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Joined: Oct 2007
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My name is L2F, and I'm a Plan C'er

What is Plan C you ask? It's Plan Confusion, and it's NOT the MB way.

Plan C is what you do when you don't truly get the specifics of Plan A/B.

It's what you do when you try a mish mash of both without consistency, without understanding, without faith and patience.

It's what you do when you let your emotions guide your actions

It's what you do when you're afraid of WSs reaction.

It's what you do when you believe...even slightly...some of the threats, rants and accusations that you WILL hear from WS's mouth.

It's what you do when you're afraid of the consequences of YOUR actions.

It's what you do when you give all your power to your WS and don't recognize your own.

The danger of Plan C is that it can go on for a VERY long time. Life is short, your love bank must survive, and so must you.

I really don't recommend Plan C.

L2F

I'll be back later with some of my own Plan C follies. Please feel free to share your own...cuz we've all got 'em.


If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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That was an insightful post L2F! Now are you willing to change the things you have recognized?
Say


Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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I know I was a plan C er. I just recently went to a Plan B for myself and my marriage. I tried to understand my husbnad too much. I thought if I understood him it would make it easier to deal with what was going on. It does a little but there are so many things I just won't ever understand.

I felt like because my husband never chose to leave our marriage completely that we were somehow different from some of the stories here. He always said he didn't want a divorce, then in anger and tears in his eyes said he did. Then when I mentioned an attorney he said if that's what "I" want. Then the other day when I asked if he was ever going to come home he replied not right now. Another time when I talked to him and asked if he was ever going to live in our house again he said I don't know.

I thought because I read so many stories about how the spouses were fighting, introducing the children to the affair partners, moving in with them and all these other horrible things that maybe our situation wasn't as bad off.

Maybe it isn't. But it's still an affair. And I realized that in the beginning my husband was cake eating. Then fence sitting. If there is a difference. I believe that he probably does want our marriage to work. I just don't think he knows how to fix this mess. In the meantime I will work on me and leave the rest to God.

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Hi SNM,

Quote
are you willing to change the things you have recognized?
Already done! This thread is driven by an "aha moment" and I wanted to get it down before I forgot...

Plan C is fearing exposure because of reasons x, y or z...all of which have probably been hinted at by WS

Plan C is also venting to friends and family about all the gory details instead of simply informing, asking for advice and letting them know you love your WS and are working hard to save the marriage

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Yes, PL.

Plan C is letting your WS call the shots

Plan c is reacting to WS rather than getting in the driver's seat yourself

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FOR ME PLAN C IS STAYING IN THIS HOUSE "FOR THE KIDS" WHEN MENTALLY I DECIDED I WOULD NEVER TRUST HIM, OVER 2 YEARS AGO!!


me- 34, BW
WH- 39
2DD- 6yr old, 3yr old
DD- 2/06
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Plan C is letting your WW give OM your car to drive...


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Originally Posted by Learning2Fly
Plan C is letting your WW give OM your car to drive...

Ok, Ok....I claim that one as mine! I did it...

Duh shocked

Just to clairify... I didn't let her... she just did it...

I didn't reposess the car when she started letting her boyfriend drive it...

However, I have some news about that... I'll post it on my thread...


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Originally Posted by Learning2Fly
Plan C is also venting to friends and family about all the gory details instead of simply informing, asking for advice and letting them know you love your WS and are working hard to save the marriage

Ummm....ooops. I have to admit that I have done this. They know all the gory details, but they also know that I love my WH and I want to save my marriage. LOL, darn Plan C strikes again!


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Plan C sucks. I think its actually where all plans begin though.

The faster a BS can get themselves OUT of Plan C, the better off they are!

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Quote
Plan C is letting your WW give OM your car to drive...
Quote
Ok, Ok....I claim that one as mine! I did it...
wink

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Plan C is beginning to believe it when your WS tells you you're nuts...

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...it's taking any responsibility whatsoever for your WS's choice to have an affair...

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Quote
...it's taking any responsibility whatsoever for your WS's choice to have an affair...
Ah, that would be me as well as telling people the gory details...





BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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My Plan C was thinking (first mistake), that my WH was somehow different than the rest, not as cruel, not as despicable, not as messed up.

I was wrong.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Originally Posted by Learning2Fly
My name is L2F, and I'm a Plan C'er

What is Plan C you ask? It's Plan Confusion, and it's NOT the MB way.

Plan C is what you do when you don't truly get the specifics of Plan A/B.

It's what you do when you try a mish mash of both without consistency, without understanding, without faith and patience.

It's what you do when you let your emotions guide your actions

It's what you do when you're afraid of WSs reaction.

It's what you do when you believe...even slightly...some of the threats, rants and accusations that you WILL hear from WS's mouth.

It's what you do when you're afraid of the consequences of YOUR actions.

It's what you do when you give all your power to your WS and don't recognize your own.

The danger of Plan C is that it can go on for a VERY long time. Life is short, your love bank must survive, and so must you.

I really don't recommend Plan C.

L2F

I'll be back later with some of my own Plan C follies. Please feel free to share your own...cuz we've all got 'em.



Notable Post baby !



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Oh yeah, I was the biggest Plan C'er 'round these parts. Back and forth between Plan A and Plan B via the LB route in between with with a detour to Lack of Conditions Enforcement.

Like Puppy, I thought because my WH said he loved me, didn't want a D, etc. that he was different. Plan C is thinking you are in a great recovery and not really verifying it. Surprise, 5 months later found out A never ended. Some spectacular cake-eating right under the my sorry [censored].

Found out the hard way that WS's are all the SAME.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Plan C is trying to resolve long standing marital problems while an active affair is continuing.

It is trying to fix it to save it instead of saving it so it can be fixed.

Mark

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Thanks Pep!

...Plan C is not reading everything Pepperband has written before deciding on a plan of action

wink

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Its amazing how BS's and WW's are all textbook in our behaviour when we have to deal with this awful situation of an affair.For me its a relief to know that this is how things pan out and that I'm not nuts or that my situation is not any different to others here.
Its scary to think that human beings can behave in such similar ways even though our personalities are so different.



BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!







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