My brother's problematic and super complex story

He had an affair with his colleague in 2008 who happens to be 1 year older than him. He was 28 and she was 29. His wife was pregnant but he had an affair with her.
When his baby was born, he took a break to tend his baby and when he came back to work after 2 months, he resumed his affair with his colleague and in between had a short fling with another colleague, who is 7 years his junior.
His affair with his older colleague went on till 2009, until she left his company.

At a private dinner party he even kissed a girl on the lips in front of his wife,

he said he was single, got laid with 30 girls at parties while he was engaged,

last year had an affair with the colleague who is 7 years younger than him, but she left him and he trashed her for her sex life on radio. he was basically saying how many men he knows she slept with, who shes sleeping with while hes talking etc.
They became friends again this year but now she left the company

Many pictures of him with his groupies and his girlfriends when he was engaged/married have cropped up.
He does drugs and smokes weed.His job requires him to be on road most of the time

His wife puts up thousands of her photographs whilst partying, drinking, doing makeup, dancing or giving poses in the car, on every social networking site. She is always partying, drinking, shopping or clubbing with her friends. Shes started a makeup artist business with a friends, instead of looking up his drug problem or cheating stuff,

he has put his family life in public, how beautiful his family life is, how he loves his wife and daughter., he kisses his wife in the crowds after his play is done and recently he tweeted that his wife sent a video of his now 4 year old daughter singing a song and now she's so big and maybe its time for a sibling.
But when people refuse to believe that hes a family man or discuss his lies he gets angry and starts blaming fans for intruding into his personal life!

I mean how? He talks about his wife/daughter on twitter, put them on his commercial documentary with pointless kissing scenes between wife and himself which was not even done properly, interviews by wife, bonding with kid etc, even saying maybe its time for a sibling for his daughter on twitter to teenage fans, his wife uploads all her party pics or hanging out with friends/daughter's pics on the net, or has some fans appointed for keeping her image safe, like spreading the rumor that shes from a wealthy family(which shes NOT) and is not a gold digger and how her friends cant stand my brother when all these friends of her flatter him. and he blames other people?

He was suspended from work for drugs and all the while his wife was meeting women, friends, clubbing, and taking photographs of herself.

he married with the intention of having a baby quickly, the result his daughter. Now he wants another kid amidst this drugs/drinks and cheating, if he didn't say this for publicity.Why would a SANE married man tell his teenage fans that his kid is big and maybe its time for a sibling? Why would he discuss this with fans?


Married 5 years. Daughter 4 years. whats this insanity? is he sane or lost it? concerned

PLEASE RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!11

If you need information about Marriage Builders, I would suggest starting here:

Basic Concepts

This is a hard one. I don't know what we could say that could help you control any of their choices b/c you can't. They are BOTH insane. Another child is the LAST thing they should do. Why would he think raising children in this environment is as good thing? It really sounds like you are dealing with addictions here. They dictate everything. They will chase the fix, the fun and thrill they get from partaking in their addiction(s) even if it puts their children at risk b/c they are living a fantasy totally fogged out on the feelings they get from the addictions. Can your family stage some type of intervention?

He certainly doesn't sound like he is marriage material while in his fantasy fogged out life. She doesn't sound much better. She obviously isn't in control of her life either.

I dont understand why his wife married him when he openly cheated on her face BEFORE marriage including kissing another woman in front of her after 3 years of marriage. On top of it her family NEVER disapproved of this wedding too.

Plus when she should be helping for his drug issues, and emotional problems as well as the child, shes out spreading rumors through her fans (even gave the info to his JOB'S NEWSLETTERS that shes FROM a RICH FAMILY) that she isn't a gold digger, is indifferent to his drug/weed and just parties and runs around the town taking pictures of herself and uploading it on the net.
Is it money and the last name of my brother that keeps her there?

And why is he bent on showing hes a family man through twitter? those guys he tells such stuff too are barely 16!

And about the child, do you think he said that for publicity? i mean on twitter to teens?

OMG i am so tensed.

You may consider Alanon or something similar for drug dependent family members. Boundaries are also helpful (hint: Cloud and Townsend) in these situations, I've found.

MB is a great resource, as you have learned from reading the basic concepts (linked by Melody above). It's particularly good for helping people make their own marriages the best they can be.

I have not found a method which proscribes to assist people fix other peoples' marriages.

opt

pls reply

What does "poppy" mean?

You've had the replies of people that are interested. Clearly there isn't a lot of interest in this second-hand tale. We are very busy on the various boards here helping people who actually ask for help in connection with their own marriages. There seems to be little interest in gossiping about other people's marriages here, judging by the responses you have received.

Apart from the acknowledgement that this is an odd marriage, what else are you looking for?

It happens. And it's between them. Why does you ask?

To what???????????????

What is your question?

I thought optimism had a great response.

P.S. Happy birthday, opt!

Yes - happy birthday, opt!

Tell us how you'll be spending it.

To WHAT?? bella, you're going to have to pull your crap together and parse a sentence that will give us something to respond to. So far you've just blogged your displeasure about your relative's choice of marital partner.

What, exactly, do you want us to respond to??

Hey, opt! Make it a great one!

Happy birthday, optimism!!!

Bella, there is really nothing we can tell you to help THEM!! If it were your relationship/marriage, well, then you would get help first hand. Your information is somewhat vague, but we could have all the information and still not be able to help. I do agree that YOU need to draw your boundaries - there is a book by that title that was referred to above - cleverly, I might add. You need to learn how to establish your own boundaries so this stuff doesn't suck YOU IN!!! They are not in control of their lives. You can't make them be. Just b/c she says she isn't a gold digger, doesn't mean that she didn't just marry him for his name, money and the lifestyle he could give her. She doesn't respect herself much or she wouldn't have made the decision to marry someone who would treat her like that, much less stay in it after all that he is done. DO you have any idea why he is so off the rails? Why does not have self respect? It is not "normal" to do what he does either. The problem is that you can't make them do anything different than they are doing. People usually have to learn from their own mistakes by having to suffer the consequences that come along with them. Some people can't and don't even then. The sad part is their little child. What kind of life is in store for her. Maybe you should consider getting trained to be a foster parent b/c at some point, that little one might be taken away from her parents. If you see that she is in danger, turn your brother and his wife into CPS yourself. Watch out for this child bella!!!