Hello!
I've been married for almost 8 years. We have a five year old daughter and I'm currently pregnant with our second child.

My husband has always been a procrastinator. But I'm dealing with being off my medications for anxiety, depression, insomnia and migraines for this pregnancy and I'm really struggling with his unwillingness to do anything in a reasonable time frame.

I understand this behavior to be a form of punishment for nagging him. I don't know how consciously he is doing it, but at this point I don't really care.

It's always small, stupid things like taking out the trash. He offers to do it, sometimes stopping me from doing it to proclaim that he "will take care of it" and then just doesn't do it. The trash is literally overflowing because he keeps piling stuff on. This morning I asked if he could do the trash. He said yes. That was 9 hours ago. I have asked/reminded him twice since this morning. It's a weird power struggle because if I do it, I will be resentful and he will innocently chide me for doing it when he said he would do it.

He was also supposed to run to the grocery store. After my second reminder he said he would take the trash out on the way to the store. Then he played several hours of video games and went to take a nap. I literally said "I am begging you not to nap right now" and he pretended not to hear as he closed the bedroom door. So now it's dinner time and we have no food (he was planning to go to the store after lunch) and the trash can is literally overflowing. And because I'm hormonal I am trying to not to cry about it in front of our daughter.

I am being dramatic, we do have food. Just not what I had planned on cooking. But it hurts my feelings and I don't understand.

Even I don't remind/"nag" him about things, he still doesn't do them. I have no idea how to deal with him. My approach over the years has been to just take care of things myself, but I don't want to live my life picking up after my husband and our children. It's not just me that he treats badly with his procrastination but I'm pregnant and I need some friggin help.

Hi Sigyl, welcome to Marriage Builders. I have a question before I address your other issues, is he addicted to video games? How many hours a day does he spend doing that?

Extremely addicted. If he's not working, he's playing League of Legends. He will play from 6 to 8 hours a day.

So you need to insist they go entirely. You're not enthusiastic about them, they flagrantly oppose PoJA and for good reason. You sound at breaking point, and have nothing to lose (this is neither romantic love or a partnership). So I would go in confidently without seeking to be his persuader, nagger or motivator. He's a grown man who should be able to motivate himself.

I'm extremely unhappy, don't want our marriage to be one of the many that ends in neglect. Thought you should no how serious this is. Even five minutes of gaming makes me feel sick.

Then let him say whatever he is going to say and just respond that you thought he should know. Don't argue.

THAT is the biggest problem in your marriage right now. An addiction always comes before the marriage and anything that comes before your marriage will come between you. That is what is happening here.

I would focus on helping him stop this altogether. Once that happens we can teach you the skills to negotiate conflicts. But until the video game addiction is resolved, nothing we tell you will be effective.

His addiction is ruining your marriage and needs to GO.

You're not being hormonal or dramatic. I would be in tears every day under the circumstances you describe. It is not a 'small thing' to be so completely ignored that you are reduced to begging. I don't even know you and I want to give you a hug.

I would stake a bet that your depression is something that's grown over the course of your marriage.