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#2275600 11/17/09 06:51 PM
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Mulan Offline OP
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So as not to threadjack from claygal:

Quote
I know he had a fantasy that he could divorce me, we would still be friends, he could still come over and see me and the kids any time he wanted, we would have BBQ's together (even stated this to me and kids), would spend all holidays together, and he could still have his OW long distance on the side.

What cracks me up is that this is exactly what he was trying to do while married! For some reason, virtually all WS think that if they just get a divorce, the above description will easily happen and the only thing standing in its way is that pesky marriage!

Jon Gosselin tried to do exactly the same thing to Kate, and I would bet the house that my XWH thought he'd be able to do the same. I don't know, though, since I have not spoken one word to him since he moved out in June of 2008.

And anyone who says an XBS should do all that "for the children" or "to be civilized" has got it completely backward.

How many here had WS/XWS who seemed to think everything would be just fine and friendly, with plenty of drop-in family time, if they just got a divorce? Like divorce would solve all the problems and the BS would be fine with the OP now since, after all, we're not married anymore and that was the only objection, right?
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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My screwballXWW, has, on a couple of occassions, tried to engage in banter, joking etc. I just ignore her. Maybe, if she ever told the truth and apologized, I would be willing to talk to her about things other than the logitics of the kids.
But, until she come clean and apologizes, I'm having none of it.

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Yup, that is exactly what my WH thought, he still tries to get me to go to family things with him and DS....One big happy family(oh except for the mistress)

He actually sent me a text saying for me to stop acting like a spoiled child and think of DS for once....UUUGGHHH!!!

WS wants this now...he doesnt even want a divorce...he wants him, DS and I to go to all the family things, spend holidays together, be best pals....but he want his OW too...Weeee, sounds like fun, doesnt it?


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Actually, shortly after Dday...My WH had it all planned out..Well lets see, only movie stars get divorced because they are rich..so WH planned for us to stay married, act like a happy family, but he would move in downstairs and still be able to see OW....I wonder how long it took him to figure out that brilliant plan for HIMSELF!


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Mulan Offline OP
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Quote
He actually sent me a text saying for me to stop acting like a spoiled child and think of DS for once....UUUGGHHH!!!

But you ARE thinking of your DS - you are thinking you don't want him to learn that other human beings can be treated like pets that you drop in on whenever you feel like it. You are teaching DS that a spouse is an equal partner who deserves to be respected. You are teaching him that other people are not things you collect like toys to amuse yourself whenever YOU want to play with them.

Quote
WS wants this now...he doesnt even want a divorce...he wants him, DS and I to go to all the family things, spend holidays together, be best pals....but he want his OW too...Weeee, sounds like fun, doesnt it?

And this is exactly what he wanted while married to you - right?
Mulan


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Yup, You got it, Mulan...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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sigh you people are so intolerant and narrow minded!! How can you have a diversity of friends if you practice exclusion?? If you exclude liars, cheaters and adulterers, how can you claim to be diverse? I know I always seek those traits in my friends! You judgmental bigots! naughty


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
sigh you people are so intolerant and narrow minded!! How can you have a diversity of friends if you practice exclusion?? If you exclude liars, cheaters and adulterers, how can you claim to be diverse? I know I always seek those traits in my friends! You judgmental bigots! naughty

rotflmao Yeah, I know...I have been also told by WH that I am narrow minded. Its kinda hard to find friends for me I guess being this way....I am glad I found all my judgemental bigot friends on MB though dance2

Last edited by stillhere8126; 11/17/09 07:30 PM. Reason: redundency

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Posts: 2,390
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Yep, it's what they all want - the spouse and the OP.

Sorry, but I married my H, not my WH AND the OP. Three person marriages just don't work for me.

Still, you should have NONE of it. Don't be the third partner. Let his OW meet his needs.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Yeah, I dont do any of it...It would hurt too much for me to do it anyway...but I swear if it werent for MB I would be doing it, pain and all, because my WH is very convincing on makin me feel selfish and guilty, he just is. He always had so much control over my self worth.....Coming on here is what helps me the most, thank God for this website.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,775
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In the movie I mentioned, in another thread, "A Serious Man', the poor BH is chastised by both his wife and the OM for not acting like an adult. It is maddening. I wanted to punch the OM right in the hog jowls(just trying to be a little Texan-like, for Mel).

Last edited by Zelmo; 11/17/09 07:39 PM.
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And of course, thank God for you guys... grin

Last edited by stillhere8126; 11/17/09 07:43 PM.

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Posts: 2,617
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Originally Posted by Zelmo
In the movie I mentioned, in another thread, "A Serious Man', the poor BH is chastised by both his wife and the OM for not acting like an adult. It is maddening. I wanted to punch the OM right in the hog jowls(just trying to be a little Texan-like, for Mel).

You have made me so curious about this movie, Z....but I think it would pi$$ me off too much...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Yeah, I dont do any of it...It would hurt too much for me to do it anyway...but I swear if it werent for MB I would be doing it, pain and all, because my WH is very convincing on makin me feel selfish and guilty, he just is. He always had so much control over my self worth.....Coming on here is what helps me the most, thank God for this website.

Mine was the same, and I would be in the same position if it weren't for MB. I agree - thank God for this website. It has saved me many times.....


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Originally Posted by Zelmo
I wanted to punch the OM right in the hog jowls(just trying to be a little Texan-like, for Mel).

See, some Texan is rubbin off on YankeeZelmo! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Originally Posted by Zelmo
In the movie I mentioned, in another thread, "A Serious Man', the poor BH is chastised by both his wife and the OM for not acting like an adult. It is maddening. I wanted to punch the OM right in the hog jowls(just trying to be a little Texan-like, for Mel).

You have made me so curious about this movie, Z....but I think it would pi$$ me off too much...

It's really good and the Coen bros are from this area, Minnesota, so there is a ton of local stuff(like "Fargo"). It is fairly hilarious, but the cheating deal is quite triggering.

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Maybe that is why your WH is acting like a vengeful ba$[censored], Chai....He is not in control of you at all anymore, self worth and all...Chai is fighting back and not doing what WH wants, so he is hoppin mad.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Zelmo
I wanted to punch the OM right in the hog jowls(just trying to be a little Texan-like, for Mel).

See, some Texan is rubbin off on YankeeZelmo! grin

Zelmo, Nooo as a fellow yankee, I am just scared for you....


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Mulan Offline OP
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
Maybe that is why your WH is acting like a vengeful ba$[censored], Chai....He is not in control of you at all anymore, self worth and all...Chai is fighting back and not doing what WH wants, so he is hoppin mad.

Nothing makes a WS madder than having their fantasy busted to bits, whether it's while married or while divorced.

Heh.
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Here is MY fantasy of divorce.

It doesn't exist since once a couple marry and commit to a life together, they meet each other's emotional needs and are in no way vulnerable to other people.

That

and

I am forever and ever highly attractive to men who are five years younger than me....no matter HOW old I get (and I am planning on living a very long, fulfilling, good life).

smile







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