I'm married with 2 kids (age 8 &10).

Me and my husband was separated for about 1-2years coz he had an affair right under my nose in my house.

During the separation, he dated few GFs and i befriended new friends (mostly males) but most of the guys is more or less the same (looking for friends with benefits or affair) which makes me believe there is no more good man or faithfulness in this world. So, i withdrew into myself and did not have any relationship.
Even tho i was alone, i was glad to have my freedom back.
Later, he couldn't manage the kids (he insisted to have them when i moved out and suggested divorce) due to financial problem. I took back my kids. Even tho life was hard for that period of time i managed well.
After tasted the life of a single man (no wife/kids only with GF) he begged to come back to me and swear he will not hurt or cheat me again. I was too soft hearted and couldn't reject him thus we get back together again... it's been 1year+ and he'd been honest with me most of the time.

Recently, due to some problem we moved back to hometown (another state)and he doesn't allow me to work as there is no1 taking care of the kids.
His work is busy but from getting home 9pm+ it became 11pm+ - 12am. Fine, i try to reason myself that he's getting more and more business even tho lately i'd been feeling restless as if something will happen and fear is growing within me.
Last night, i called him and he said he's having dinner with friend (later added in with office's ppl). I was nearby the place he said he's having dinner and thought to drop by and see .

Reaching there, i saw him driving a woman. I tailed him until his office and he dropped her off. I think nothing of this and maybe she is just his colleague. But it did crossed my mind that he said "having dinner with friendS"

Later on, he called me and i asked him whether he drove his "colleagues" to dinner? He said NO, they drove themselves. I told him i saw with my own eyes there is a woman beside him and i tailed him but he insisted he didn't drove any woman. He told me to go ask his colleagues if i don't believe.

So, i went to his company and asked 1 of his colleague which is also his friend (i only know this from the phone conversation they had). He kept on covering for him like this

Wife : Did u went to dinner with my husband?

Husband's colleague : Yes, we did with our clerk AAA (clerk's name)

Wife : He drive you?

Husband's colleague : Yes. (Ha!!! he said he didn't drive any1!)

Wife : u were sitting front or back? ]

Husband's colleague : Front!

Wife : I saw with my own eyes he's driving a woman....

Husband's colleague : oh... don't think too much

Wife : now... where u sitting?

Husband's colleague : back...

Wife : Ha! there is no1 at the back

Husband's colleague : i went back with the boss first as there is something to do... don't think too much (he kept repeating this and at first he said only 3 of them went to dinner but suddenly the boss is there)

Only very later on he confessed that he IS driving a woman but that woman is his boss's mistress and he's helping the boss to cover up and he promised he won't tell any1 including me, his own wife.

But what i was angry and frustrated about was WHY he have to LIE to me when it's not his mistress? Something sounds very wrong. What would i do to his boss? I don't know any of his colleague and definitely not his boss's wife!

I'm very unhappy and confused at the moment as i don't know what to believe. Should i investigate him or should i just take his words?
I can't stop myself from calling him and asking where he is almost my every waking moment. I feel as if i am being too much and will go crazy.
Even now, i called him and asked where he is... he sounds so awkward and secretive or maybe i'm thinking too much!
Please advise...

Your husband is having an affair with the woman. You don't need any more information to know this. You caught them together so you should proceed on that basis. You don't need to ask any more questions. You caught them.

Welcome.

Expose his affair. Exposure 101

need, don't waste time asking him if he is having an affair. You don't have to have a confession from a liar to know the truth. You KNOW the truth, you saw it with your own eyes last night. That is a waste of your time to play cat and mouse trying to get a cheater to admit what you both already know.

Is the OW married?

Also read this. How To Survive An Affair

This Thread to help Newly Betrayed Posters
Dr. Harley has a very good plan to Survive an Affair and have a very romantic marriage.

Who is this OW?

i have no idea who is the OW...

Do you have a name? Does she work with your WH? Have you checked his phone to see if he's talking/texting her?

No name and i never entered his office before. But he really did dropped her in front of the office...

I checked the phone's logs n sms-es but there is nothing.. either he deleted it or just not existing...
After reading this forum, i decided the first thing to do will be to buy the sim card reader and maybe the recording if first method is unsuccessful.

