POJA Help Wanted - 12/11/13 08:01 PM
Hello, I've been browsing this website for a couple months and just started reading Love Busters because of a desire to stop my AO. After finding this website I've found quite a few places to improve in my marriage.
I would like help with POJA. The set up: last pm DH arrived quite later after he texted he would arrive (~2 hours later). When he finally arrives it's time for kids' bedtimes and we have no chance to talk, much less me express my unhappiness with his tardiness and the shopping that was the cause. I settle for taking deep breaths and saying, "Would it be okay with you if you ask before coming home about stopping somewhere in case something's going one and I need you here?". My typical response would have been to just harrass him about it and make it a very unpleasant evening I think. He says okay.
I woke up saw he installed our new TV and wall mount in the middle of the night.
When I saw the TV installed I was upset and sad. We had discussed putting the TV up together for many reasons (placement mostly with regards to destructive children and height location). When I saw it the first thing I thought was telling him this am we have to redo it because of the location. After being up all night I feel that would not be the nice thing to say and instead want help with POJA. The TV mount is already up and now I have thought of two things to recommend: redoing it so children cannot get to TV, or leaving it and if children ruin TV then we just won't have a TV. I guess we could also pay a person to redo it but that would make me about 10x more upset.
I'm very emotional about this, probably too much so, mostly because of the lousy evening last night, no sleep because of this, and just thinking of all the things this represents: DH not doing this with me as we discussed, the time involved in a project just for himself (I didn't really want another TV but compromised on it), neglect of so many other projects that need attention in our house with priority to this, as well as him not spending time with me instead last night.
I feel like this needs to be addressed. I have had very little luck with POJA since I discovered this website. When I try it, I usually get agreement but then no follow through or DH forgets or he just blindly agrees with me (IMO). I think this is mostly due to my past tendency to just demand things. So I want to change and would appreciate some guidance.
I apologize if this seems to be a very minor issue on this forum. FWIW, we've been married 11 years. I ordered Fall in Love/Stay in Love and plan on asking DH to read it with me for my Christmas gift.
I would like help with POJA. The set up: last pm DH arrived quite later after he texted he would arrive (~2 hours later). When he finally arrives it's time for kids' bedtimes and we have no chance to talk, much less me express my unhappiness with his tardiness and the shopping that was the cause. I settle for taking deep breaths and saying, "Would it be okay with you if you ask before coming home about stopping somewhere in case something's going one and I need you here?". My typical response would have been to just harrass him about it and make it a very unpleasant evening I think. He says okay.
I woke up saw he installed our new TV and wall mount in the middle of the night.
When I saw the TV installed I was upset and sad. We had discussed putting the TV up together for many reasons (placement mostly with regards to destructive children and height location). When I saw it the first thing I thought was telling him this am we have to redo it because of the location. After being up all night I feel that would not be the nice thing to say and instead want help with POJA. The TV mount is already up and now I have thought of two things to recommend: redoing it so children cannot get to TV, or leaving it and if children ruin TV then we just won't have a TV. I guess we could also pay a person to redo it but that would make me about 10x more upset.
I'm very emotional about this, probably too much so, mostly because of the lousy evening last night, no sleep because of this, and just thinking of all the things this represents: DH not doing this with me as we discussed, the time involved in a project just for himself (I didn't really want another TV but compromised on it), neglect of so many other projects that need attention in our house with priority to this, as well as him not spending time with me instead last night.
I feel like this needs to be addressed. I have had very little luck with POJA since I discovered this website. When I try it, I usually get agreement but then no follow through or DH forgets or he just blindly agrees with me (IMO). I think this is mostly due to my past tendency to just demand things. So I want to change and would appreciate some guidance.
I apologize if this seems to be a very minor issue on this forum. FWIW, we've been married 11 years. I ordered Fall in Love/Stay in Love and plan on asking DH to read it with me for my Christmas gift.