts, I've been there, done that. A few months ago I was asked on a first date by B.. we'd corresponded a bit about the game we both play (geocaching) but we didn't really *know* each other. We'd met face to face at a group function a few weeks prior to his asking me out - but it was in a group situation where everyone knew a few people there, but were meeting others for the first time - some are single, some married - some kids there (including mine) etc.

When B asked me on a date I was both flattered and mortified. I've had a relationship since my marriage ended, but it was with someone with whom I'd been acquainted for several years through business so it wasn't a "stranger" per se. I was in two minds whether to even accept or not but thought, "what the heck"...

I was a nervous wreck. What to talk about - what not to talk about... and when I get nervous, I talk way too much - and sometimes it's like watching a train wreck - I'll know I'm doing it but can't seem to stop (although I'm learning).

Anyway - we hit it off famously - he chatted as much as I did and we both laughed about how we can go all motor-mouth when we're nervous - and that knowledge seemed to put us both at ease. We talked for hours anyway LOL... we were the last to leave the restaurant and talked for 2 more hours in the parking lot!

3 months later, we're still dating exclusively and life is good.

When I accepted the invitation I figured if it was excruciating, I'd just chalk it up to experience and move on. I had no expectations - but I was most pleasantly surprised. If it had been excruciating I wouldn't have beaten myself up over it either.

Try not to talk about your ex - or if you must, keep it to a minimum, and don't slam him - that doesn't make you look good at all. I did mention my ex - since we own a business together and still see each other nearly daily it was relevant. He mentioned his past relationship briefly too - then commented that he shouldn't probably do so - and we both agreed that it's a part of our history and who we are - so just be matter-of-fact if it comes up and don't dwell.

I asked questions about what B does and such. He already knew what I did - in fact he picked a restaurant with an aquarium because he thought I'd like it (and I did!) - as well he likes seafood and he helped build the place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So i was a thoughtful choice of venue for our first date. I was impressed with his attention to detail.

But I digress... start with something benign like the weather or whatnot and go from there. It's likely that he'll be a bit nervous too - so just try to relax and run with it.

I'm sure you'll be fine - and, if it's excruciating... you aren't obligated to go out with him again! Take that pressure off yourself and you'll find that it's not so bad. In my case, I figured worst case scenario I spend a couple of hours with someone once, and if it's a bust - that's that.

As it happened, B is a wonderful man and we're having a great time going places and doing things as a couple.

Keep us posted and let us know how it goes!

JinGA

how did ure date go?

You are a horse person??!!! Yes, we can be obsessive but if there was one thing missing in my M, it was a shared passion for horses. Any new relationship I enter will be fully aware and understanding of my addiction. Risky in the beginning? Probably, but it may also serve as a screening tool.

Yes Tabby - I am a horse person - I was one of the posters on UDBB that suggested you come here to MB for support and healing while you were going thru your maritial breakdown.

Anyhow - Before the date, I re-read parts of Dr. Phil's book on dating. I had at least 5 questions ready to ask. I also was determined NOT to talk much about myself.
Well, I never got to ask nor answer many if any questions.

He talked non-stop....But he never really said anything personal about himself. He quickly stated he was married/divorced when he was in his 20's. I did find out he is younger than me, by 5 years. I am glad he didn't ask how old I was.

Our conversation, made me feel like he wasn't really even interested in ME.

At the end of the evening, there was a good nite kiss and some chatting in my car. IMHO he was quite forward when he stared talking about sex. It wasn't an offer to have it, but I bet if I would have suggested it, he would gone along with it. I did have to tone down the conversation and his touchy feely hands. I reminded him that it was our first date, and not appropriate. He was fine with that.

Believe me when I say, Nothing I did or wore during that date nor the other 2 times we bumped into each other, would suggest that I am "easy". Do some men just try to see how far they can get?

Anyway, I left the date feeling "let down", he didnt' seem at all like the kind of person I thought he may be or what I was hoping for. I did have a good time, laughing, etc. but I guess I felt disillusioned in who he was. He has texted and called while he's been out of town, and I would like to go out with him again. Maybe he was nervous and that's why the conversation went the way it did.

I couldn't really tell if he's interested in "dating" me or just having a new friend with benefits. How do I go about finding that out???

OK - Since our date - I have heard from him at first it was every 3 days, then 2. He would text or call, I've never initiated a call or a text..Should I ???? Or should I still sit back and wait for him to make the moves?

He mentioned making dinner for me - I was ok with that, said he wanted to have all his decorating done, etc. before I came over which he thinks will be 12-15. That's weird our first date was 11-9 and now the 2nd is almost a month later? That doesnt' seem normal to me, does it??? I would think some time in between we could met for a drink or dinner/movie?? He won't be out of town, so what's up?

Maybe he's like my WH who has many women, that's scary. Maybe I just better find myself too busy to even see him again..What you all think???

