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50 signs your spouse is having an Affair #2340052
03/19/10 10:23 PM
03/19/10 10:23 PM
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New Zealand
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lildoggie Offline OP
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Taken from an archive only thread by Triumph2
Original thread here
Feel free to add to it.

50 Indicators of Infidelity.

1. A sudden upturn in their demeanor or outlook on life.
2. Constantly late.
3. More possessive toward wallet, pocket calendar or briefcase.
4. Comes home more often with alcohol on breath.
5. Starts talking about getting together with old friends they haven't seen in years.
6. Starts shopping for new clothes.
7. Starts taking a renewed interest in their appearance.
8. Starts keeping an overnight bag in their car or office, ostensibly for a workout or a game of tennis.
9. Orders dishes or new household items never ordered before.
10. Does not look at other women/men as much as they used to.
11. Starts working late and on holidays and weekends.
12. Express opinions on subjects that they never had an interest in.
13. Takes a new interest in anticipated schedule.
14. Encourages you to visit parents or friends alone.
15. They give you gifts that show a new level of taste or insight about the opposite sex.
16. Car is kept free of paraphernalia belonging to you or the kids.
17. Starts attending extended seminars or conventions.
18. Start using new words and phrases.
19. At odd hours they start remembering things they forgot to do at the office.
20. They suggest that you open up separate checking accounts.
21. Often forget to wear wedding ring.
22. Takes the dog for much longer walks.
23. Makes more phone calls late at night.
24. A marked change of attitude towards secretary, colleagues or friends.
25. Suddenly takes up new hobbies or friends that take them out of the house in the evenings and weekends.
26. They talk about a movie they've seen but you have not.
27. They insist on answering the phone.
28. They call out a different name in sleep.
29. Smell of a different soap from the brand at home and/or you smell freshly showered at 1.00am.
30. They care about how breath smells. New mints, gum, etc. found around house.
31. Uses pre-paid calling card/pager/cell phone for the first time ever.
32. Loses a lot of weight and seems proud of new body.
33. Saddest list item is: change in die-hard pro-life feelings on abortion.
34. Gut feeling. The biggest indicator of an affair is just feeling that it is so.
35. Juvenile behavior and music interests!!!
36. Uses more kid slang than the kids!!!!!
37. Knows all the new pop singers and has CD's.
38. When they lose stuff they accuses you of gettting into their "stuff"....
39. Uses the ATM way too much!
40. All of a sudden, their attitude about people who cheat changes, e.g., "we shouldn't judge because we don't know their whole story."
41."It wasn't a dinner date - it was just a way of saying thank you for carpooling"
42."I never lied about being married - she never asked me, so I just didn't bring it up"
43. Grocery shopping and other excuses to get out "alone."
44.The one difference is that my Wife wants our kids to like the other person because in the back of her head she thinks she will be with him. Very sickening. !!!!!!!!!!!
45. Carries toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash at all times.
46. When other person is co-worker, can't wait to get to work each day .
47. Becomes great friends with people going through divorce.
48. Defends other who are/have/will cheat(ed/ing).
49. Distances themselves from those with strong (any) moral values.
50. Gets "coded" pager messages at all times of the day and night


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: lildoggie] #2340110
03/20/10 07:38 AM
03/20/10 07:38 AM
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Pariah Offline
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51. Tries to have someone kill you


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Pariah] #2340117
03/20/10 09:19 AM
03/20/10 09:19 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
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Justlooking24 Offline
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#33 is so sad and also true.

Some of the intercepted emails between my wife and her "friends" said that if my wife got pregnant she would just get an abortion.

This from a lifelong pro-life very religious person.


BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Justlooking24] #2340120
03/20/10 09:37 AM
03/20/10 09:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
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MicheleG Offline
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#52 Starts to spend a great deal of time on the computer in a separate room.

#53 Phone bill goes up.

I don't think either of these are on there.


BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: MicheleG] #2340121
03/20/10 09:44 AM
03/20/10 09:44 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 158
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Carka Offline
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#54 Loses patience with spouse easily.
My husband did this with me.

#55 Becomes very defensive.


Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Carka] #2340125
03/20/10 10:15 AM
03/20/10 10:15 AM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 480
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Going_Forward Offline
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#5 CONSTANTLY criticizes his or her BS.

#57 Confuses the term "happy" with the term "self gratfication"


Marriages don't fail, people do. (And I don't recall who said it)
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Going_Forward] #2340126
03/20/10 10:23 AM
03/20/10 10:23 AM
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Pariah Offline
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#56 Becomes extremely religious (remember "god" wants them to be "happy")


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: lildoggie] #2340128
03/20/10 10:35 AM
03/20/10 10:35 AM
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Tom2010 Offline
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No. 26. That has not happened to me, but Ow!

