Surviving this rollercoaster - 03/04/12 07:53 PM
I have gained a lot of insight and help reading Dr. Harley's books and the posts here. Fixing a marriage though is definitely a rollercoaster so I thought I would gain more by posting.
Me and DH have been married for 5 years and have one daughter. We have struggled to deal with conflicts and I have definitely realized we dealt with them wrong. There were definitely a lot of love busters and we neglected each
others needs.
At points I felt things were hopeless, but hung in there and know I love DH and we were meant to be together. I am willing to do all I can to have the marriage we should have, but DH is hesitant to trust that we can put the love back. From reading here I would guess he's in a state of withdrawal. I have made efforts to stop my LB's and try to guess at his needs.
I'm seeing some hope reemerge in him from my efforts. I seem to have a lot of trouble being patient like I should be and then I start to get pushy about the fact that my needs aren't getting met. I know Dr. Harley says one person can pull the other out of withdrawal, but how long does it take? What should I be doing to help it along? How and when can I go about getting him on board with reading the books when he feels the one's I made him read in the past were pointless? They were, but I know Dr. Harley's are much different and have been a huge help to me. How should I go about guessing well at his needs until he is willing to tell me what they are? How do I know that I am actually meeting them and making love deposits?
I'm sorry for all the questions, but I really want to start to turn my marriage around and don't want to do anything that continues to not make a difference or give the opposite outcome.
Me and DH have been married for 5 years and have one daughter. We have struggled to deal with conflicts and I have definitely realized we dealt with them wrong. There were definitely a lot of love busters and we neglected each
others needs.
At points I felt things were hopeless, but hung in there and know I love DH and we were meant to be together. I am willing to do all I can to have the marriage we should have, but DH is hesitant to trust that we can put the love back. From reading here I would guess he's in a state of withdrawal. I have made efforts to stop my LB's and try to guess at his needs.
I'm seeing some hope reemerge in him from my efforts. I seem to have a lot of trouble being patient like I should be and then I start to get pushy about the fact that my needs aren't getting met. I know Dr. Harley says one person can pull the other out of withdrawal, but how long does it take? What should I be doing to help it along? How and when can I go about getting him on board with reading the books when he feels the one's I made him read in the past were pointless? They were, but I know Dr. Harley's are much different and have been a huge help to me. How should I go about guessing well at his needs until he is willing to tell me what they are? How do I know that I am actually meeting them and making love deposits?
I'm sorry for all the questions, but I really want to start to turn my marriage around and don't want to do anything that continues to not make a difference or give the opposite outcome.