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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
AJ I know the names of all involved except the one she had a one night stand with. The first was my best friend. This woman was a virgin whenever I met her now she has turned into a real slut. I couldn't get a BJ but everyone else could. Is this marriage over? that is something I can't answer right now but I am almost 60 and have know this slut 40 years. That is 2/3's of my life that is a lot to throw away but living with the pain may be worth me cutting my losses and walking at least for my sanity. Can you email the show and have both you and your wife be on the show? Or call the coaching center?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Here is a link to a discussion about taking your time to decide to divorce your spouse. LINK to discussion Divorce is sometimes a solution.
But, divorce is not the "off switch" to the pain.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
The last 20 have been nothing but a lie. This thought that you are having is one of the components of what we call THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER.  We urge you to wait for the roller coaster to slow down before you make any important decisions. Sorry for your bereavement of your loss.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200 |
I am going to email the show IF and that is a big IF W will agree. I do know she does not want a divorce. I am going to try to call Steve or Joyce later today whenever W is asleep.
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Lightsout,
If you know who the OM are you can inform their wives of what went on.
Sorry that you have to keep cleaning this wound.
I think for the next polygraph you might want to have 100 written questions and then the polygraph operator just asks if she answered the written questions honestly. Include every possible sexual variation.
About STDs, the main issues from long dead affairs is that the HPV virus your WW may have transmitted to you from OM can cause cancer. So depending on what type of mucus membrane contact you have had with your WW those parts of your body need to be monitored by you for lumps. For example there is a large upswing in the number of oral, throat and neck cancers due to oral sex and kissing.
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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Gamma this is getting old. Now she says that she has sex in the first guys truck which makes no sense. She had her own apartment why would she have sex in a vehicle instead bed. I am believing nothing that comes out of her mouth. Whenever she wakes up I am going to nail her on that lie.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200 |
Gamma got the answer. The first affair was 2 years prior to her leaving. That is why they done it in his truck. Monday I have a Dr. appt. and am going to have a full panel of blood work done. She better pray everything comes back OK. I have about decided I am going to let her finish paying off the house then tell her to get out. I am so confused as to if this marriage is worth saving after living lies for so long. One man she still works with. She says neither have said anything about their encounters in over twenty years. I guess she thinks I believe that.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 251
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 251 |
Sorry bud. Trickle truths hurt more than anything. What plan do you want to follow at this point?
Me: BH
XW: Promises83
DS5
Married 10 years, first for both of us
D-Day: 27 Oct 11 trickle truth-ed until all 8 OMs were discovered
D Final: 16 Aug 2013
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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AJJ right now I don't know what to do. Yesterday I got the news that one of the guys still works for the same organization just in a different location. Friday I got "2 of them I picked up at a bar and don't remember their names" Now I wonder if she does remember the other guy's name. The one she works with I know his name and the trouble with exposure he has divorced and remarried since this happened. I thought we had settled this months ago. We have has sex the past 6 days in a row. I guess she is trying to make up I really don't know. It went from once or twice a week to every day someone tell me what is going on. Any suggestions on what to do???????? I am at a total loss on what to do now.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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Joined: May 2008
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Lightsout,
The frequent sex after a D-day is called "hysterical bonding" and is not uncommon. It is an attempt, mostly unconscious and not deliberate, to re-establish the relationship. Your wife wants your marriage. However, she has been lying for a long time. Trickle truth is described as the "death of a thousand cuts".
What do you want for your future?
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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lightsout,
One man she still works with. She says neither have said anything about their encounters in over twenty years. I guess she thinks I believe that.
Sorry to hear that, talk about a ton of bricks, I can't comprehend 20 years of everyday contact, what on earth DID THEY TALK ABOUT?
Did this OM have his current BW when he was with your WW?
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200 |
Armymama and Gamma, I have to agree that they did talk about their encounters. They to work for a large agency but there is a long distance between where they work. OM did not have current W whenever the A was going on. I agree it is "hysterical bonding". At this point I am almost 60 and really don't know if I want to leave or stay. W has been good to me other that the affairs and is a good provider. I am 100% disabled so she has done well in providing a living other than keeping her clothes on at times.
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Lightsout,
Perhaps you can have WW write out a diary in chronological order of all the events to help her remember.
And yes she knows all of their names.
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 200 |
Gamma that sounds like a plan to me. I am still getting trickle truth. Last night she told me the first encounter was 2 times Friday she told me the first encounter was once. I am sick of her and her lying saying she don't remember. She damn well remembers everything.
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