meantobe, I am confused by what you mean about "reconciliation" since you have never separated. Am I understanding this correctly that your H has been allowed to carry on his affair in your home all this time?
What was the point of getting the divorce if he had no intention of breaking up? Was it so he would be allowed to carry on his affair in your home?
I didn't know he had an EA until shortly before the divorce. I don't even now how long it went on. It could've been a month, could've been 2. Could've been a couple of weeks. But looking back at his behavior, not leaving his phone out of sight, changing passwords etc. I timed the EA from August to December. I found out about it in December, exposed it and signed the damn papers out of anger. I know I shouldn't have done it but I am very temperamental (Italian blood) and purely acted out of anger.
I don't understand this last part of your post. He promised me in the beginning of our marriage that he would end us first before he started with someone else. And I guess in his mind he did so by telling me he wants a divorce and then engaging in his EA.
I am not sure if he'd want to reconcile. I think I see signs of love that he has left for me, but I'm not him, so I don't know for sure, it's just my interpretation.
I want to be sure I tried everything before having to move on, because I know he's a very emotional person too and making decisions out of emotions, not a good trait I know.
If there is a chance for us to reconcile I want to try. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do to have a shot at it.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.