My older brother has horses and he absolutely loves his horses. I don't understand it, but I accept it as I love all animals.

I am a bird person and my requirement of my next wife will be that she accepts my love of cockatoos and parrots or shares the same passion for them.

I never want to feel bad for rescuing an injured bird ever again. I want it welcomed into our home as I nurse it back to health or raise the chick to a healthy adult.

My GF loves birds and my cockatoo Roxy, loves her more than I have ever seen her have any attraction to any person.
She can get on Tab's nerves, but she is learning how to handle such a large and exotic bird.

IS HE SINGLE??????????????

Anyway - WH and I do not share the same compassion, love of all animals. For me, my horse and the connection/bond we share is very fullfilling. I don't think WH cares one way or the other about animals. They don't touch him, the way they do me. I've gotten to the point where if a guy doesn't like animals (in general) he's not for me. End of subject..

It's not like this new guy doesn't know about my horse, but I doubt he realizes that depending on the situation, my horse comes first.

I think it is wonderful that you have found someone that shares your love of birds. As a little girl, I watched the movie "The Birds" and it took many years before I got over fearing them.
I have two friends who have a rescue/bird sanctuary. If it came to them eating or the birds, the birds would be feed first. She rehabs injured animals and then release them to the wild again.


Hugs

Show your friend these.

I just wanted to bump this up so you all could see that I updated my original post.

Thanks

Is he poor? Can he not afford a movie or lunch in the interim. I think a month is a long time to go before a second date without and obvious reason.

What do you think about this?

He could have talked non-stop because he was nervous (the first date jitters).

What's your gut saying? Do you really like this guy? Is he okay for a casual dating experience/R? It might be good to date casually, infrequently for awhile if you enjoy his company/friendship.

If he pushes for SF while at his house for your second date, I'd have to cut my losses and move on at that time, I think.

But what do you think?

We could do rock paper scissors for him!

ITHURTS

I could easily be wrong but it doesn't seem like this guy is a casanova with multiple women... he actually sounds the opposite:

1) Jittery, non-stop talk means he was nervous.

2) The sexual advances would be normal for a lonely guy who hasn't had a date in awhile... remember guys tend to be more "horny" if you get my drift

3) this guy did all the talking during the date... he texted you a bunch of times... you have never initiated contact... what is motivating him to ask you out sooner? confident men have no problem making all the moves and would probably have made more by now... this guy sounds almost shy with a fake exterior

here is a test... shoot him a quick email... ask him out to lunch or something simple... if he agrees quickly, then i'd be willing to bet that i'm right

Sorry girls, he's married. Been so since like 1970 when he turned 18 and was drafted to the Nam.
He and his wife has been married ever since.

I honestly thought I would be like them, but alas my wife HATED them and it was one of the many causes of friction in my "marriage".

my WW hated my family too pariah... been there, done that, bout to burn the T-shirt

I don't think he's poor. And really lunch isn't mega $$$. Since it was dark I couldn't make out if his truck was older or not. He was dressed nicely, and ordered a nice dinner. Job wise, he talked like he likes what he does, though he didn't brag or boast about the financial end of it. Though, He did mention that when he travels (he's semi self-emplyed) he stays at very low end hotels. Was that an indicator?

If it turns out that I do like him, and he is poor, that could be an issue. Not that I want someone w/tons of money, but I am use to a certain lifestyle. That's the main reason WH and I are still legally M. To alot of people I am very well off financially. Once I get D, that could change.

I had a date Friday (w/someone else) and I had no problem buying him a few drinks, I didn't expect him to pay for everything. And I had a nice time, we shared conversation it wasn't all 1 sided, I had a chance to ask questions and so did he. I've known him for quite a few years so it wasn't like the other guy,we were pretty comfortable w/each other already.

My gut says he is dating "someone", maybe it's not serious, but he doesn't want to jeopardize it either. I could be wrong.



ABSOLUTELY !! I have to get to know him or anyone I choose to date b-4 I hop into bed. And maybe he's just playing the aloof game and then he'll pounch on me. I'm treating this one a little differently, I have no problem walking out the door and deleting him from my "phonebook" if necessary. And really since I'm not even sure that I like him, having SF w/him is not an option for him.

Update - He texted Monday, called Tues, then nothing. Called Sat. to confirm the dinner/date.
He called around 5 last Sat and again this Sat. Weird that it was the same time of day..

CharlieThree:
OR it could be arrogance and ego (like WH)


True, or he could be testing the waters to see if I'm "easy", One of his texts also had a sexual tone, which I just brushed off. I don't want to date someone who hops into bed on the 1st date or so.


CharlieThree - You are so smart...I have thought of doing just that, but then, there goes my aloof attitude, don't wanna chase him. Heck, I'm not even sure I like him yet !!!
Yet, that would be a good test. If I have time this week, I will send a text confirming our dinner date, say hey, I'm in the area, wanna met for a quick drink, and see what happens.