Hi all,

I am new to the forum but not new to MB. I recently found out my husband of 14 years together almost 17 years had an affair 6 years ago with my "best friend"/family member. I have 3 kids 2 older out of the house and 1 13 years old and 3 grandbabies my two older kids are not my husbands. I found out about the affair thru the OW's mom about 3 month ago. My husband did tell me about the affair after hours and hours of me pressuring him to tell me the truth. My husband does seem remorseful at times but he also likes to tell me to move on. I am the kind of person that had to know details of what happened when, where EVERYTHING. I am fight triggers and visions, We have been on the radio program with Dr. Harley, I'm just have extreme problems letting go and not letting the visions and triggers take over my life. Just not thinking about it and trying to think of something else isn't working for me. Any help with losing a so called friend and with the rest I explained would be greatly appreciated

What did Dr Harley tell you?

Can you link to the show you were on?

Sorry I dont know how. It was Kevin and Ginger may 9th or 11th

It was the 9th -

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03832#

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03833#

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03834#

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03835#

I know this isn't helping you, but will give others more info if needed.

Grammy3,

had an affair 6 years ago with my "best friend"/family member....I found out about the affair thru the OW's mom about 3 month ago....My husband does seem remorseful at times but he also likes to tell me to move on.

I think you need to tell your WH that he has had 6 years to recover whereas you have at least 2 years from the LAST D-DAY. He also needs to know that the recovery clock is brutally reset to zero or negative every time there is a new disclosure/discovery.

Have you spoken with the OWH or the OW? They may be able to provide you with details you can use to pry more details out of your WH. Sorta like the cops interviewing criminals separately.

Is this OW completely out of your life?

God Bless
Gamma

Welcome Grammy to MB. I remember your call.

Are you still talking about the affair?

How much UA time are you getting?

This might help. Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

Gamma,
Yes I have talked to the OW a little, but dont have a lot that I wanna hear from her she wants to only blame my husband and tell me sorry so it should be enough. I'm trying to get the OW completely out of my life kinda hard when she is in the family but I've only seen her once since this all happend.

I'm trying to make my marriage my priority and not the friendship with the OW.

Hi Brainhurts.
Thanks, yes we are still talking about the affair. We are striving for 20 - 25 hours a week, but since I asked for details that what I find is hard to get that out of my head. I have gone to the managing memories and dealing with triggers thats why I say its hard I can't get my mind to focus on other good memories.

Hasn't your WH told you everything?

Didn't Dr. Harley tell you to stop talking about the affair?

You will remain stuck if you keep yourself in the mud. Talking about it keeps you thinking about it all the time.

You need to stop talking about it, my friend.

Brainhurts
I'm trying

I know you are, my friend.

I also am so sorry for your pain. I could hear it from you when you were on the show.

Have you thought about calling the coaching center and have them give you and your WH a plan? Didn't Dr. Harley tell you guys to stay in touch with them? Have you done this?

Also what are you doing during your UA time?

When WW was the last time you talked to or saw the OW?

Grammy3,

I'm trying to make my marriage my priority and not the friendship with the OW.

Absolutely there is zero change of ever being friends with OW, it's just that she may be willing to give you details your WH is withholding from you. I've concluded that with my W the only path to full details is to speak with OM2 first.

Trickle truth hurts and sometimes will go on for years.

Does the OW have a husband?

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma,

The OW was the wife of Grammy's nephew. The OW was also Grammy's best friend. Were you able to listen to her call to the show?

Grammy,

Can you move away so you don't have to see OW anymore? That's another thing that will keep you triggered.

Here's another excellent clip of Dr. Harley talking about triggers.
Radio clip on Triggers

Grammy, do you have all the details about the affair? Has your huband answered all your questions about the affair fully and completely?