Question on when to call it quits - 02/09/16 09:56 PM
This is my first post. I have been reading MB for over a year now, watched the videos and have His Needs Her Needs though I have not read all of the book yet. I looked through the forums to see if this topic was there and didn't find anything, I apologize if it is a duplicate type of message.
I have been with my husband almost 5 years, married almost 2. We are the product of my affaire from my first husband. We both feel very bad about the affair from my first marriage and I divorced 1st husband before my current husband and I did anything in the first marriage, but it still leaves a scar. I drank a lot those first years and my husband told me to stop drinking so much or we were over. I worked very hard at it, and it's taken 2 years but I quit drinking this past year.
In the mean time, he is very immature and insensitive, if I bring up how I feel or my emotional needs not being met he says it's my problem being too needy. I spent these past years in therapy and have grown a lot as a person but I think he feels since I was in therapy he can blame everything on me being crazy. A lot of this is because I drank away my needs before and now that I am recovered I need for us to work on them.
We were holding together OK at first, but he is depressed and fatigued, so when he started this new job of 7 months now, we get no time together. We agreed before he took the job (I am 1st shift he is 2nd) that we would have to work hard to keep connected since our time would be limited, but he makes no time fore me now. I keep telling him how unhappy I am that he is not making time fore me or making our marriage a priority. He keeps blaming his job and being tired and won't try to help the situation.
He has always had porn, ogling other girls, and recently Facebook lurking ex-girlfiends. He stopped the porn when I asked him to, and checking out other girls in front of me and now this FB problem, but he is so immature and refuses to take ownership of actions or fails to see how his actions really do hurt me. He keeps saying I am too sensitive. He hasn't really cheated but I feel that he is not devoted. Should I even bother trying to fix this or should I make plans to call it quits in the near future? I am planing to give him a time limit to go to the doctor for his health issues then see if we can work on marriage when he feels better, but I wonder is it worth it?
I have been with my husband almost 5 years, married almost 2. We are the product of my affaire from my first husband. We both feel very bad about the affair from my first marriage and I divorced 1st husband before my current husband and I did anything in the first marriage, but it still leaves a scar. I drank a lot those first years and my husband told me to stop drinking so much or we were over. I worked very hard at it, and it's taken 2 years but I quit drinking this past year.
In the mean time, he is very immature and insensitive, if I bring up how I feel or my emotional needs not being met he says it's my problem being too needy. I spent these past years in therapy and have grown a lot as a person but I think he feels since I was in therapy he can blame everything on me being crazy. A lot of this is because I drank away my needs before and now that I am recovered I need for us to work on them.
We were holding together OK at first, but he is depressed and fatigued, so when he started this new job of 7 months now, we get no time together. We agreed before he took the job (I am 1st shift he is 2nd) that we would have to work hard to keep connected since our time would be limited, but he makes no time fore me now. I keep telling him how unhappy I am that he is not making time fore me or making our marriage a priority. He keeps blaming his job and being tired and won't try to help the situation.
He has always had porn, ogling other girls, and recently Facebook lurking ex-girlfiends. He stopped the porn when I asked him to, and checking out other girls in front of me and now this FB problem, but he is so immature and refuses to take ownership of actions or fails to see how his actions really do hurt me. He keeps saying I am too sensitive. He hasn't really cheated but I feel that he is not devoted. Should I even bother trying to fix this or should I make plans to call it quits in the near future? I am planing to give him a time limit to go to the doctor for his health issues then see if we can work on marriage when he feels better, but I wonder is it worth it?