Besides, i live in Asia... so there is alot of websites/services that you guys mentioned is not available at my country... sigh..

Yes put a keylogger on the computer also.

Can you check online phone records?

wouldn't be able to check phone records as it's company phone

What about asking the colleague her name? Can you do this without raising your WH suspicions?

will be hard since even his colleague helps him to cover...

im so confused at the moment... i just had a talk with him. He said he did not want to tell me the truth is because he don't want me to think too much nonsense.
he just confessed he already drove her around few days and he also said he drove his boss to his other mistress (he have 1 wife, 2 mistress) house too.
The reason he is doing this is because of greed... greed to succeed... what should i believe?

He is gaslighting you.
Please explain gaslighting

The work environment he is in is extremely dangerous to your M. His boss has two mistresses?

He needs to find another job. He needs boundaries.

You need to find out who this OW is. Can you hire a PI? Private Investigators

Thanks Brain, i never knew what is gaslighting but thinking back, he really did that to me when he had his first affair.

I'm so glad i found this forum as i have no1 i can talk to. Can't talk to my family as they never approve of us. Can't talk to his family as they always treat him as an outcast for his troubled youth time. I don't have any real friends since married to him.

Yes, according to him. His boss have 2 mistress and not every1 in the office know about it. Only him and the other guy (AAA) whom i talked to the other day that covered for him know about it.
When he first started this job, he told me of this guy (AAA) being very close to the boss and always acted like he's the 2nd in command (i guess AAA got his authority by always covering for his boss).

I told him to find another job and i can go to work too. Combining both our salaries we should be able to live and feed the children. We may not have any house/car but i don't mind. I just want us to live a happy family life.
But he don't want to. (the reason we left the other state to go back to hometown was because he wanted to start his own business with his friend but failed).
In his current job, he have to do sales, manage the workers at each outlet he opened and he get 60% of profit and expenses of each outlet which other job don't offer and he's not educated thus hard to find non-hard labour job. Seems like his boss also always asked him to do things that is not related to his work scope like negotiating with an ex-employee when he tried to cheat company's money and even got into a fight in the office together with his boss and that ex-employee.

After the talk last night, he told me his boss is setting his sight on another woman (married) and asked him to drove her to office yesterday for an interview. He even offered her higher than normal salary.

When i was with him, his phone is always ringing with calls from colleagues and workers from the outlets he's in charged of.

Recently there is not much communication between us too. Time left to be together is only about 2 hours each night and a goodbye kiss in the morning. Last week he told he he has applied 2 days leave for end of this month to spend some time together (me and kids) and also to rest.

After typing all the above, i feel as if i'm trying to make excuses for him. Am i in denial or could it really be that he's not in any A?

About the PI, i will not be able to hire one as since moving back to hometown he do not allow me to go work and i don't have any savings of my own...
About the identity of OW, i will try my best to uncover that. It should be someone from the office since he dropped her there (or her car parked there?)

Is there anyway to find out whether did a man had sex recently/today?

For the time being, i'm thinking of laying low, snooping and gathering evidence. Also try to find a job and try to persuade him to let me get back to work so that i can have a means to support myself and my kids if needed when the truth is uncovered later...
Please advise is this the correct way?

Check these out.
Semen Detectors

What about a VAR in his car? Recording Equipment
Can you have a friend follow him?

Yes look into getting a job for yourself, very smart.

Thanks.

Yes, might opt for VAR in the car soon...
He wanted to borrow my smartphone for a day or two and i'm thinking of installing tracking software in the phone and make good use of borrowing him my phone.

Yes. You're doing well because you're being proactive instead of reactive and listening.

Why you're snooping you're in Plan A. Carrot and Stick of Plan A

thanks again, i feel very much better after reading carrot n stick. It fixed the jumbled up thoughts and decisions in my head =)

I know things can get all jumbled and that's why Dr. Harley has us follow plans. Stay focused on what your next step will be.

On that note. How are you holding up?

i feel very much relaxed today maybe due to helps from you, this forum, reading what others is facing and also the guides by Dr.Harley. But i still don't really get it about how to create love (something like this) or maybe coz i finally interacted and communicated with my H last night after weeks of very less communication and he did told me quite alot of happenings in his company that he did not told me before.

1. Find out who is the OW
2. Identify myself, boost my self confidence