I wonder why I can't access Marcos's new thread

I wonder why it says no one has even read it.

I wonder if the same thing will happen to this new thread...

THUS...

a new thread about nothing is born. (at least it's not a website about nothing).

Mr. W

I am magic, MrWondering. I have super secret powers and can do things noone else knows how to do, like make threads noone can read or access.

I have a colonoscopy coming up next week with the double whammy of an endoscopy the same day.

There's something to talk about!

Discuss.....

The Colonoscopy Song

That is my contribution.

Nobody ever reads my threads, Mr. W!

Hey W, tried to email you while the forum was down. Can you give me your thoughts on my thread? I am mucked up a little right now.

Thanks

For anyone who really wants to know what that thread was about:

That's a piece of damage I inflicted while the board was down.

While the board was down it was possible to access posts and threads, user profiles, user posting histories, watchlist, and the front page of most forums. (Strangely I could not access the front page of MB101 yesterday, but could this morning.)

So I decided to try to post.

It blew up; the most recent created post was #2486041, and it told me it was attempting to create my post as #2486042, but there was already an entry in a table for a post with that number (apparently I'm not the only person who tried to post), and so there was a collision and my post was never created. But the thread had already been created. So now it's a thread, with no posts, which the UBB software doesn't expect can ever occur and doesn't know what to do with it, and trying to access it gives an error, so noone can ever post to it.

I think it should be harmless but a database admin could probably remove it if they wanted. Or we could keep it as a curiosity piece.

If the post had worked I was going to email a link to it around and watch it during the downtime.

Incidentally, since it was possible to access old posts, a great way to cope with the withdrawal and DTs yesterday was to go through somebody's posting history, like say:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&id=7840&view=posts

At least for those of us who can view his complete history.

There's plenty of other good users to follow around, too.

So what other exercises in futility do you enjoy?

tl

People that can't spell MarKos aren't allowed to read his thread, Dear!

Mrs. W

P.S. Reynolds, Mr. W just called me and told me about your post on this thread -- he'll be away from the computer until much later tonight, so he asked me to take a look...On my way over to see if there is anything I can add.

Look, I didn't say my superpowers were useful...

Originally I was going to make a big deal about that with folks, until I saw Prisca had spelled it with a C.

It seems that if majority rules, I'm marcos.

It's supposed to look Greek rather than Hispanic. I'm not either one, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

markos,

how about starting your own thread here? It does seem as if you might need help.

Hey, Markos? Tell Prisca to swing by her thread.

Okay.

I've been getting some pretty good help. I've been posting to Dr. Harley as well as emailing through our coach, and a friend from Marriage Builders has been talking to me a LOT on the phone and through email.

I'm focused really hard on trying to meet Prisca's emotional needs and eliminate controlling Love Busters. I started an anger management course and have read most of the materials from a second course when the first one didn't quite measure up. (Neither one is a 100% match for what Dr. Harley said to look for, but the second one is definitely much closer.) I'm trying to take advantage of every opportunity to be alone with Prisca and make being with her a pleasant experience.

You are working really hard on the marriage. Well done. Do you see changes in how you relate to each other?

Yes, there have been a lot of changes, and a lot of good moments over the last year. I can see the difference in Prisca when I've gone a long time without love busting her.

Right now I think my main job is to make these changes permanent. I "eliminated" AOs, DJs, and SDs last year once; Prisca even told me so. But "spontaneous recovery" occurred. I discovered new frustrating situations I wasn't prepared for, and they came back. So now I'm working on handling frustration, in general, learning to never respond with any of these behaviors in any circumstances.

What was behind your asking Prisca to post here, though? What has been the problem, from your point of view?

Disrespectful judgments.

But it seems Prisca and I are not on the same page. Since she told me she didn't know what to do to stop disrespectful judgments, I asked her to get help, but I don't remember saying she should post here; at her request I offered a list of possible suggestions including posting to Dr. Harley or talking with our MB coach, so I probably mentioned it as one of those possibilities.

And the conversation was over a week ago, and this last week the problem has been much better! So I thought that whatever she had done to get help, was working pretty well. There was a DJ last night, though, and she left our bed to sleep on the coach and isn't saying much today, so I am worried about what is going on.

Prisca's disrespectful judgments seem to come from an assumption that I do not care about her. When she feels something is lacking I'd like her to ask for it (and if I can't just give it to her I'd like her to be accepting of my feelings and point of view and negotiate alternatives with me), but sometimes what has happened is she starts the conversation with assumptions. She has told me I am ignoring her and that I don't care about her. She's told me that I must expect her to take care of everything by herself.

And she has argued with me when I've spoken about this problem. She's told me she wasn't being disrespectful, tried to explain to me why her DJs aren't DJs.

And she's gotten very mad at me when I've tried to disengage from dangerous conversations. I have spent a lot of the last year learning how wrong and hurtful it is to try to force her to talk about a problem, and I'd like to have the same consideration extended to me. When I feel like there is a DJ I don't want to discuss the details of it (our coach said that was a very difficult thing to do without a fight). Last year Prisca highlighted a sentence in Love Busters that said "If your negotiation turns sour, and one of you succumbs to the temptation of the Taker with demands, disrespect or anger, end the discussion by changing the subject to something more pleasant." So I think that she would like me to do that. But sometimes when I have tried to gently change the subject or indicate I'm uncomfortable with a conversation she has responded with DJs. We agreed awhile back that we would grant each other at least ten minutes to calm down at any time (that's how long Dr. Harley says to take when you are frustrated to get all the adrenaline out of your system and avoid an angry outburst), but sometimes when I have tried to take that long to respond (we still talk a lot by instant messenger while I am at work) she has gotten upset with me or told me I am ignoring her. And truthfully if we take ten minutes and start again and I'm still subjected to DJs, the conversation is still not safe for me to continue.

I gave Prisca several DJ worksheets last year but haven't seen a lot of response. I did these on paper for awhile, but I started doing them through email after one MB lesson night we scheduled, when I gave her my form and she wouldn't extend her hand to take it from me. I was left standing there with my hand outstretched with the paper in it and she just looked at me; finally I just let go and dropped it to the ground. The last DJ worksheet I sent I asked "Can we talk about these some time?" but there was no response.