Many pastors, church leaders, and Christian therapists will not confront the Adulterous. They will confront the victim! Who is already reeling from the Adulterou's adultery, now gets smashed again by counselors and helpers. The Victim was told: " His/Her adultery is your fault and you'd better get to work so he/she won't stray again." "Not only is the adultery your fault but now it's your fault that you're angry and bitter.

The only one who sinned, gets a free pass! Disgraceful.

What do you think?

Adultery doesn't have a victim except for the betrayed spouses...both consenting adults that committed adultery are adulterous and will answer for such.
I wouldn't be so concerned with what pastors think as what GOD says!
There are betrayed spouses who have contributed by "setting the stage" whereby their spouse is more vulnerable for committing adultery; however, they cannot shoulder the blame for what their spouse did...no one bent their arm and made them do it. We all have to answer for our own role in our marriages. If you've been all you could be in your marriage then consider yourself blameless and don't worry about what everyone else thinks...but make sure you've searched your heart honestly to see if there's some changes warranted.

CW,

I can tell you that I experienced something similar as did at least one other BH around here.

To be honest, when it comes to adultery, most churches and church leaders are pretty clueless as it relates to knowing what to do. They simply don't get the dynamics of affairs nor the way it damages the betrayed spouse in almost every way possible.

They also typically buy the bovine excrement the wayward spouse feeds them when they confront them since they have no frame of reference for what they always believed to be an honest person blowing things up to the point of absurdity as justification for their own actions.

Some churches are even breeding grounds for affairs because they don't take precautions required to prevent them from taking place. Even those who claim to be strong on marriage have no idea how to deal with cheating when discovered unless they themselves have been through it.

A place like this is where you find people who GET IT...

Because many of us have BTDT.

Mark

Thank you for your message, it did enlighten me. What God says is more important than men. Now i know why we shouldn't worry.

Thanks again Kaycstamper

I agree Mark, the worst part is when the victim will be told to do things so that his husband will love him back.