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#2639110 - 06/23/12 07:53 PM Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man.
Empire1979 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/23/12
Posts: 23
Im hurting so bad and I have no one to talk to about this . I dont know what to do. Please help me. My wigfe and I have been married for 3 years and dated 2 years prior we have no chldren together but I have 2 from a prior marriage and she has 1 from her prior marriage . Wehavent always had the best marriage . We fought about our exes and the kids ..A blended family is always hard on a marriage . So i began to have small white lies to stop arguments and then I got caught in them and they grew out of control . The lying the exes the kids put a real stress on our relationship . But I never had a ned or want for another woman . So we decided that things were getting bad so I moved out and had been in my new place about 6 months ..Butmind you I still seen my wife about 5 days a week and we still had a very happy sex life . about 3 to 5 times a week we also talked daily on the phone and went to dinner even simple task as walmart . Well she was over my house about two weeks ago and I was helping her with some computer stuff and was on her phone . well I seen a picture of her with hjer head on the bare chest of another man . I freaked out I asked her what was going on ..I seen this guy before and she said that they were just friends but not that long . Finally she admitted to sending him sext messages , and some breast pics and that they have had sex twice. but this all happened with in a 4 week period and she cut if off. She has no contact with this guy no longer and has even stopped the thing she was doing that had them two meet . Now I know I have lied and done some stupid things in the past but I never would of thought about being with another woman . I would be shaking in my pants if I was even in the room alone with a woman in a situation like that . That said I love my wife to no end and I want us to work out , she is having a hard time forgiving herself and I dont make it any better because my mind will not stop thinking about them together . And I keep bringing it up and asking how could she and asking for details when I know I shouldnt . but i feel i need to know but she wont tell me.... All i know is that they touched each other and made out the first time , second time they ending up having protected sex in the missionary postion and the second ime they gave each other oral and had protected sex missionary again... then the guilt of her lying to me and the secret got two her and she ended it and then three weeks after her last sexual time with him she told me. My question is how do I get those images and thought out of my head and move past this , or is that possiable can things be the way they were before or will this always be on my mind or should i just deal with the hurt and move on and get divorced? I pray daily for help ...but I still feel so hurt Please help

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#2639115 - 06/23/12 08:13 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
lightsout Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/09
Posts: 200
Empire1979 hopefully some of the vets will come along and give you advise. I can tell you from experience you can get over the images in your head.

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#2639117 - 06/23/12 08:23 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
MelodyLane Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/01
Posts: 81525
Loc: Texas
Originally Posted By: Empire1979
My question is how do I get those images and thought out of my head and move past this , or is that possiable can things be the way they were before or will this always be on my mind or should i just deal with the hurt and move on and get divorced? I pray daily for help ...but I still feel so hurt Please help


Yes, you can get over it in time *IF* you change your marriage. If you go back to what you had before, you will GET what you had before: a separation and an affair. I don't think you want that.

Are you still separated? That is a huge part of the problem. WHY did you move out?
_________________________
Happily married to my cute husband!

Exposure 101 <--READ THIS IF YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR!

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Winston Churchill

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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#2639118 - 06/23/12 08:23 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
MelodyLane Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/01
Posts: 81525
Loc: Texas
Is the guy married? If so, his wife should be told by you. And you should also confront this man and run him off.
_________________________
Happily married to my cute husband!

Exposure 101 <--READ THIS IF YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR!

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Winston Churchill

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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#2639120 - 06/23/12 08:26 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: MelodyLane]
lightsout Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/09
Posts: 200
Empire this is the one that I was hoping would post. IF you follow her advise you can have a happy marriage. Mel was able to help me tremendously.

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#2639121 - 06/23/12 08:27 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
maritalbliss Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 12356
Originally Posted By: Empire1979
Im hurting so bad and I have no one to talk to about this . I dont know what to do. Please help me. My wigfe and I have been married for 3 years and dated 2 years prior we have no chldren together but I have 2 from a prior marriage and she has 1 from her prior marriage .

