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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 4
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1503la Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 4
lets just get it out there ive been married almost two years and been with my wife almost 4. she left day after my birthday jan 21 stayed with a girlfriend from work that i really didnt know and her brother. needless to say my wife and the brother became really close and connected emotionally and also slept with each other.

now i have for the time we been together not been so good to her making her feel beautiful, making her feel like the one, sometimes i was verbally mean, etc. when she left it humbled me so much and i realized how much i loved her.

we talked during the time she was gone and one day i told her to listen to a song well she didnt get to during the day until she laid down to go to sleep that night and turned her phone on pandora which plays random songs the first song that came on was that song. so @ 1 am she comes in the door to the house crying and holding me.

so she came home i didnt really know how deep it had gotten with the brother until recently. but shes been home i guess for almost a month & everything was awesome like never before. i naturally do the loving things im supposed to and it felt great. we finally had sex again a couple times then this last week it got awkward all the sudden and i have felt extremely terrified from it ever since.

then this morning we were talking and it came out of her mouth finally they did have sex and that she really doesnt have a sex drive right now and that it frightens her that theres no passion when we have sex. also it was said that theres always been something missing from beginning. she said it was like we were best friends trying to have sex.

but she said she went about it the wrong way when she left and should have been on her own thinking bout things instead of being with him and that sometimes she feels like she came home too soon but she came home for a reason and that was to work on our marriage. so in all this can someone please give me some advice on what i should do or how to get the passion into our marriage?

thanks so much anyone im going crazy i feel like....

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
15061a- I know it is frustrating and feels so bad when noone is answering you but PLEASE stop posting this over and over again.

Have you read everything you can on here? Have you read other people's posts?

I know you wouldn't want to hear it, but there are other people in a similar sitch as yours and you could read their threads to see what advice you would get. This should tide you over until some others will post to your thread.

Thank You


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Here is a thread that was started today and has a sitch much like yours only with alcohol added.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=159506&Number=2340721#Post2340721


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
J
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J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
You can work on your marriage and make things better. However, you cannot do that until OM is out of the picture for life. Since he is her friend's brother, the friend has got to go as well. OM's family should be notified as well as well as your WW's family to keep this from sprouting up again. Once NC is FIRMLY established, start filling out the ENs and LBs questionnaires (links at the top of the webpage). Focus on meeting her needs and she can fall in love with you again.

However, if she balks at the NC and working on the marriage, I would cut her loose. You have only been married for 2 years, and she is already sleeping with another man. With that track record, you are bound to repeated problems in the future unless she fully commits to the MB program. You don't want this marriage to continue, you have children together, and then 5 years later she's leaving you for another man again. That would not be good for you or your future children. You might want to choose a mate that is less inclined to cheat on you and leave you.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story

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