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Jonpen Offline OP
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Thanks sorted.
I got my recorder, Got an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow.
I finally calmed her aunt back down, and when I mentioned I'm fighting for the kids and a happy loving marriage she understood and said she would keep praying for us.

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Jonpen Offline OP
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Well,
I know they are not talking via text or cell phone (unless my WS has a pre-paid one) I checked her purse and nothing there. I know they are not talking on facebook. I still somehow get the feeling they are communicating somehow, I could be wrong.

If communication is still going on I know it's time for in home plan B. At this point I'm numb to her WS non sense, it still doesn't even bother me. I was shocked when I found out the 2 of them were in contact, but I didn't show my emotions.

My WS's aunt told her it really makes her mad that my WS is trying to have that kind of relationship. She said it's one thing if it's over between you and Jon, but it's another thing to be trying to get with a married man that has kids. I'm sure these words don't even phase my WS.

I'm thinking of going to in home plan B anyway regardless of continued contact or not. Like I said before I don't have that much love for my WS left, and it slowly fades everyday. I'm starting to just not care anymore, at this point it's almost like I'm trying to save my marriage just for the kids. I still believe that me and my wife could have a happy, strong, loving marriage, but like you said we haven't been together that long. she is young and now she has become much more attractive since she lost so much weight and joined the gym. I'm am trying to stop her from seeing OM1 but I am afraid that she will just go to OM2 if it doesn't work with OM1.

IMO I have been doing an amazing plan A. I still tell her she looks good when she deserves it, I talk with her all the time about anything, I am keeping the house clean still, but there are NO results. I know it takes time and lots of time, but should I have not seen ANY results by now? I'm going to try to give her a backrub soon, I'm just waiting for the right time and the right way to ask.

I just HATE knowing that now they are back in contact ALL my plan A work has reset and I'm back to nothing.






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I'm not a vet admittedly, but I've been here for a couple of years. I don't believe that there is such a thing as a Plan B while in the same house. It just won't work in my opinion. You can call it a Plan B if you want but it's only a Plan B if zero contact except through an IM.

Mindshare

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Originally Posted by Jonpen
..I finally calmed her aunt back down, and when I mentioned I'm fighting for the kids and a happy loving marriage she understood and said she would keep praying for us.

This is key, If the aunt is understanding and will support you then is it possible for you to understand wht you might need her to tell your wife to move out when you go to plan b?

Ok before you call the aunt rightnow wait and listen..

You do a plan A for an agreed upon time period and while you are doing it you keep Aunt informed. It has to be a strong Plan A. Write it down, run it by Mark, JL, jm,gack,and PSU so we can all agree with it.

Do not ask aunt about removing your wife yet. Get solid evedence of the affair for the law and so when the time comes, You can show Aunt and tearfully tell her howthis is tearing you apart. Explain Plan B and that you want a marriage but she WW wont try. Keep aunt in the loop. Talk to her and appeal to her sense of morality, decency, concern for her niece. DO NOT make it a war support effort. Talk to her at least once a week.

This way, Not only do you have the evidance is case it gets nasty and you can only salvage your children, but if aunt is in the loop she might ask WW to leave. If she wont ask WW to leave she might be "moved" by your evedence and sincerity to at least write something to the effect that you never left the marriage home, you were asked to leave by her.

See she will have to make a decision and if aunt is symathetic to your sitch for a month, it will be hard to NOT ask wife to leave. Also, by assosiation, she is verifing that there is an affair going on.

This all hinges on the aunt sympathising with you so not getting angry and ticked off or reacting badly is imperative and you MUST sell aunty on what you are doing and your intentions of healing the Fam.

If WW leaves, aunt makes a statement of support, you prob will get the kids. If aunt stabs you in the back after supporting you for a month it will still not go well with WW family cuz aunty will give them an earful.

This is just part ofthe angle you could use to hedge your bet. I don't see why you wouldn't consisder it because to be honest, you have only recently gotten stable enough to do a plan A. Going to plan B and moving to Dads now is too soon

Get the approval of the other ppl here about this "angle"


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
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Jon? you out there? whats happening?


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
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Originally Posted by SortedSomeOut
Jon? you out there? whats happening?
x2


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Jonpen Offline OP
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I'm still around, guys, I am just moving on with my life now. i have been going out with friends, having a good time, focusing on my school work and the kids. I know it's not a MB plan but I am kind of doing the 180. I feel better about myself, my stress is way down, and I'm living my life the way I should be.
She is still in love with him, I don't know if they are talking but I don't think they are.

I am still being nice and kind but I am taking care of myself and the kids. I don't do Her laundry or wash Her dishes or clean up Her messes, I only clean up after me and the kids. Truthfully she has been nicer and tries to talk to me more now then she has since the A.

I am still staying in the house with her,

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Originally Posted by Jonpen
I don't do Her laundry or wash Her dishes or clean up Her messes, I only clean up after me and the kids.
Are you in Plan A?

Don't make the mistake of judging your success or effectiveness by her reactions. Sometimes a successful plan A results in a hateful WS because when you're doing a great Plan A they have trouble convincing themselves how awful and rotten you are.

Conversely, if you do a lousy Plan A (or none at all) then they feel justified in their A and they are all pepped up and happy.

It doesn't always happen like this, but often enough that you absolutely should NOT base your behavior on what she's doing or saying.

So.. are you in Plan A?

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Jonpen Offline OP
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No, I am not in plan A anymore.

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Originally Posted by Jonpen
No, I am not in plan A anymore.
So, how is it going?


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,277
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Originally Posted by Gack1
So, how is it going?
Jon, you out there?

Last edited by Gack1; 03/24/10 10:07 AM.

Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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