No. 58. Does not remind you of your drs. sppt. coming up; Forgets you even have a drs. appt.

No. 59. Asks passively how your day was, then quickly changes the subject.

Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Tom2010] #2340139
03/20/10 11:34 AM
03/20/10 11:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
England,United Kingdom
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Bob_Pure Offline
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60. Encourages spouse to "get out more" and to " get a life".


MB Alumni
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Tom2010] #2340141
03/20/10 11:35 AM
03/20/10 11:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 383
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SidneyT Offline
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#61. Changes ring tone on phone to silent (to silence the MANY texts and calls coming in daily) and never puts their phone down...even when going to the bathroom or sleeping.

Last edited by SidneyT; 03/20/10 11:36 AM.
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Bob_Pure] #2340157
03/20/10 01:03 PM
03/20/10 01:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Island of Misfit Toys, AZ, USA
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Mulan Offline
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Originally Posted By: Bob_Pure
60. Encourages spouse to "get out more" and to " get a life".


Exactly. "I wouldn't mind if YOU went out with a male friend . . . why should you mind if I go out with a female friend?"


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: SidneyT] #2340164
03/20/10 01:35 PM
03/20/10 01:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Massachusetts
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optimism Offline
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Originally Posted By: SidneyT
#61. Changes ring tone on phone to silent (to silence the MANY texts and calls coming in daily) and never puts their phone down...even when going to the bathroom or sleeping.


Uh, ya.
Clears texts daily on a regular basis.
Changes passwords on device and on-line accounts.


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: optimism] #2340165
03/20/10 01:39 PM
03/20/10 01:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Massachusetts
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optimism Offline
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#62. Accuses you of "spying/checking up/following me around" just for showing up unexpected. Even to your own house.


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: Mulan] #2340166
03/20/10 01:41 PM
03/20/10 01:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,769
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atena Offline
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Yep, mine said...you will find another man that will make you very happy as I was unable to.
Yep, changed password on cell phone and kept cell phone always with him.

another one my WH did: cuts all ties with old friends and starts not making plans for the future with me.


atena
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: optimism] #2340167
03/20/10 01:44 PM
03/20/10 01:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,769
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atena Offline
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Yep, that's a good one...the line he always pulled was: you never trusted me!
One of the messages OW sent him (I red did when I was snooping and finally found out who she was) was: I trust you.
So he must have confided in her that the big problem I had is that i did not trust him.
Isn't this crazy..? I mean he was telling her I did not trust him while he was boiking her! Wow, and she must have said: how can your wife not trust you...you are such a nice guy!
Yuk
blessing


atena
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: atena] #2340179
03/20/10 02:23 PM
03/20/10 02:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 383
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SidneyT Offline
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SidneyT  Offline
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Originally Posted By: atena

starts not making plans for the future with me.


Yep. We had planned for months and months on taking a family vacation to a resort down south, except WH never wanted to get the reservations or commit to it (always had an excuse). Now I know it was because he never planned on taking that trip with me. He and DD now have the reservations and plan on going without me.

Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: SidneyT] #2340211
03/20/10 05:36 PM
03/20/10 05:36 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Ontario, Canada
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Scotland Offline
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#63 Starts getting short with the kids.

#64 Starts accusing BS of cheating.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: SidneyT] #2340214
03/20/10 05:56 PM
03/20/10 05:56 PM
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Posts: 1,076
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Tom2010 Offline
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Well #62 could be...Encourages you to feel free watch more sports on tv

But on other hand, what would be the counteractive measures:

1. Tentavely ask her for a date.
2. Tell her that she didn't remind you of your drs. appt.
3. Prepare her/your favorite dish
4. Get some candles, put in bath and bedroom and let her set them up and light them
5. Tell her yea she has a sexy butt, but her panty line shows
6. Just simply say you have that headach still..
or
7. Bend her over that table and tell her 'he will not do this to you'..


Oh just some thoughts....
5.

Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: lildoggie] #2340250
03/20/10 09:37 PM
03/20/10 09:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Massachusetts
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optimism Offline
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I doubt if this goes on the list, but....

"We're growing apart" (often followed by):
"You've become more conservative, and I've become more liberal"
I've been getting that around here since this whole thing started.

...Really? ...Liberal? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
hmmm think

opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
Re: 50 signs your spouse is having an Affair [Re: SidneyT] #2340280
03/20/10 11:11 PM
03/20/10 11:11 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Our Planet Earth (small world!...
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reading Offline
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Our Planet Earth (small world!...
Yup to a few of those and one more

they stop having sex with you.

I thought it was impotence caused by middle age or some health issue and just never ever ever thought it was due to him doing it with someone else. Silly me. smile or is it frown

smile







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