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empire I assume that your wife knew you had a vasectomy before she married you yet she still married you knowing that you would not have a child together. That should be a non issue.

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Originally Posted by Empire1979
So say I move back home tomorrow ..what next ? I have no plan cause I never got the manual of marriage?
Get a sitter for the kids and take your wife out to a romantic dinner. Let her know that things are going to be different.

Bring her here.

Unless there's something about those "lies" you've told her that we need to know about. Let's talk about those first.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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So are you saying her insecuritys and my lies is ok to bang another dude?

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Empire there is NEVER a reason to have an affair.

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But it bacame a issue . I will try to get her on hear tomorrow after church , so she can give her side to get a honest opinion and help

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Originally Posted by Empire1979
So are you saying her insecuritys and my lies is ok to bang another dude?

The Harleys say "there may be reasons for an affair, but NEVER excuses"


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Empire1979
NO I wish there was . But I moved to Florida to be near my kids so Im alone down here my family is all up north ..So there is no way not to see her during the exchange .. but remember she has a ex also but It doesnt bother me I guess
You can take a friend to pick up the kids, so you don't have to see your former wife. Easy. Make sure your current wife is there with you, to welcome her stepchildren with open arms.

Easy. Done.


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She doesnt go with me I offer but she cant even hab]dle seeing my ex cause she feals like she will have a panic attack

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Originally Posted by Empire1979
I only have ever talked to my ex when it came to the kids other than that nothing,, i love my wife im a faithful husband ...

Is your wife enthusiastic about you communicating with your ex-wife? Is she enthusiastic about the visitation schedule? Are you taking her feelings into account when it comes to dealing with your X-wife and your children? Because it sounds to me like your wife is not being considered at all in this scenario.

Most blended families end up in divorce within 5 years because of these kinds of issues. These kinds of issues quickly erode the love in the marriage. The ones that do make it are the ones who learn to successfully negotiate decisions that take BOTH spouses' feelings into account. It sounds like you have made many unilateral decisions at her expense. That has led to your fights and it has probably greatly affected the love in your marriage. It has caused you to be incompatible.

You can change that *IF* you can both learn to use the policy of joint agreement, which is to never make a decision unless you both enthusiastically agree. Dr Harley addresses it right here: How to Raise Children in a Blended Family and Keep Love in Your Marriage


I am not ignoring the fact that she had an affair, but its important to understand how you became so incompatible.



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Empire1979
So are you saying her insecuritys and my lies is ok to bang another dude?
No, not at all. We're still trying to get the whole story! What are her 'insecurities'?? What are your lies??

HELP US HELP YOU.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Originally Posted by Empire1979
So are you saying her insecuritys and my lies is ok to bang another dude?

Of course not. She had an affair because she has poor boundaries around men and because your marriage is a wreck.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Empire1979
She doesnt go with me I offer but she cant even hab]dle seeing my ex cause she feals like she will have a panic attack

How would your wife prefer this exchange take place?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Ok so here is a insite on her insecuritys ...She wont go to the bathroom while we are out to eat because she scared of what people will think about her when she walks by them . She is super negative about her weight .. Whoich is crazy cause shes 53 and 142 lbs ... I mean just a beautful woman . But she is so down on her self and I have never talked down to her about anything Im super positive

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Originally Posted by Empire1979
She doesnt go with me I offer but she cant even hab]dle seeing my ex cause she feals like she will have a panic attack
Your wife has every right to go with you to receive her step-children. Why does she feel like she is going to have a panic attack?

If that is the case, then you can go with a trusted friend to pick up your children. Your wife can stay home, making a great dinner for the family.

Does your wife personally know your ex?


D-Day 2-10-2009
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nope she doesnt know her personally at all. she tellsme my exs intimidates her

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Please listen to these clips on Blended families.
Radio clip on Blended families
Segment #2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Sounds like both of you need to make an appointment with a medical doctor and see about getting on some antidepressants or anxiety medicine. Maybe that would help you both get through this mess and start healing your marriage.

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Here's a really good call on blended families.
Radio clips on Blended Families
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by lightsout
Sounds like both of you need to make an appointment with a medical doctor and see about getting on some antidepressants or anxiety medicine. Maybe that would help you both get through this mess and start healing your marriage.
It sounds to me like the two of you need to schedule an appointment with Steve Harley. Are you both willing to repair your marriage by doing that?


D-Day 2-10-2009
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I have to agree with you on that also.

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