My husband admitted to having cyber affairs several months ago and quit when I found out about it [I kicked him out]. I do believe he has not done anything since then because, unbeknownst to him, I have his password and have monitored his email activity ever since. <P>Just to be safe, though, I am thinking of installing some of the cybersnoop software on his computer. Can anyone tell me which is the best, Win Guardian or Spector? WinGuardian is about $30 cheaper but seems easy to use. I haven't tried Spector yet? Are there any others that are better? I would want to monitor websites and especially chat sessions via instant message.

sigh.............. what a horrible way to live. This is the first time I have ever had an untrustworthy mate and it is no walk in the park.

I was given this link in a post to me, and have just now been looking at it. It looks like a good deal, lot of info.<P> <A HREF="http://www.bustedyouonline.com" TARGET=_blank>www.bustedyouonline.com</A> <P>Check this out

I use 007 starr from iopus.com. <P> Spector would not work on Windows ME. Froze my machine as soon as it started. <P> Don't know about Win Guardian. <P> I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. But you have come to the right place.

We use 007 Starr ( <A HREF="http://www.iopus.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.iopus.com</A> ).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Being married to a cybercheater and having talked to MANY other BS, I have found that checking e-mail is not enough. Using your current surveillance techniques, you are missing crucial information. If the cheaters have secret web-based e-mail accounts like my husband did at YAHOO and Hotmail, you are missing a lot. If they are chatting online using chat clients like YAHOO, AOL, or MSN Messenger, you are missing that too by just monitoring his e-mail. These cheaters are very sneaky and are not always so willing to quit right away. <P>It saddens me so to see so many people cheating online. I think the Internet has made it so easy for the shy people who would never do such a thing in their own community to cheat behind the perceived anonymity of the Internet. I had to print up some of the screen captures from Spector and confront my spouse with the physical evidence. Yet, I am online here and I can see he is online at work via YAHOO messenger. Actively online. I have no idea who he is chatting with but I will monitor him all day and it seems like he is chatting all day with someone. I can't access his computer at work. I really do not know what to do from this point. It is bothering me and I have told him so but he still does it. Anyone have some suggestions? It is bothering me and I have told him so but he still does it.<P>There are a number of software "spy" programs that are on the market right now so it is hard to make a decision. I have been using Spector since April 2001 and have been so pleased with it that I would highly recommend it. Spector worked great for me in Microsoft Explorer. I could see all f the sites and chats and webcamming, hurtful as it was. I run it in stealth mode all of the time. He still doesn't know how I found everything out. He just knows I am watching him.<P>Here is my story about my husband's addiction to porn... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/004669-2.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/004669-2.html</A> <P>scroll down to my post, my name is Bluebird...<P>My husband's cybercheating had been going on I suspect for several years, before that it was phone sex on two separate occasions, before that it was pornographic mags. I discovered he planned to meet with one of his online cybergals just a few days after I had discovered his online activities.<P>I installed Spector on our home PC. Since that time I have created a site dedicated to helping people suffering from online affairs. This is where I am venting my frustrations and anger by helping other people who are hurting just like me. It is helping in my healing process.<P>Trusting after an online infidelity is so hard, especially when nothing physical has happened. The people at MB have been so helpful in helping validate my feelings and helping me think clearly and rationally when I am at the end of my rope. You have come to the right place for support.<P>I think what has helped me the most is knowing it is over. I know what he is doing and he knows I am watching him. Radical honesty, no privacy, installing the Spector program and having all of his passwords, is what has worked for us in establishing trust again but boy is it hard and I can't even begin to explain how much I hurt. I just have to trust the healing process and hope that in time I will trust him again.<P>Anyway, check it out..hope you find it helpful... <A HREF="http://www.bustedyouonline.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.bustedyouonline.com</A> You can download Spector, eBlaster and other software from there and I have several articles on the problem of online infidelity and a huge list of links.<P>Bernzini, thanks for dropping by my site. I am glad you found it helpful!<P>jdmac1, I'm sorry to hear Spector would not work on your Windows ME. Did you contact tech support? The Spector folks have been incredibly helpful with any questions I have had. <P> <P>Bluebird<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>We use 007 Starr ( <A HREF="http://www.iopus.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.iopus.com</A> ).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for the advice! I looked into the Starr by Iopus and installed it. Now how do I check the logs?<BR>'<BR>Thanks!<P>

