Heartbroken and can't Understand - 07/26/21 01:12 AM
This is my first post and I am new here. I am having an issue in my marriage and I don't know what is causing it or how to heal it. I don't know if it's something I have done wrong. But it's something that is tearing down my self confidence and making me feel alone in my marriage.
First, I want to say that my husband is a wonderful person and I love him dearly. We are alike in so many ways. We seldom disagree. I really felt like God sent him into my life. He's very understanding because I have health issues. He has no issue taking over housework if I'm unable to do it. We are just partners and have no issue discussing most issues. I grew up with parents that would argue almost from sun up to sunset. So it was important to me to have someone that wasn't like that. He says he's sorry when he's wrong, or even if he thinks he may be wrong. My father would rather die than say he was sorry. So on so many levels I needed a man like my husband in my life. We live a peaceful life, where I was raised in chaos.
My issue came after the first couple years of marriage. We agreed not to have sex before we were married, and we didn't. But my husband was very affectionate when we dated and our first few years of marriage. He used terms of endearment, he held my hand all the time, kissed me on the forehead. This meant a lot to me and I told him so because I didn't grow up with that in my family. My parents weren't affectionate with each other or us kids. They loved us, they didn't abuse us, but it was rare to get a hug or say "I love you". I guess I didn't realize how much I needed that until I met my husband.
We were married for a couple years when my husband lost his job. He was out of work for two years. I know this devastated him, his confidence, and he went through depression. He tried everything he could and nothing would open in our area and we couldn't move away. We had to rely on both our parents for help. We were both devasted by it. It's then that things began to change between us. We were so focused on trying to find work, nothing else mattered. Then suddenly a wonderful job came open. It was good paying work, the most he's ever been paid. His work is literally around the corner, only a couple miles from home and he has a really great boss. He's been there almost two years now and he enjoys it.
In all of this, it seems we just became good friends. He stopped being affectionate, we haven't been together as a couple in over a year. I gained some weight in all we had gone through so I thought that was the reason he didn't want to touch me. He went downstairs to his man cave and we started to grow apart. This devastated me. I lost the weight and my hair began to fall out. So much so he began to notice it. I tried to bring the issue up and he closed down on me. He would say he couldn't understand why I didn't feel loved, he did so much to show he loved he. And he was right, he did and does. I tried several times to bring it up and then he would say he was old. I try now to flirt with him every once in a while and he just isn't interested. I feel miserable, I'm not trying to be selfish but I miss how we use to be. I'm almost afraid to touch him, I feel like he would reject me. It hurts so deeply and I don't know how to let him know how I feel without him shutting down. I just really miss him, I miss us. I just really need some advice on how to heal this and I have no one to talk to. What is it that I'm doing wrong and turning him off. Sorry for the long post. I just feel despondant over this and it's making me ill. Thank you.