This is similar to me except I’m the wife. He’d shut down for years, disengaged, left all chores, household matters and parenting to me while complaining once that he didn’t get enough attention. I worked full time because he didn’t earn much and I pretty much decided that if I wanted any kind of good life it was up to m to achieve it. Three years ago an offhand comment from him broke my heart and my will to go on. Now he wants to « work » on it. I agreed because the alternative terrifies me but I’m resentful and angry and role playing. And I don’t know how to keep going some days. I’m currently reading his needs /her needs and it is clear I met all his needs and he didn’t meet (and still isn’t meeting ) most/ any of mine. Nor is hé proactively reading these books or watching the videos or really doing anything to fix this ( which is weird I thought men liked fixing things. He is however accusing me of having someone else on the side ! I think that is drama making to deflect from his errors. He can blame me if he catches me looking sideways at someone else. Who the [censored] would want to take on another man after so many years of catering to an overgrown child! I’m too old anyways . Aloneness though scary is better than putting his needs before mine. And single friends all look pretty happy if slightly nuts ! I dunno what will happen in the future. He’ll probably find some other idiot to take him on because he can be charming and funny.. that was his get out of jail card for years! He’d make me laugh and I’d cave and allow him to get away with stuff. I adored this guy and it is still a shock that I have to now learn to fall out of love with him before he hurts me (emotional) again. He puts so little effort in and expects so much . It’s exhausting and I’m need to take care of me because I never felt that he cared for me and i still don’t. He only cares about the things I do /did for him. I don’t hate him but I’m so sad . And sometimes really angry ( inside). because I’m so scared of the future and poverty and loneliness.

I also go to AA. It’s the only place I feel accepted . I gave up drinking years ago because you can’t drink and create a good life. But only going to AA in last few years for the support and acceptance there. Relationships aren’t encouraged there ime and most folk there are so broken and abused by life and relationships that they are very protective of their privacy and personal space . Maybe I’m projecting ? Most in my group aren’t capable of having a relationship with a puppy !

Also im reading his needs/her needs to try to rebuild but wants the point if he thinks he’s so perfect that he doesn’t need to focus on my needs and focuses on accusations instead . Childish and tiring . If I ask him to read marriage stuff he does for a while . He listened to tony robbins and read the way of the superior man but then focused on work and doing stuff around the house rather on spending time with me or conversations . Any conversation is about him and his work !! I don’t even have the energy to fight anymore as he goes into excuses and defence mode regardless of how I try to express my needs .I dunno ...I’m exhausted.. I’d nearly go find him a girlfriend at this point to get rid of him but he says he loves me ... why wouldn’t he when his needs are met ... aloneness looks so good right now .

Bobo would you like to start your own thread? I'm sure we can help you. After you have done that, contact the mods and ask them to move what you have written.

Bobo2 I have created your own thread so posters can help you. Welcome!

Hello Bobo, Welcome to Marriage Builders. Did you have a question for us?

No I’m good Tks