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#2459112 - 01/02/11 06:39 PM Reconciliation after divorce
meanttobe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 11
I was referred to this forum because I'm looking for people who reconciled after the divorce. My exhusband and I are newly divorced due to several issues from depression to an EA (him). I do still love him with all my heart and I know he still has some feelings for me.

Do you know, or do you think it is possible to get your exhusband back with plan A, plan B or 180?
Do you know anyone who has reconciled (successfully) after divorce? How did you do it?
I see a lot of posts about how to date after divorce but can't find much about reconciliation after divorce.
_________________________
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons

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#2459115 - 01/02/11 06:48 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: meanttobe]
Scotland Offline
Member

Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 8240
Loc: Ontario, Canada
MTB, I only know of one MB poster who has reconciled after a D and that was Johnstwin.

Does your XWH want to reconcile?

You still live together for financial reasons? If you entered into a Plan B, you understand that would need to change right?

Is your XWH still in an A?
_________________________
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU

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#2459116 - 01/02/11 06:50 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: meanttobe]
MelodyLane Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/01
Posts: 79459
Loc: Texas
meantobe, I am confused by what you mean about "reconciliation" since you have never separated. Am I understanding this correctly that your H has been allowed to carry on his affair in your home all this time?

What was the point of getting the divorce if he had no intention of breaking up? Was it so he would be allowed to carry on his affair in your home?
_________________________
Happily married to my cute husband!

Exposure 101 <--READ THIS IF YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR!

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Winston Churchill

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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#2459126 - 01/02/11 07:14 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: Scotland]
meanttobe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 11
Originally Posted By: Scotland
MTB, I only know of one MB poster who has reconciled after a D and that was Johnstwin.

Does your XWH want to reconcile?

You still live together for financial reasons? If you entered into a Plan B, you understand that would need to change right?

Is your XWH still in an A?


I'm not sure if he does. He seems sad ever since the divorce is final. He seeks closeness. Not during the day but at night. He kisses me. Holds me. We do have sex once in a while. I can't help it since he's great in bed and I need it too.

I am not sure if he's still in the EA. His behaviors in that regard have changed ever since I exposed it. His phone now is not glued to him anymore. He actually tells me where it is so I could check it if I wanted to. There's no more hiding phones or clicking away websites when I just walk in. But no. I'm not sure.

Yes. I understand that. I will move into my own apartment by March.
_________________________
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons

Top
#2459136 - 01/02/11 07:34 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: MelodyLane]
meanttobe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 11
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
meantobe, I am confused by what you mean about "reconciliation" since you have never separated. Am I understanding this correctly that your H has been allowed to carry on his affair in your home all this time?

What was the point of getting the divorce if he had no intention of breaking up? Was it so he would be allowed to carry on his affair in your home?



I didn't know he had an EA until shortly before the divorce. I don't even now how long it went on. It could've been a month, could've been 2. Could've been a couple of weeks. But looking back at his behavior, not leaving his phone out of sight, changing passwords etc. I timed the EA from August to December. I found out about it in December, exposed it and signed the damn papers out of anger. I know I shouldn't have done it but I am very temperamental (Italian blood) and purely acted out of anger.

I don't understand this last part of your post. He promised me in the beginning of our marriage that he would end us first before he started with someone else. And I guess in his mind he did so by telling me he wants a divorce and then engaging in his EA.
I am not sure if he'd want to reconcile. I think I see signs of love that he has left for me, but I'm not him, so I don't know for sure, it's just my interpretation.
I want to be sure I tried everything before having to move on, because I know he's a very emotional person too and making decisions out of emotions, not a good trait I know.

If there is a chance for us to reconcile I want to try. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do to have a shot at it.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
_________________________
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons

Top
#2459147 - 01/02/11 07:50 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: meanttobe]
MelodyLane Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/01
Posts: 79459
Loc: Texas
Originally Posted By: meanttobe
[ He promised me in the beginning of our marriage that he would end us first before he started with someone else.


But he didn't end your marriage, he is still right there. He has been right there in your home carrying on his affair all this time. All that has happened is that he has been allowed to carry on his affair right from your home.

Quote:
I am not sure if he'd want to reconcile.


But he has never separated. How can you reconcile something that has never been broken, except on paper?
_________________________
Happily married to my cute husband!

Exposure 101 <--READ THIS IF YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR!

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Winston Churchill

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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#2459160 - 01/02/11 08:10 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: MelodyLane]
meanttobe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 11
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: meanttobe
[ He promised me in the beginning of our marriage that he would end us first before he started with someone else.


But he didn't end your marriage, he is still right there. He has been right there in your home carrying on his affair all this time. All that has happened is that he has been allowed to carry on his affair right from your home.

Quote:
I am not sure if he'd want to reconcile.


But he has never separated. How can you reconcile something that has never been broken, except on paper?


Ok.I understand now. I can't change the situation right now. I will be in my own apartment by March 1. Then we will be separated for sure.

What would your advice be then?
_________________________
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons

Top
#2459177 - 01/02/11 08:57 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: meanttobe]
EverAfter2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1254
I have a good friend, hopeandpray, who is remarried to his W, but he worked the MB plan to a T.

I think that 1)you have to expose the ema and 2)you must apply the carrot and STICK (esp the stick part) and 3) he has to be joyfully on board to do WHATEVER and anything it takes to want to win you back, which would mean MB counseling and maybe even coming here (after he ends the ema).

I'm w/Mel. He hasn't ended his affair, all he did was EAT MORE CAKE. And you're servin' up some yummy post divorce devils' food chocolate cake girl.

Time to close the damn bakery and find out of the ema is over.
_________________________
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall

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#2459178 - 01/02/11 09:00 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: EverAfter2010]
EverAfter2010 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1254
What is his motivation to end the ema now? Seriously. I mean, he has SF with you now, and possibly the ow too.

If a man has all his EN's met and gets the good life w/two women, what is to make him want to change?

If he doesn't have motivation to change, then he won't and this pathetic little man-ho will keep on doing this until judgement day.

So you have a choice. Do you want to really save the former marriage? Or do you want to cut bait and move on?

If you want to reconcile, I suggest following plan A and B to a T and that means exposure. Nuclear exposure. I'm sure the ow would love to know how you and xhubby are cozy all the time huh?
_________________________
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall

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#2459190 - 01/02/11 09:27 PM Re: Reconciliation after divorce [Re: EverAfter2010]
meanttobe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 11
Originally Posted By: peachyisback
What is his motivation to end the ema now? Seriously. I mean, he has SF with you now, and possibly the ow too.

If a man has all his EN's met and gets the good life w/two women, what is to make him want to change?

If he doesn't have motivation to change, then he won't and this pathetic little man-ho will keep on doing this until judgement day.

So you have a choice. Do you want to really save the former marriage? Or do you want to cut bait and move on?

If you want to reconcile, I suggest following plan A and B to a T and that means exposure. Nuclear exposure. I'm sure the ow would love to know how you and xhubby are cozy all the time huh?


You are right. I'm not helping the situation. for him to miss me.
I'm not sure the EA is over, but I know it's just an online EA.
I do want to rebuild our relationship more than anything. And the plan A and B sounds good. The only question I have is how do I get him to end the EA if it's not over yet. Because technically he can do whatever he wants now that we're divorced. If the wish for reconciliation came from him it would be easier, but it's all me right now.
I want him to realize that he does still have feelings for me and I want him to get to the point where he misses me and falls in love with me again.
It would all be easier if I was in my own apartment already.
_________________________
Married for 12 years
BW: 36
DH: 45 (EA 08/10-12/10)
2 kids
D: since 12/20/10
Still living together for financial reasons

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