It's been a while since I was on this forum. When I was here last, I was just beginning to unravel years worth of lies and deceit, some of which I should have seen but didn't want to.

In a nutshell, my ex-WH had 2 yr affair with coworker, stole money, abused porn, lied to everyone, was verbally and mentally abusive to me...I fought like hell for months but eventually came to conclusion marriage wasn't worth saving. Actually, he wasn't worth fighting for.

We divorced and after 2.5 years being divorced, 4 years apart, my ex-WH still makes my life a living hell. I have two small kids under age of 8 and I accidentally discovered that my former father in law molested another grandchild. My ex-WH hid it from me for months and brought my kids around him. This is just an example of his depravity. I'm in court with him regularly - mostly because he's accusing me of some nonsense that gets thrown out but I still waste time and money I don't have. On top of it all, ex-WH married co-worker and has a kid with her. My kids have suffered with behavior issues and acting up.

I went through therapy and have worked through a lot of this there. Time has also healed a lot.

My problem is that it still seems to get in the way of my moving forward. I want to date and have dated a little. But I have found I'm not comfortable dating in the modern sense. I just can't seem to get comfortable with the idea of being available and so am shy and reserved around men.

I'm sure some of it is fear - fear of men and of my own judgement (lack thereof). I also have an issue of self worth that is a real struggle. I ask myself - what guy wants to get involved with a divorced woman with two small kids that are a handful and all the [censored] my ex-WH throws my way. My self-confidence is healthy in every other way. I have friends, work, work-out, have hobbies, attend church etc, am attractive and young. But with men...

Any suggestions...

Welcome back. What was your previous posting name?

Is the FIL a registered sex offender? Is he in jail?

Do you have an IM? Are you in Plan B?

I don't recall my screen name. I think the last time I was here was three years ago.

Ex-FIL is serving time, expected release date in September 2015. He'll be registered sex offender so he won't be allowed around kids for ten more years.

I don't have an IM. Had one for 6 months right after split but eventually we were court ordered into joint counseling to attend at same time.

I have little contact with ex-WH. I see him maybe 1x/week at pick up or drop off plus I have to see him in court or when we have joint counseling/conflict resolution.

On the one hand, I have mostly forgiven my ex-WH for our marriage. Not telling me his father was a pedophile and then exposing my kids to him is something I can't forgive. I hate him for this more than anything else and this happened 1 1/2 years post divorce. Plus, he keeps dragging me to court for ridiculous things.

Have you read what Dr. Harley says about forgiveness?

Can't We Just Forgive and Forget? Letter #1

I hadn't read that so thank you.

I'm not in a relationship with my ex-WH so I'm not going to get any compensation for forgiving. And I didn't forgive him for affair for his sake - I did it for my own.

I followed Dr Harley's plan for Plan A then Plan B and am still Plan B as much as possible. I have little contact with ex-WH but he still manages to cause issues.

You really need to be in a dark Plan B to heal. Especially from such an abusive XWH.

What can you do to get back into a dark Plan B?

Dr. Harley would also recommend you to get out there and start dating and have fun. You don't have to date to get into a relationship, but date to do things. Go out for coffee and such.

Sessica,

Dr. Harley would encourage you to have your attorney tell the court that contact with your husband causes great emotional distress.
That should end the joint counseling.
Do you have an attorney?
Are you voluntarily agreeing in court to these counseling sessions with your ex husband?

"I followed Dr Harley's plan for Plan A then Plan B and am still Plan B as much as possible. I have little contact with ex-WH but he still manages to cause issues."

Like what?

You can't possibly date until you are in a dark Plan B. Having contact with an abusive ex is like having a broken leg. Dating is like running a marathon.

You shouldn't bring a new man into an unhappy situation. But more importantly you shouldn't be in one.

Get a better lawyer. Joint counselling with the apprentice paedo? I've never heard of such nonsense.