I assume that you know that you run from the "run" to start the selth version of starr007. There is a button on the main menu of starrcmd that says to generate a report. The button underneither that is to read the report. <P>Hope this helps. <P>Z

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zorweb: I assume that you know that you run from the "run" to start the selth version of starr007. There is a button on the main menu of starrcmd that says to generate a report. The button underneither that is to read the report. <P>Hope this helps. <P>Z</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks Zorweb,<P>I clicked on generate report and then on VIEW report and nothing happened? Do you know where I should look for the report?<P>

Never mind my last question,I figured it out! This seems like a great piece of software. I installed it on his computer and now have to sneak in there and type in the reg code so the box won't pop up if he restarts his computer. DO you have the logs mailed to you from his computer or do you just view them from his computer? I think I may try to have them emailed to me.

We do both. I am SeenTheLight's wife. I did not use the software to find out info on what he was doing. By the time I found it he had already confessed all to me. So now we have it installed on all our computers at home (we have 6 of them.) We use email on some and the others log to our "Network Nazi" directory. It's part of our total honesty agreement with each other.<P>At this point, it does not sound like our H would agree to the software but you do have the right to know what is going on in your life. If you use the email option,then your computer has to connected to the internet all the time. Actually, you could just not have it long to any file and then create a readable log when you have a chance to view it.<P>Just some options.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Here's a thought.......<P>Why don't you put all that snooping energy into bring trust and respect back into your relationship? <P>Until you get the answer that he's still doing it, or get bored snooping, this insecurity will not leave you alone.<P>Why not work towards the positives of your relationship instead of dwelling on the mistrust and disapointments?<P>Just a thought..<BR>Shepette<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Shepette:<BR><B>Here's a thought.......<P>Why don't you put all that snooping energy into bring trust and respect back into your relationship? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have already brought trust and respect into the relationship by being trustworthy and respectful. That is not the problem here. He has not, and that is the problem. Only he can rebuild what he has destroyed - there is no action that I can perform that would make him trustworthy - he has to do that. He has to prove himself to me.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Why not work towards the positives of your relationship instead of dwelling on the mistrust and disapointments?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ignoring problems is hardly a "positive" action, but a very evasive, silly one that solves nothing. <P>

I agree--it is completely foolish to trust someone who shows a pattern of dishonesty. What "positives" are there in a marriage when one person is doing as he pleases, disrespecting the other partner's needs and feelings when she closes her eyes to the situation and pretends nothing is happening? Is the disrespecting partner going to put effort into the situation? Absolutely not. He is getting what he wants: His own way, and is being rewarded for it by having a kind, caring partner that allows herself to be taken advantage of. The will be no "positives" in the relationship because the WS will feel there is no need to go out of his way to be a good marriage partner. He will be a "Taker."<P>This is exactly what my husband wanted; he wanted a loyal sex partner, a mom for his kid, and a housekeeper and an accountant. He also wants to have sex with other women outside of our marriage. I could just shut my mouth and pretend that this does not happen and we could all just go along our merry little way, couldn't we, and focus on the "positives." <P>The "positives" for me would be somewhere to sleep and enough food to eat, a comfortable lifestyle for the kid, (who, by the way, would learn from his father how to disrespect women) and a husband who gives me syphillis for a birthday present. That would be about it. Great life crammed full of "positives."<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 10, 2001).]

Shepette:<P>Seeking validation and truth is not a negative action.<P>In a relationship, using the rule of radical honesty, there are no secrets in a marriage. None. Zip. Nada. Everything should be completely open to one another.<P>This prevents "white lies" (which are justified lies, really), minor disceptions and half-truths. It is much easier to communicate, too. For if the rule of honesty is being implemented within the context of the rules of care and protection (which it should be), what we don't understand, we are free to ask about.<P>If there are secrets, we can't ask, can we?<P>Honesty is the bedrock for all else in a marriage. Without it, you are building a house on shifting sand.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

zorweb, I am hoping you will see this and can answer a question about the Starr software. Often when I go to check the logs it tells me "log exceeded size limit and was deleted, another log has been started." [grrrr] I went under settings and attempted to unselect the size limit option but once you go to shut the settings box it demands a numerical value in that space so I am back to square 1. I set it at what I thought was the highest and I still get deleted logs. Do you have this same problem?