EF-

You have received some wonderful advice here. I however am going to go at this at a little different angle. This is in no means trying to contradict the advice you have been given as this is solely your choice what to do on every front. Stay or go, AA or not etc.

Taking a big step back, I see two terribly tormented people whom under the right circumstances would like to continue their lives together. Many bad mistakes on both sides.

From the sound of things, your H�s perspective is going to be greatly influenced by the paternity test. I can certainly understand this. Also, I can relate to a certain degree about PTSD from the war. Post Dday of my W�s A, I experienced many of the same symptoms of those with PTSD. It creates an environment in which all range of emotions are felt nearly every hour of every day. I understand how unstable this makes someone, most likely you�re H.

Not making excuses for your H's drinking - totally his choice. What I am saying that he is obviously highly unstable right now. He is dealing with his own demons beyond the A's. And also taking on other people�s problems if he is getting calls from friends contemplating Suicide.

All this adds up to massive amounts of instability. He isn�t thinking clearly.

Possibly all of this has motivated him to drink. Doesn't make it right at all. However, understanding what is behind the curtain of his drinking could help you better make your decisions for yourself.

If you read what Dr. Harley writes about jump starting R, he suggests the couple go away on a long trip to reconnect. If the results come back that indeed the child is his, what do you think about a long vacation together?

It might serve several purposes. First, I honestly think he is going to be elated that the child is his and I am going to make a prediction he might just want to be close to you. Second, getting away maybe this would be the opportunity to spend QUALITY time one-on-one with him and he may not feel compelled to drink giving him a platform to think about quitting drinking or at least getting away from it for a while.

On the other hand, if they child isn�t his, it sounds like he is limiting the possibilities with you.

The point I want to emphasize is that UA time is absolutely the most critical aspect of the MB plan. You have been advised on many great things here.

Something in me just thinks that if the child is his and you are able to JUST GET AWAY for a while and re-connect again things might take a change for the better and start to fall in love again.

I am not saying I don�t recognize you have many issues to solve. Not in the least. I do understand how UA time can turn the tide. MB has opened your eyes to the extent of your problems and a roadmap to try to correct them.

You have many difficult decisions to make. However it goes I wish you the best.

I wholly recognize that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. He doesn't realize it. He struggles with the war a lot and things were very good since pregnancy up to dday.