Gunny, this is indeed encouraging. I will be back on later to go more in depth.

But...a quick warning...do NOT get on her rollercoaster. Refuse to ride it! While she may feel this way today and tomorrow change back. Rollercoaster!

The good news is she made this gesture. Which means she MAY return!

But...aside from encouraging her to IMMEDIATELY talk to the Harley's....your mission has not changed!!

Stay on point!

Got it! I will admit I wasn't prepared for her to say those words. I will stay on mission, but my mind is wondering if there is a motive behind it.

There could be. But not your concern. No matter if she is sincere, has a motive or falls back into the fog...your mission is the SAME!

GJM, did you ever spend any time fishing? WW seems like she has.

Explain....

Let out some line, slowly reel them back in, let out some more line, reel in, repeat, repeat, until BANG, you seal their fate!

Is that good or bad?

Depends on who is the fish.

EDIT: And I think NG is saying don't be the fish.

Right, I guess the analogy confuses me. I'm not sure what she could be trying to gain, but I'll be on my toes. The only way she will get anything more than what she has is by showing a genuine desire to recover the marriage.

Your Stellar plan A can be your line. Keep yourself healthy because Plan A needs as much strength as you have at the moment.

MM,

Great to see you back. You here to stay or to just help GJM? It would be great to have you stay!

GJM, hold the line. Keep fighting.

Not only should GJM not be the "fish", but the "minnows" should not be left at risk, either.

The only way she will get anything more than what she has is by showing a genuine desire to recover the marriage.

G, YOU know that, and we certainly believe your commitment. We also know the clock is ticking toward a final resolution, regardless of her fantasies, but...

The thing is, I get the second-hand impression that WW does not believe it is so....absolute. Therefore, she'll continue to do her "dance closer, waltz away" act ( &%?<> sleepovers? ) hoping you'l bend, if not actually break. Meanwhile, she's setting your children up for her plea of "I was willing to compromise (Oh, that word!), but YOUR FATHER was rigid and inflexible!"

It's the stuff that modern girls learn from birth, practice as teens, and perfect as women!!

That makes sense. That's when I'll need the help of the great people that are here. I don't want to use MY own judgement because I know that I get caught up in my desires to reconcile. I will be asking for guidance whenever I have doubts.

Just stay in plan A.

She is waffling back and forth, moment to moment right now.

She is no where near ready to rebuild the marriage so you must stay in Plan A with no expectations though she said words you
l o n g
to hear.

Be on guard though. Don't let her know you are on guard.....just be.

We are all hopeful here with you but we are not suckers and you can not be either.

I'd also add... never understimate the deviousness of a WW. In suggesting "recovery", she may be in fact pursuing that for ulterior motives. Ignore the words - look at her actions.

Thanks. I certainly don't want to be a sucker. She has an appointment to see a psychiatrist next Thursday. As far as marriage counseling goes, the Harleys are the only ones who can help us. I am going to ask her to do set up a phone conference with me when we have coffee today. I am very scared right now.

I recrafted my thoughts on aiming her at the coaching center for now. Hold off on that. Just have coffee for now. Just hold the line of saying you are willing to rebuild a passionate marriage if she gets to that point.

If she gets serious about rebuilding, you will have a clearer view of that later and can aim her to the coaches then.

Psychiatrists.....well....again don't get your hopes up. It isn't magic and may not help her out of her fog. Hope it does help her though. I do.

BTW, do not be scared. She should be scared. You might not be a sucker any more. You adore her. You are her kids Dad. You are her partner in finances, parenting, life. You have started to figure out you can not control others, only yourself and are taking personal responsibility and showing strength.
You are a keeper......you have the upper hand.

Don't fear - just be prepared your divorce may still happen. This is the part of plan A that is tough. There are no expectations. This is why Plan B is usually recommended because the rejection is tough on a person emotionally.

You are not alone on this. We are here with you and can be here to catch you when your emotions skyrocket. Having no expectations with an active wayward is one of the toughest things to implement. It goes to the very core of your love, devotion, and soul. We know it is painful to do everything right, be the perfect spouse, and your spouse still divorces you and chases OM who are not even close to being as good as you.

Put on your armour of Christ. Keep the Fruit of the spirit as your weapon.

ALWAYS ALWAYS know you are a great person, who has fought the good fight, and will come out on top in your life. You are a man of character, integrity, and God's child.

Hang Tough GJM. Many prayers for you and your precious babies.

Tough~

Thanks reading and PI...

I'll be leaving shortly to spend some time with my W. I'll let you know how it goes. Fingers crossed, staying focused and not having any expectations.

Trying to stay! Life is slowing down, which is good!