Help to leave the past behind - 01/17/17 03:31 PM
Hi all,
I am new to all this so bear with me!
I am not actually married but am in a relationship 7 years. I am currently 27 my girlfriend is 23. We obviously started dating very young especially on her side. I found out 2 years ago through a friend that there were rumors she had been with other people around our small town. I addressed the issue straight away with her and she broke down and admitted to kissing 5 guys over the course a 1 year period. Nothing progressed past this stage (rumors went further) but I could barely stand. She begged for forgiveness and said she has decided to put this period behind her and had committed to us and knew my knowing would be catastrophic for me (very emotional) and thought the best course of action was to say nothing as it never progressed beyond kissing. (I agree with this I think).
Now for context, she had attempted to go on a break twice early in that year she cheated (had kissed one guy before this) but I broke down and begged and persuaded her to stay, she was 20/21 at this stage. Another kiss happened soon after this. I then in my crazy mindset decided getting proposed was a great idea, to in essence keep her and have her as mine forever, when she realized this was about to happen on a family holiday (she sensed something was up) she told me and told me it was a crazy time to do this considering her age/ not in a great place etc. She was obviously right but I was all over the place. That summer then directly after this incident she was based in her home and I was away with work. She kissed 3 guys in that month. Everytime she ever kissed anyone she would leave the situation straight away and hate herself. This was big for me as it showed me it wasnt sex, emotional affair she was after, just struck me as to what her mind must have been like (all over the place).
That September we decided to start a life where I worked and we agreed to move in together, she had decided around this that this relationship was what she wanted and her life was with me and that these drink fueled mistakes had to stop. I never mentioned the fact she was very drunk on every occasion.
It has now been 2 years since I found out, 3 years since incidents but I still refer back to it in my head all the time. She literally couldn't have done anymore, she went to therapy, gave me every detail imaginable, contacted each guy and told them the situation (she had done this after every kiss too to let them know it was a drunk mistake) and has been the model girlfriend.
I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to move on? Do people agree this is a very forgivable situation given her age, level of infidelity, drink fueled etc?, do I just need to grow up and acknowledge how good things are now, or am I underplaying (thats what the negative side of me thinks. I also struggle with seeing these guys when I'm home (ego driven I think).
Thanks in advance for any advice I really appreciate it.
I am new to all this so bear with me!
I am not actually married but am in a relationship 7 years. I am currently 27 my girlfriend is 23. We obviously started dating very young especially on her side. I found out 2 years ago through a friend that there were rumors she had been with other people around our small town. I addressed the issue straight away with her and she broke down and admitted to kissing 5 guys over the course a 1 year period. Nothing progressed past this stage (rumors went further) but I could barely stand. She begged for forgiveness and said she has decided to put this period behind her and had committed to us and knew my knowing would be catastrophic for me (very emotional) and thought the best course of action was to say nothing as it never progressed beyond kissing. (I agree with this I think).
Now for context, she had attempted to go on a break twice early in that year she cheated (had kissed one guy before this) but I broke down and begged and persuaded her to stay, she was 20/21 at this stage. Another kiss happened soon after this. I then in my crazy mindset decided getting proposed was a great idea, to in essence keep her and have her as mine forever, when she realized this was about to happen on a family holiday (she sensed something was up) she told me and told me it was a crazy time to do this considering her age/ not in a great place etc. She was obviously right but I was all over the place. That summer then directly after this incident she was based in her home and I was away with work. She kissed 3 guys in that month. Everytime she ever kissed anyone she would leave the situation straight away and hate herself. This was big for me as it showed me it wasnt sex, emotional affair she was after, just struck me as to what her mind must have been like (all over the place).
That September we decided to start a life where I worked and we agreed to move in together, she had decided around this that this relationship was what she wanted and her life was with me and that these drink fueled mistakes had to stop. I never mentioned the fact she was very drunk on every occasion.
It has now been 2 years since I found out, 3 years since incidents but I still refer back to it in my head all the time. She literally couldn't have done anymore, she went to therapy, gave me every detail imaginable, contacted each guy and told them the situation (she had done this after every kiss too to let them know it was a drunk mistake) and has been the model girlfriend.
I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to move on? Do people agree this is a very forgivable situation given her age, level of infidelity, drink fueled etc?, do I just need to grow up and acknowledge how good things are now, or am I underplaying (thats what the negative side of me thinks. I also struggle with seeing these guys when I'm home (ego driven I think).
Thanks in advance for any advice I really appreciate it.