What about the $8000.00 you owe your EX?
What about the attorney fees for your last divorce?
What about the thousands you owe your mother?
What about your EX'x car payment you have to make?
What about YOUR house payments that were behind?
Did you keep the insurance money for that new barn?
What about your other many bills that were behind?
You could not even afford propane recently....they cut you off for unpaid bills with them.....!?

It does not add up for me I am sorry....

What about the $8000.00 you owe your EX? Taken care of with a bank loan.

What about the attorney fees for your last divorce? I paid them, ex still owes court fees but that's not my problem.

What about the thousands you owe your mother? She says I don't owe her anything.

What about your EX's car payment you have to make? All done, it's paid for.

What about YOUR house payments that were behind? I got caught up, worked my butt off, everything is current, even taxes.

Did you keep the insurance money for that new barn? Nope, paid down the house loan.

What about your other many bills that were behind? All caught up with a little help from my bank; so I do have a bank loan I'm paying on; but it's current. And affordable.

You could not even afford propane recently....they cut you off for unpaid bills with them.....!? Yep, last April. I owed them $432 and got it paid. This year I heated with wood and space heaters; saved over $2,000 on heating bills!

It CAN be done........we had no extras this summer. No pool passes, no vacations, no trips to moms, no new clothes, nothing. I worked as many hours as they would let me, sold stuff on ebay, sewed for people, did farmer's market, worked other jobs here and there. And it helped that I got a $5,000 tax refund; paid off alot with that.

I don't think I'll be posting for any help with marriage issues anymore, you all are too unfriendly.

Anna, I'm sorry, I think what translated as unfriendliness was actually concerned alarm. We are acutely aware of your past problems. With your H procrastinating to the point of getting cut off or lawsuits waved in his face, we got worried!

Not many are as diligent as you are cleaning up money messes.

I am still concerned...a vast majority of families are just two months away from financial disaster and literally being homeless. Losing a job, a car breaks down, a fridge goes out, a medical emergency, etc., etc. Life has a way of happening. As you well know!

I hope your H's attitude about debts matures. It would be unfair, and detrimental to your relationship, if you must continue to find ways to "respectfully police" him. Whew. I get weary just thinking about it, the respectful wording required in the face of procrastinations.

Hey, how are things with your oldest S?

Anna:

I certainly hope you will not be deterred. You have to remember this is an open forum, and I highly doubt that anyone meant to offend. Some people will ask you to be honest with yourself (generally speaking), and sometimes that doesn't go over well because people often don't want to take a look inside at their own habits.

It is obvious to me that you are the stronger one when it comes to managing finances, likely due to doing without while trying to raise children on your own. Kudos to you for working so hard to figure things out, keep your kids fed and warm, pay down your debts, etc.

I believe what someone meant to elicit is some self awareness at your own financial habits along with your husband's? That's not a bad thing, and you answered those questions well. It makes perfect sense to me that this is a raw area for you, that you are not complacent when it comes to financial hardship and are understandably afraid of being in dire financial shape again.

I think the spouse who is better at finances should absolutely take on that responsibility of managing the money. However, this needs to be agreed on, with a weekly or monthly sit down with your spouse to explain what you're doing with the money, what is left for spending, etc. I strongly suggest, from personal experience, to do this to avoid resentment.

In our case, my husband makes the money. I manage it. Sometimes when he wants something for a project or an article of new clothing, I will have to tell him 'not right now,' and it can cause problems. The remedy for that is sitting down and showing him where the money is going - even if he doesn't enjoy it and would rather be doing something else...it's still something that should be done.

I think you two will learn, through trial and error, what will work for you in regards to finances and what won't. Hang in there. You're doing great.

Actually, my H is really great about talking about finances, giving his input, working together on them. I refuse to make the decisions myself; however I enjoy organizing the money and writing the checks (weird, I know), and he hates that part. Which is why he procrastinated. He's a very social person and would much rather be having friends over for pizza and games than paying bills, which he sees as a huge chore. He also sees taking care of the house as a chore; but now that he's talked to the buyer I have an idea where he needs help. I'm putting together a list of questions for him to take when he meets with the buyer on Saturday, and then we can take the answers to the lawyer next week and he'll plug them all into the contract agreement so as of April 1st the new owner will be making the house payment plus a little more. We'll add a few hundred to that each month and be able to catch up on the house payments; the bank would much rather we do it this way as they don't want to foreclose and they are willing to work with us.

I think taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Course through my church was really helpful in talking about this area. My H had never bothered with a budget and really learned alot, as did I. Our goal is to be debt free (except the mortgage) in 2 years and totally debt free in 6. I had already been doing alot of the things he teaches, which is how I got my debt down so much in one summer; but I learned even more on what to do next.

I know his attitude towards spending has been somewhat immature, but he hasn't had to share finances in a long time. He married young, divorced a few years later with no kids, and has been single the last 12 years. It actually amazes me how giving and sharing he is. Yesterday I thanked him for pitching in with my kids the way he has....after his 3rd trip to town to pick one of them up. I don't even ask him and he always wants to go to their concerts, PT conferences, ball games, take them to youth group, etc. He's very family oriented.

Laura; you asked about my OS: He's up and down. 17, no job, poor grades. Great sense of humour, charming with the girls. Has had some minor trouble with the law, i.e. skipping school and hanging out in the park with a friend. (1 time). Doesn't drink or do drugs that I can tell. He hangs out with his bio dad alot; who seems to have turned over a new leaf and is living in town, employed, paying child support, and working with me on parenting. I guess I just keep hanging in there; I'd like to see him doing better; but I'm glad it's not worse.