Wehavent always had the best marriage . We fought about our exes and the kids ..A blended family is always hard on a marriage . So i began to have small white lies to stop arguments and then I got caught in them and they grew out of control . The lying the exes the kids put a real stress on our relationship . But I never had a ned or want for another woman . So we decided that things were getting bad so I moved out and had been in my new place about 6 months ..Butmind you I still seen my wife about 5 days a week and we still had a very happy sex life .

about 3 to 5 times a week we also talked daily on the phone and went to dinner even simple task as walmart . Well she was over my house about two weeks ago and I was helping her with some computer stuff and was on her phone . well I seen a picture of her with hjer head on the bare chest of another man . I freaked out I asked her what was going on ..I seen this guy before and she said that they were just friends but not that long .

Finally she admitted to sending him sext messages , and some breast pics and that they have had sex twice. but this all happened with in a 4 week period and she cut if off. She has no contact with this guy no longer and has even stopped the thing she was doing that had them two meet .

Now I know I have lied and done some stupid things in the past but I never would of thought about being with another woman . I would be shaking in my pants if I was even in the room alone with a woman in a situation like that . That said I love my wife to no end and I want us to work out , she is having a hard time forgiving herself and I dont make it any better because my mind will not stop thinking about them together . And I keep bringing it up and asking how could she and asking for details when I know I shouldnt . but i feel i need to know but she wont tell me.... All i know is that they touched each other and made out the first time , second time they ending up having protected sex in the missionary postion and the second ime they gave each other oral and had protected sex missionary again... then the guilt of her lying to me and the secret got two her and she ended it and then three weeks after her last sexual time with him she told me. My question is how do I get those images and thought out of my head and move past this , or is that possiable can things be the way they were before or will this always be on my mind or should i just deal with the hurt and move on and get divorced? I pray daily for help ...but I still feel so hurt Please help


Welcome, Empire. Understand: you have every right to know about every detail of you WW's affair.

Who is the OM? Does she work with him?
_________________________
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!


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#2639123 - 06/23/12 08:33 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: MelodyLane]
Empire1979 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/23/12
Posts: 23
We are in the reconsile stage . I am still living in a seperate house but we stay together a lot since all this came out . The guy is not married and I cannot let my wrath get the best of me . He is no longer a issue she has cut all contact . I moved out cause we were at each other daily . Over nothing really . It was like a safty area we would spend time with each other and when things started getting bad we had nuetral corners to go to. We both have been seeing a Church counsiler seperatlly and he will have us meet together at some point . She tells me she cant stand how much hurt and pan she did to me she feels like a whore when she is around me she fells shame fool for what she did . But maybe Im being selfish , but I think she should those images haunt me daily ... and its because of her and her choices. But I love her so much I dont want her to be in pain . I want her hear with me but The topic always goes back to what she did ...Maybe it will go away with time but how much time

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#2639124 - 06/23/12 08:36 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
Empire1979 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/23/12
Posts: 23
She doesnt have contact withhiom no longer they only knew each other for 2 months before she ended everything . She worked out at Zumba and him and another guy came there to sell shakes and I guess he gave her some speal about how she could sell it to and be self employeed and then thats how it started ...

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#2639125 - 06/23/12 08:41 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
lightsout Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/09
Posts: 200
Empire it has already be said that you are entitled to the whole truth about you wife's affair. Radically honestly is a beginning. The first thing you should do is move back into the family home. Then get rid of the counselor and read up on MB principles.

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#2639126 - 06/23/12 08:41 PM Re: Getting over my wife sleeping with another Man. [Re: Empire1979]
MelodyLane Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/01
Posts: 81525
Loc: Texas
Your separation has led to this terrible place and it will not get any better unless you live together as man and wife. Separation LEADS TO AFFAIRS and it dramatically increases the risk of divorce. So if you are serious about saving your marriage, you need to move home and stop damaging your marriage.

The solution to a bad marriage is not to move out and cause MORE damage but to work to turn it around. You obviously can't fix the marriage if you are not there.

So, move home and start working on your marriage. STOP fighting and start using the Marriage Builders progam to restore the romantic love in your marriage.

In your situation, I would immediately the get the book Lovebusters and read the first 5 chapters with your wife. Do the lessons at the end of each chapter together.

I have a bad feeling she won't allow you to move home, will she? Was it her idea that you move out? Perhaps to give her "space?"
_________________________
Happily married to my cute husband!

Exposure 101 <--READ THIS IF YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR!

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Winston Churchill

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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