I would wait about 10 minutes. And I would expose the affair at work. It is still active.

Exposing the affair at work BEFORE their trip is absolutely vital. Let the entire work environment know that WW and OM are going off on their little jaunt to do the "horizontal cha-cha" on the company dime (lira? euro?).

If they can withstand that heat, and go anyway, she should come back and walk into a "notice of intent to divorce" subpoena, or whatever the equivalent is in Italy!

The more I think about it and the more I feel I should did strictly what MarriageBuilders recommended. I'm sorry being late...

The biggest mistake was trusting in her effort the first days after the DDay. After my trust was offended again I became a lose cannon. I shouldn't have trust her, and I should remain in control of myself.

So they went on this travel together and you think the affair is over?

My suggestion after seeing your recent post is to just get divorced. If you won't even expose the affair, there is nothing we can do to help you. Your goal is to avoid any potential lawsuit at any and all costs, our goal is to save your marriage.

This was a long shot at best, and I would now call it hopeless because you are allowing a lazy lawyer [who only wants to facilitate an easy divorce] to call the shots. Nothing we can do for you, friend.

Affair exposed to family, friends and at work.

I think in few minutes I'm going to receive a crazy call from my wife. Should I tell her all the recipients list of my messages (more than 40, though email and facebook).

No.

Her affair was NOT exposed at work. That would have been one of your most potent exposures, but since you refuse to do that, I give this little hope. When your top goal is to appease a lawyer rather than save your marriage, you are unlikely to make it. Marriages are not saved when the BS operates out of fear.

here

So now you say you DID expose at work? Which is it?

Seriously, if lawyers are going to guide your recovery attempt, then we can't help you. They have no idea how to save a marriage, they only know how to get you divorced. If all of our suggestions are going to be screened by a lazy, disinterested lawyer, then you are wasting valuable board members time.

I fully exposed an hour ago,
and i'm receiving the first calls from friends and collegues who really care. I feel better.

So you exposed to Human Resources at her workplace?

and their head of department

I exposed at her workplace friday morning.
Saturday I received a support message from her boss: he praised my strength, he wrote he'll do what's right to stop the relation with the other man: reassignment at minimum.
I know they had a meeting today.

Exposure IS THE RIGHT MOVE.

She's also getting phone calls from dozen of people near to us.
I'm happily surprised. She's mad, now. But no problem.

Good job!!

Good job!!

Remember you can survive her anger, but your marriage wouldn't survive her affair.

Today (the day after the exposure) she's contacting me way more than the last weeks. Also for some casual topics (?!?)
She asked me why I could still want her, and I replied extensively.

I also said that I'm hurt and I can't heal living the trauma over and over, so I mentioned again my need for some extreme precautions.

I dunno how to proceed. I don't want to withdraw love units.
I'm in sort of late plan A?

I know for sure I cannot leave my heart so open forever, the next month she should have another 5 days seminar.
I feel dying imaging she'll flies away. I think this is line.
If she go the next congress, I'd need to implement a plan B for my survival.

We still share the internet calendar for helping each other with our children activities. I just saw the next month seminar is not in her calendar anymore.

Dear friends, I think I won so many battles in my life, but hope wasn't never in the field. Furthering hope make me feels so weak :-) this is so strange :-)

Peter it's difficult to follow. Has she said she wants to reconcile? Are you planning to move home? Where exactly do things stand at the moment?

Peter, I'm confused. You said you exposed 4 days ago?

How did you expose to her employer? Did you write a letter? Meet with the head employers? Have they confirmed with you that OM has been transferred?

Please forgive me :-)
I exposed Friday (4 days ago)
But my wife became fully aware of the exposure only yesterday (Monday).
A LOT of our friends are calling her.
Exposure is very counter intuitive (I suspect even more here in Italy).
I generated a tsunami of responses, with a wide array of receptions.
I received a lot of supportive calls from some of best people I contacted.
Each one is also calling my wife.
The supportive calls I'm receiving are so relieving for me :-)

I spoke with my wife only briefly in the late afternoon.
But our talk seemed authentic and joyful for the first time in months.
She's also stunned by the huge number of calls from person we both respect a lot, even if out of contact since years.
She said her phone is always ringing, and that I'm a crazy loose cannon.
I know she had a meeting about the affair with her boss yesterday.
I don't know the results. I know they are going to meet again.
But from my wife Internet calendar I see that her schedule is changing.
It seems she's already not involved in the workgroup with the other man.
They are both physicians in different department in one of the biggest hospital in the region.

I was the original BS. DDay July 2012.
I failed to implement correctly a plan A, and I had to move out of our house, pretty sure our marriage was lost forever. After six months, in these days it seems there could be a possibility to reconcile.
full story here here.

My wife this morning enlisted our 7yo daughter to the local summer camp, and we discovered my daughter only teacher would be one of the women I dated when I moved out of my house and until few weeks ago.

My wife just gone crazy, screaming and crying on the phone.
Other summer camps seems not feasible, and our daughter will be very sad not attending this camp which she loved attending last year. With her friends, and the same teacher.

I feel so miserable.
It never happened that the summer camp teacher was the same the following year.

I know our options. I just had to tell you.
bye bye


Peter