At the suggestion of Dr. Bill Harley on his radio show, I exposed a third time last week. The response from my WW was severe. Now I wonder whether I did the right thing.

I exposed to seven more people -- the OM's mother, brother, sister in law, and close friend as well as two of my WW's siblings, and a mutual friend. My WW was furious. First, she cursed me out, called me "controlling," said I made her look like a whore, and said we would be divorced by October (a year after she moved out). Second, she said I was no longer welcome in her home; that we would meet at a restaurant to exhange our kids on one day of the week (she didn't say about the other day of the week); that I would hear from her lawyer with a few weeks; and that if I exposed again, she will file a restraining order against me.

I heard from my sister in law. She said two things: I am to blame for my WW moving out and my WW and I should repair our relationship without the help of others.

I also heard from the OM. He said I am obsessed, privileged, and an emotional reck. (He should talk!)

I am shook up. I wonder whether I helped torpedo my marriage. As late as last weekend, she wanted to go with me to our oldest DD's sports practice. Yet I know my WW spends two nights a week at the OM's house and that our feelings are poor guides to breaking up an A.

Did the rock affair boat hard but not smart?


------------------

Me: BH, 39 and jobless
Her: WW, 33
2 young DD's
EA exposed: Fall '08
WW moved out: Fall '09
D-day 01/22/10
Exposed to WW's and OM's boss; OM' soon to be ex wife; WW's parents, 3 of WW's close friends, 2 of OM's friend; and OM's mother, brother, and sister in law
In Plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's recommendation since 05/10

The bigger her reaction, the more damage you caused to the affair. Though it's hard to take, the venom she's spewing right now is the blood draining out of the affair. Good job!!

You need to expose to EVERYBODY simultaneously, not trickle it out!!!!

Your side of the family, her side of the family, ALL your friends, hers and yours, her employer and fellow employees........my God man.........everyone

You did a GREAT thing, MJ!!! The stronger the angry reaction of the wayward the more you know that your actions were dead on right!!! That tells you that exposure is working it's magic - Surely you weren't expecting an addict to thank you for taking away their crack at first, right? The point of exposure is to shake the affair and kill it - OF COURSE the addict is gonna scream bloody murder when their addiction is threatened - that is just simple logic...If the wayward didn't scream, make threats and get angry then you'd know that your actions didn't hit their mark...

Rest easy MJ, you did the right thing! That is not to say that exposure is guaranteed to end the affair, but it IS the best shot you've got...Her anger will blow over and you have done irreparable damage to the affair - GOOD JOB!!! Affairs thrive on secrecy and you have removed that - STAND STRONG AND PROUD!!! Without killing the affair your marriage had NO CHANCE - there is no marriage to save as long as the affair continues - NOW there is a chance...

Just batten down the hatches and stay the course...

Mrs. W

And MJ, keep in mind that it is NOT wrong to EXPOSE adultery, it is wrong to COMMIT adultery - You, good sir, have done NOTHING wrong!!!

Mrs. W

You should have looked at her innocently and said "Why, honey, if you think your A is so great, I thought you would want everyone to know your good news!"

Just ride it out, MJ. I also agree that you should expose to everyone instead of trickling out exposure.

She'll get over her anger in time.

Now start exposing to the OM family and friends!!!

MWHAHAHAHAHA....(evil laugh)

Your doing great...keep it going, don't stop, keep exposing!

Been a long time since I've been there, but I found that anger is the only defense a guilty conscience can muster. I agree with full exposure as opposed to trickling. Get it done, like pulling tape of your skin.

Stay Strong

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your advice and encouragement.

I'm done with exposure. I've exposed to 12 people over the last six months, including all the people who could save my marriage and family. Trickling the exposure out will only be counter productive, as many of you say. Also, Dr. Bill Harley endorsed my third exposure only after learning that I had not told the OM's family members.

Any idea when my WW's anger blows off and she starts reconciling? Forcing me to meet at a local restaurant to pick up our kids underlines her fury.

A couple things I wanted to point out to you, MJ...

1. Don't you find it funny that she calls YOU "controlling" - Yet she is the one that is having the affair which equals~~~> making decisions about your life without your input? Now WHO is the controlling one again?

2. It's your actions that are making her look like a whore? REALLY? Has nothing to do with her being married and sleeping with someone else?

It they weren't destroying so many lives, the rants of waywards would really be hilarious - logic and waywards are clearly not pals...

Mrs. W

MJ, don't sweat her anger, REALLY...I know it's hard to believe, but if she becomes a real FWW she will one day THANK YOU for exposing and helping her kick her addiction - I speak from experience, I am a FWW - We are 5 years from dday and fully recovered - I STILL thank Mr. W and my mom for their efforts in ending my affair - They are HEROES that loved me enough to take a stand against the evil I brought to our family...

Also, I presume her house is an "affair lair" right now - Be THANKFUL that you don't have to go there!

Mrs. W

<--FWW

I constantly tell my husband thank you for exposing my A, if he didn't we would be in the same mess we were in 9 months ago. Me chatting with guys online, texting, sending them dirty pix, and me very unhappy.

Trust me

Thank you, Mrs. Wondering and Sapphire Returns. Your messages give me hope for the reconciliation of my marriage and reunification of my family, two things that I see now matter more to me than anything else.

I still think I did the right thing exposing, even if it was a third time. Confirming that she sleeps at his place two nights a week while I take care of our kids was the last straw. I couldn't enable her anymore. However, I wonder about my WW's statement before the exposure that she would like to attend our young daughter's sports practice. Was this just a crumb she was throwing me?

----

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day 2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice

Yes, MJ, a crumb...Ideally the addicted wayward would like to have BOTH the OP and their spouse - totally sick, twisted and wrong...

You've done the BEST thing you could do for your family! You were right that enabling her was NOT good...Rest assured, MJ, you are a good man, fighting the good fight!

Mrs. W

Well, yeah, it was a crumb from the cake she's eating. Sorry. But! I think a little bit of hope comes with that crumb. Somewhere in that addled mess of a WW is your wife and the mother of your children. Do this right and you'll hopefully get her back.

That sounds great!! Good job! The madder the infidels, the greater the damage to the affair.

The biggest concern I have is that you don't LAUGH when she spits and sputters at you for exposing her affair. It is hard not to laugh when they start spouting the insane fogbabbles. If you feel a laugh coming on, just leave the room.

Thank you again Mrs Wondering, marital bliss, and Melody Lane. Your support means a lot to me.

And I need all I can get. I live alone in a new apartment and wished I had cherished my wife and daughters like they deserve. I recognize that my WW made her own choice and that I am doing everything within reason to save my family. But I still feel guilty for putting my career ahead of them and masturbating once a month to porn. Your support offers me a bit of absolution and a fair amount of hope.

One other thing: my sister IL responded to my email message. She blamed me for my WW's move out. She also said nothing about my WW's A. Her main response was that I need to respect my wife. She is close to my WW. Would replying to my sister IL be counter productive?

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Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day 2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice