You know we spoken in passing a couple times on MB.

I have a OC because of my FWW.

We gave our baby girl up for adoption.

We had a contingency plan that if the OM refused to sign over his rights, we would keep OC until all things legal were sorted out and then put our OC up for custody.

...I've stopped posting on runningboy66's thread because I think I made the wrong decision in my life.

I was afrad of several things

1. OM inserting his hatred into our D to get back at my W and I when she was visiting him.
2. Being told by my OC that im not her daddy
3. Constantly having OM interfere with our values

We bypassed all that with adoption. My guilt is that I was only thinking of me. I am reminded of that guilt now that my second daughter is starting to resemble her half-sister.. a GREAT deal..
(moms DNA is stronger than mine).

Have any of my worries, been your reality?

Just wanted to know.....

(((RMX)))

I am not Kimmy but just wanted to say I am sorry for how you are feeling regret. You did what was best for your family at the time. I suspect all parents that give a child up for adoption, even if it was the best for the child, has regrets. Kimmy will answer better than I, but yes it has been very difficult for her dealing with xOW.

By the way, RMX, I know a BH who is now recently D'd. He loved and accepted OC for two 1/2 years only to have that child removed from his life via the D. If they had not allowed OM to interfere in their M via visitation with OC, I suspect he would not be suffering the loss he is now. You can't know, RMX how these things will play out.

I often wonder if my H will regret in the future being NC with his OC. It was his choice. The sad thing is he had some C with the OC until he ended the A. By then OC was nearly 2. I am sure it was not a choice entered into lightly but was the best he felt he could do to for everyone.

God bless you.

I think adoption is a wonderful option. We all know there are people who would make excellent parents who cannot have their own child.

The worst choice is abortion. Nothing but a lifetime of regret.

Keeping the child with contact can also make life a living H*ll. My OC's mother would not get out of the picture. She held the OC over our heads for 8 years. And we had physical custody of the child for most of that time, but no legal custody. The mom/OW played my husband, interfered in our marriage and continued extorting us for money.

Then she disappeared, left the state with the OC. When, two years later, she found a new boyfriend who didn't like the OC, she gave her up to the OC's aunt.

Kimmy can attest to what life is like with a manipulative OP.

Our story had a happy ending (well, except for WH who died before OC came back into our lives, and OP who hasn't seen her daughter in 15 years). OC and her brothers are in each others lives again and very happy. Finding her was one of the happiest things in our lives.

First of all, I think adoption is one of the most selfless things a person can do.

Every one of what you were afraid of has happened, RMX.

Every

Single

One.

I've had my beloved daughter tell me that I'm not her REAL mommy when I've denied her somthing that was not appropriate for her to have at the time.

I've had the children come to me in tears because their grandmother (mother of the OW) told the children that my parents ARE NOT their grandparents and their only other grandparents are dead.

And I've had the OW text as late as 2 weekends ago that I control my husband and that they could be so happy together (2 years later).

So if you EVER made the choice you did because of the difficulties that you might face, I applaude you. You were selfless and kind - both to your wife and yourself AND TO THE CHILD.

There is much hardship in having to deal with the OP ever after - especially if the OP in your life is as flighty and fruit-loopy as ours is.

In the beginning, my ire was at BOTH of them - my wh and the OW. Now, it all lies soley with her and her family. We have gone on with our lives. She continues to try to usurp and spread discontent.

Believer,

Your story is one of hope, but also what I fear most in the world.

If something would happen to my dear husband now, she would be able to swoop in and take my children. I know we'd never see them till they were adults.

By then, all damage would prolly be unfixable.

Kimmy - That is why I would NEVER again have an OC in my life without the legal backup.

Surprisingly I got along fine with the OW. She was pleasant but pathetic. Many times I talked with my husband and her about getting him put on the birth certificate legally. But she was collecting welfare, and collecting from us and didn't want to do it.

And the thing that was so awful is how she claimed she loved her daughter so much. But as soon as my husband started standing up to her, she left the state. And then, 2 years later, she abandoned her daughter.

She was interested in her daughter for the money and power it gave her.

Kimmy, any judge that would EVER in ANY circumstances return your kids to their mother who has lived in filth and squalor and never paid any child support would be a total nut.

Still.

She trumps me if anything happens to my husband.

I would fight for them, but the justice system sometimes disregards what is right in favor of DNA.

It hoovers, but it is true.

Oh, RMX...the little ones look exactly like my husband's side of the family.

They are both darker versions of my bio kids. My DD - the OC DD - looks EXACTLY like my favorite sil did when she was little.

They grow beautiful children, I must say. My husband's genes are both dominant and lovely.

.. Well I really thought about it for a long time. I do have to say I was able to kind of cope because, I had a say in picking the adoptive couple. I really took my time to consider all the options, even going as far as to speak with Family Service Association for thier kidshare program in case we kept the OC and the POS-OM somehow managed to get visitation (in exchange for CS)

I sat around and probably daydreamed several what-if scenarios of us keeping OC, did alot of homework figuring out what I could stomach and what I couldn't. At the end, I decided I couldn't handle reconciling my M, and Raising two kids, on 7.75 an hour, with my wife being a SAHM... and a OM who saw my wife as a conquest to be competed for over and over ALL at the same time.

It is a open adoption, and we get to see pictures and talk to her but we're known as Aunt and Uncle.

Contrary to what people say... Seeing her doesnt remind me of the A, it makes me think what it would be like to watch her playing with her siblings.


and my OC looks like her mom and her half siblings just a little darker cuz shes only 1/4 hispanic.

Well im off to Chachos to let the little ones run thier heads off.

I don't care if people know what city i live in, we're 1.8 million strong

You and your wife...tell her...I bless you both with every atom of me.

And, the mesquite beef fajita tacos...oi...never, ever pass them up.

- Kim