How I became the bad guy. What should I do now? - 07/29/10 11:29 PM
Discovered my wife was having an emotional affair about
a year ago, confronted her about it and she asked for
a divorce. By the time I found out, she had already
divided up the furniture, calculated the child support and
was looking for a place to live. She refused to consider
a legal separation, counselling, or any talk of working it
out. We started working on the divorce and separation
and finally got her set up in her own place about 5 months
ago. Until she moved out, I read every book I could get
my hands on and tried everything imaginable to get her to
change her mind, even talked her into going on a
non-romantic weekend getaway, but even during the getaway
she would call/text her "friend" when she didn't think
I would notice. The day she moved out, I accepted the
divorce, started telling friends and relatives and started
trying to move on with my life. As I started telling
people about our pending divorce, I consistently got the
same response of "we thought she was controlling and mean
to you". I never thought much about it while we were
married, but I do remember many times thinking that it
was borderline verbal abuse but just shrugged it off at the
time. About a month after she moved out, I met someone
else who shared most of the same hobbies/interests/qualities
as my ex but who was the complete opposite of controlling
and very passive. We have now been friends for several
months, seeing and talking with each other almost every day.
About a month before our divorce was final, my ex broke up
with her "friend" and then a week before our divorce asked
me if I wanted to postpone the divorce or maybe get legally
separated instead. I told her (honestly) that at this point
it would be easier to get remarried than to postpone the
divorce. We are now legally divorced and my ex is now
wanting to work on our relationship while I don't think I
want to. At this point, I have spent over 4 months trying
to get over her and 2 months seeing someone else who I
feel is alot more compatible with me and much easier to
get along with. Now that I am legally divorced, I would
like to officially start dating this other girl but
because my ex and I have several small children together,
a small part of me feels like I should try to work things out.
If I thought we could work things out, I might be willing
to give it a try for the kids, but I really don't give it
a high probability of success as I am no longer willing to
put up with her controlling nature, so I feel that trying
would just end up putting my kids, my new friend, me, and
my ex thru alot of unnecessary heartache. My ex and I are
still friends and still care about each other, we just
constantly bicker about trivial issues and have since before
we were even married.
Any advice? Besides the obvious of "Don't start
meeting new people until you're officially divorced"
It's a little late for that. :-(
a year ago, confronted her about it and she asked for
a divorce. By the time I found out, she had already
divided up the furniture, calculated the child support and
was looking for a place to live. She refused to consider
a legal separation, counselling, or any talk of working it
out. We started working on the divorce and separation
and finally got her set up in her own place about 5 months
ago. Until she moved out, I read every book I could get
my hands on and tried everything imaginable to get her to
change her mind, even talked her into going on a
non-romantic weekend getaway, but even during the getaway
she would call/text her "friend" when she didn't think
I would notice. The day she moved out, I accepted the
divorce, started telling friends and relatives and started
trying to move on with my life. As I started telling
people about our pending divorce, I consistently got the
same response of "we thought she was controlling and mean
to you". I never thought much about it while we were
married, but I do remember many times thinking that it
was borderline verbal abuse but just shrugged it off at the
time. About a month after she moved out, I met someone
else who shared most of the same hobbies/interests/qualities
as my ex but who was the complete opposite of controlling
and very passive. We have now been friends for several
months, seeing and talking with each other almost every day.
About a month before our divorce was final, my ex broke up
with her "friend" and then a week before our divorce asked
me if I wanted to postpone the divorce or maybe get legally
separated instead. I told her (honestly) that at this point
it would be easier to get remarried than to postpone the
divorce. We are now legally divorced and my ex is now
wanting to work on our relationship while I don't think I
want to. At this point, I have spent over 4 months trying
to get over her and 2 months seeing someone else who I
feel is alot more compatible with me and much easier to
get along with. Now that I am legally divorced, I would
like to officially start dating this other girl but
because my ex and I have several small children together,
a small part of me feels like I should try to work things out.
If I thought we could work things out, I might be willing
to give it a try for the kids, but I really don't give it
a high probability of success as I am no longer willing to
put up with her controlling nature, so I feel that trying
would just end up putting my kids, my new friend, me, and
my ex thru alot of unnecessary heartache. My ex and I are
still friends and still care about each other, we just
constantly bicker about trivial issues and have since before
we were even married.
Any advice? Besides the obvious of "Don't start
meeting new people until you're officially divorced"
It's a little late for that. :-(