Hi....I'm writing to recount the events of last night -

I think most of you know that my husband impressed upon me last that he does not want to celebrate my anniversary with me, but only with our son. After me not talking for a few days, he "offered" to sign our son up for the "kids nite out" that the gym is "offering" on 4/21....I think that was his way of trying to make peace......but, I told him that they usually do not offer it....if they "do" offer it, great, but I'm not counting on it.

Anyway, b/c of my injury (I tore my ACL/MCL and am recovering) I asked him to take our son skiing last week....(I really just wanted to stay home and recover) plus I never have the house to myself on the weekends......anyway I was grateful he took our son.

He said we were going to his mothers for dinner.

I think most of you know he has a sister that works 15 hours/week in a salon, lives in her mother's house with her 2 kids (9 and 10 - boy and girl - they share a room) and she has no plans on getting a higher paying job that would require more hours. She also gets child support. Two times now, they have been invited to come and stay with us at our vacation home in NH (dinky 1 bedroom condo - if I go I have to share a bed with my husband - dinky queen size bed....it's a nightmare).

My sister lives in VA and before I thought to ask her her availability, I asked my H if it would be okay if we invited them up for the 4th of july...he agreed. when I floated it to her, she declined, saying she wants her own "space" (it's too small for her, she'd rent a room somewhere else) but decided in the end it was too much driving for too short a stay...she and her son ARE staying in our house (in MA) the week before, (staying downstairs where I sleep) and...I will have to share a bed with my husband (our king size bed) for 2 nites.

now he and i planned on taking 1 week together (with our son) 4th of july weekend and the following week. (we always have a big "bash" at our house on the sunday before).

Well, last nite he ANNOUNCED to his sister that the "kids" and her are "welcome" to come up DURING OUR VACATION (we had not discussed that) for a couple of days then he started talking about how "great" it would be - how much fun things to do...

I said the 4th had a lot of people up there and "it will be a nightmare".

He didn't like THAT. He just said it WON't be a NIGHTMARE - (PROBABLY my passive way of getting back at him for even suggesting w/o discussing with me first)

our son ate only bread. He didn't like his nonna's "pasta" as it had meat.

I got home with my son before my H did (he went to grocery stores) along the way I called my friends complaining about my H, I am sure my son overheard.

Then when we got home I showered my kid, got him in his pajamas, and when "daddy came home" he brought groceries in, our son asked for "dinner"...my H wanted to know why I didn't give him any "dinner"....I said "but he ate bread? he didn't say he was hungry?"

He wouldn't shut up...he started SCREAMING AT ME in front of our son for about 5 minutes (I tape recorded it and am playing it for my therapist) "Oh, so you need our son to say he's hungry to feed him? OUR SON NEEDS FOOD 3 TIMES A DAY!!!!! he will be EMAILING ME DAILY TO REMIND ME TO FEED OUR KID.

I spoke to our son, asking him, why didn't you ASK ME for food if you were hungry? And then my H heard that and got ALL MAD. *that this isn't our son's fault, it's MINE".

It was awful.

I am not talking to him.

I got 3 hours of sleep.

Just now, I got a phone call from my H, calling me up SCREAMING AT ME TO NEVER BADMOUTH HIM TO OUR SON AGAIN....(not sure exactly what he was talking about) but I suspect it's the reference to me asking him to tell me when he's hungry and/or our son overhearding me complaining about my H's behavior to my friends.

I told him that I didn't appreciate him inviting his family up to our condo during our vacation without talking to me first.

He hung up on me.

seeing my therapist at noon.

Any tips?

I can't stand being around this person.

I didn't deserve to be called up and screamed at.

Emma, have we met you on this board before? Under your current name, you have only one post, so what did you post as before? Can you link to the thread, please?

Hi....no I haven't posted here, before I posted on another forum (TAM) so I probably shouldn't have cut and paste (my apologies)......

anyway, need less to say, I'm pretty miserable.

I'm not surprised you're miserable. What you describe is a horrible way to live within a marriage.

Marriage Builders offers a whole programme to change a marriage from one of conflict into one of romantic love. In order to achieve that change, both spouses need to work on the marriage.

If a man has a withdrawn and unhappy wife who isn't interested in doing any work to improve the marriage, the man can make a great deal of headway improving the marriage on his own, if he learns and applies the MB principles and practices. However, when it is the wife who wants to improve, but her husband is indifferent, there is much less chance of success (if the wife tries the programme on her own). Would you say that your husband would be interested in Marriage Builders?

Unlike TAM, this forum does not offer random opinions on how to deal with piecemeal conflicts. Are you interested in learning about the whole programme? If so, have you free the free articles that Dr Harley has written?

Does your first post provide an accurate picture of your marriage as a whole? Do you argue about everything, all the time? Is that what makes you miserable?

Hi....yes I'm interested in learning but I don't think my husband has ANY interest in improving the marriage - I don't he will read any of this......I did, however, buy Love Busters and it is in the process of being deliverd to my house....I will read it and ask my H to do too...

but....what if he doesnt'?

Hi, emma, and welcome to Marriage Builders.

What you are describing is abuse, plain and simple. If your husband is not willing to change, then you will need to plan on a separate. Unless steps are taken to change the way you two interact, things are only going to get worse.

Read the link in my signature: What to do with an Angry Husband

You've been on there for about 4 years, and they have been telling you for most of the time to leave your husband, since he refuses to address the issues that make you miserable.

Why haven't you done that?