boy, I'm not sure I'm ever going to see the end of this anger! I think tomorrow i will have a lawyer on my doorstep!

The angrier he is, the more damage you caused to the affair!

Unfortunately, I don't have six months. My WS will be angry, but I have been working for months to try to get her to cut the ties, so it will not totally be a surprise to her when I make confrontation with the OM.....it will probably only surprise her that I actually did it and then she will be angry that "I" ruined one of her "friendships", (not a very good friend if you ask me). It is bad when his best friend is telling him he is wrong and should be cutting ties with her!

The OWs are all threatening to sue me over exposure.

BB, can you explain what you mean when you say you don't have "six months?"

And if you plan to confront the OM, you do understand this will cause more harm than good if that is ALL you do? Confrontation of an OP should be done AFTER a very nuclear exposure. That is not enough to kill an affair but is just barely enough to tick off the wayward enough to come after you with more punishment. I haven't read your thread, but if you are planning to do this, please expose in a comprehensive and effective way.

Hopefully you are doing a comprehensive, nuclear, effective exposure.

PLEASE invite them to do this!!

I,m fairly sure they are not cosy zipping some wine at the moment. Me thinks the love is pretty much done.

How sad so it wasn't true love after all.

I'm sorry, I don't feel I can explain in an open forum. I know it makes it hard to understand.

Bugs,

????? I have followed your thread, and I am confused. What's going on here and why are you fearful of posting the truth?

Are you going the "my situation is unique" route?

LOL....there is a uniqueness to every situation! In order to remain anonymous I don't feel I can share certain aspects of what I'm dealing with. It is not that I'm afraid of the truth, but need to protect myself and my children. Maybe the problem is me not being able to express myself in a way that would share the pertinent info. in an anonymous manner - I don't know.

So your real name is Bugs Bunny?

Well, now that you let the "rabbit" out of the "hat" I guess I'm no longer anonymous?!!! LOL

Yes, I'm Bugs Bunny, and I'm hiding in my hole eating carrots!

Ok....so you were right, I didn't get a medal for exposing my WW in her A to our families....but this thread really helped me be ready for what was to come. I was pretty scared about the whole thing, and I'm not sure where we are going to end up....but during our whole conversation it was as if when she said stuff my thought was, (ok....I expected that - just waiting for my medal now!)!!! I rabbit really is out of the hole. My MIL was not sure she was ready for me to confront WS because of circumstances, but she told me today she is even relieved that WS knows that they are in the loop about the A.

BB, hopefully all the family members are talking to her about their disappointment and disgust over her affair. You really need them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Same with kids. The children should be told all about her affair, too. She needs to hear from them since this affects their lives.

What about exposure to the OM's family and friends? Do you know how to reach his parents?

I think it would destroy her if she heard that they were disgusted with her. Disappointed yes, but she needs to feel loved right now. I think after I told her of being exposed it really broke her, and she is most likely going through some level of depression.

Right now, I really do need to start building up her love bank. Just hard to do when so far apart.

No, she needs to hear their disgust; their true reactions to her adultery. IT is her adultery that is destroying her. This is real important for her to see herself through the eyes of non-fogged out people. Adultery is disgusting and she should not feel "loved" for being bad. That is not love. That is enabling. Folks show her love by telling her how disgusting and disappointing her adultery is. She needs to hear this. Don't whitewash her crimes, BB. That helps no one.

Are you asking exposure targets to whitewash this? Or are you encouraging them to be open and honest about how sickening her behavior is?

Hearing how disgusting she looks to others helps her see herself through the eyes of others. That is what she needs right now. You love her for being GOOD, not bad.


In order to fill her love bank, you need to kill her affair. And how do you kill her affair? You expose it and create as much conflict as possible. Once it is killed, you will be able to fill her lovebank. But as long as she is having an affair, her lovebank is closed to you. Do you see that?

With my WS, her ideas of what people think/say about her are often much worse than they are. Due to some other circumstances I believe that the exposure itself was something that either will be enough to squash the A, or it won't matter anyway. If I don't take the opportunity to now start making aggressive deposits in her account, then I will have missed an opportunity that may not present itself to me again!

hoping to get the medal Melody giving reality check about what will really happen. Me ranting cuz I really don't want to believe it. Me coming to realization that Melody is right. WS giving me "award" saved up for me. reaction to receiving award!!! Possible outcome if I would just have listened and learned from Melody to begin with! What I really want to avoid but know I can't

Here is my thread which I linked to the page where I first started talking about exposing:
DMH's Thread

I didn't find MB until my WH had already been living with his OW for 5 months and they had already broken up and she had moved out (although he's still pursuing her and I believe she enjoys it). I really thought there was nothing to expose. Everyone knew that he left me for her. He lost his job because of fraternization.

After reading about it in SAA, I sent the OW my plan B letter yesterday and told her I wanted to fight for my marriage. This has made my WH furious, which I was quite pleased with. I feel the need to at least "expose" to the OW's sister that I want to fight for my marriage (she seems to be someone he confides in and her husband seems to have left her for another woman recently so she might be sympathetic). I need help with how to write the letter to send her and whoever else I can think of to tell (there really isn't very many people, sadly). Scotland has helped me a great deal, but would like others to add input. I am very appreciative of any help I could receive. I know it might not do much compared to normal exposure, but it's at least something. Thank you.

Since you sent the letter, tell WH you understand how he feels that way, you needed to do it and are sorry he is so upset. Period (don't say period but no additional hoo hah).

Good for you sending it to her since WH is still trying to keep the affair going.

Definitely tell OW's sister about the affair. Call her if you can or put your phone number in the letter should she want to talk to you. She might be pro-sis's affair though. Be prepared for that.

Let others give input on the exposure to the sister.