I'm unable to speak to your husband's motives in going in the room, nor what he has thought about it since. I will speak to the nakedness, however, based on 40 years of nursing--30 of it spent in labor and delivery.

Very few women are totally naked while delivering. Uncovered, yes. Naked? Not so much. And what is exposed (and I could get more descriptive, but why get censored?), while it is generally related to sex, is not in any way SEXY! Not to any normal male fantasy that I've ever heard, at any rate. Blood, amniotic fluid, bodily excretions of all types, both mom's and baby's...I've cleaned this stuff up a thousand times and more, for decades, and at times the delivery room looked like an abattoir.

Can your husband get some good sexual fantasies out of seeing that? I don't know. I think it would be some work to do it, at any rate. But he did disrespect your request, and that bothers me. It also bothers me that you have to act like the presidential advance security team, and secure an area before he's allowed into it. How old is this man? And when is he going to take a little personal responsibility? You have given yourself an impossible task to perform, and as I look at it, I'd be WAY less worried about this one-time look at some unattractive and uncovered parts, and more concerned about his regularly trying to make me mother/police/guard/conscience to protect him from himself.

No, he didn't cheat. Unless your SIL was spectacularly and uniquely displayed, post-delivery (which I'm having a hard time imagining), he didn't see anything to get turned on over. But he was rude to you, and he's making YOU be the responsible one, while he skates, in your day-to-day life. Focus on that, I think, since it is where the problem lies, and where the changes need to be made.

tl

I'm also confused in that I'm wondering if these things you do for him, sanitizing life around you, is that something he requested you do for him or is that a role you've assumed to protect yourself, him or both?

T

In addition to your husband getting help to try to curb his addiction, you may be able to do things at home to help.

It sounds like one of his most important emotional needs is sex (if not the most important) and that voyeurism is a big facet of what turns him on. Maybe try to find out what he likes to look at and why, and see if you can emulate that at home. Some guys, like myself, just like the thrill of variety, and seeing different women fulfills that. So when my wife would want to really get me going, she'd buy new underwear, or put on a sexy outfit that she hadn't worn for a while, or even suggest sex in a place or a way that was not typical for us. Some guys have a particular "thing" that they like to see. Part of the body, pose, etc. If you can begin meeting his need for sex in the way that pleases him most, it will help him not feel like he has to go outside the marriage to have it met.

And discuss with him your need to feel safe from having his eyes wandering. Unfortunately in today's world you won't be able to get away from half-naked (or naked) women no matter how hard you try. All you can do is ask him to respect your need to feel like he only has eyes for you, and to try your best to give him something that he looks forward to putting his eyes on.

No, No, No.

Her husband has used sex to self medicate. This isn't an issue of her meeting his needs. It's an issue of her husband having used sex to numb himself from feeling. He's used women to get high. Just like a drug addict uses coke to get high. Your suggestion would be like telling a wife to make sure she's got a good supply of dope at home so her husband doesn't have to buy it off the streets.

Besides S-Anon, there's also COSA. CoDA might work well for you too.

Online, there's recoverynation.com and no-porn.net

I've gotten the most mileage out of seeing a sex addiction counselor, myself, to learn to process/deal with my husband's addiction.

OK - no matter how many times I explain to my husband how what he did makes me feel, he refuses to apologize. He new my sister-in-law was naked, I asked him to wait outside the room till she had a chance to cover up - he went right in anyway. In our marriage we have a boundary - we do not see others naked. My husband purposely crossed that boundary right in front of my eyes. I can not just continue on like nothing happened. I have no idea what to do from here. Any ideas?

Have you tried the suggestions you've been given?

Find an S-Anon group - live or on-line. I happen to know of a closed meeting that is by invitation only. You're welcome to contact me through the moderators and I'll send you a link where you can sign up if you'd like.

Have you picked up a copy of an Al-Anon basic text and started your first step inventory?

Have you found a sponsor?

Have you recognized that your addiction to him and his drama is as spiritually caustic to you as his addiction is to him?

Why do you demand an apology from him when you won't admit your own wrongs and do something about them? (You excuse yourself from setting boundaries that are healthy for you and place responsibility for his recovery on him, admitting you are obsessive but unwilling to do anything about it!)

Another good anon study is "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. My S-Anon sponsor had me read that book.

Do you really want suggestions for recovery? Or do you want more of the same, with validation that he's a bad guy?