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Rocket queen - yes, I did "honestly" forget, it was a number that was not used, I had it in there at the beginning of the affair. Because I cut contact and deleted the number I was familiar with, the other number was not a thought UNTIl Om tried to make contact. Your "assumption" was incorrect. Your BH is EXTREMELY devastated and needs your help. What EPs have you given to him for yourself? What just compensation have you given your BH? Please read. Can't We Just Forgive and Forget
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Rocket queen - yes, I did "honestly" forget, it was a number that was not used, I had it in there at the beginning of the affair. Because I cut contact and deleted the number I was familiar with, the other number was not a thought UNTIl Om tried to make contact. Your "assumption" was incorrect. It actually doesn't matter whether she was incorrect or not. Her point being that this is how it looks to your BS. Any further contact is incredibly offensive to the BS. Your BS isn't going to care that you forgot - it is going to trigger him and make him wonder how much you are actually doing to protect him and the M. The best course of action would have been to CHANGE the number so that the OM cannot ever get through again. Most WS try to short-cut this one and it backfires often. Hopefully you have thought carefully and blocked off any other loopholes there may be (email, etc)
Last edited by SusieQ; 05/23/13 05:41 PM.
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BTW, if there are any mementos from the affair (pictures, notes, emails, texts, ANYTHING) it should all be revealed to your BH and then disposed of immediately.
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When you explain it that way SusieQ, I understand. I did change the number the next day, and have had no further contact. I had no "mementos" but I do see the relivance of disclosing such information.
FWW, 36
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Mrs_cen,
but I do see the relivance of disclosing such information.
Disclose whatever information you have, dishonesty got you to this horrible place and only honesty will undo the damage.
God Bless
Gamma
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" My H agreed to try a reconcilliation under certain conditions - I was to have NO contact either direct or indirect with OM, I got rid of my facebook account, changed my cell number, gave H access to my email/bank accounts and phone, I signed the legal seperation he drafted to "feel safe", I've given him total disclosure. I've accepted what I did, I haven't"
Your husband said he just caught you Facebook messaging this POS and taking his calls on your cellphone?? How does that line up with what you told us here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Those things were done AFTER the one msg on FB and the one text on my cell - I've never taken a call from the OM on my cell
FWW, 36
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You've received texts.
Your husband isn't sure about your email.
You can still access Facebook.
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There is no reason to believe you when you say the affair is over ... what reason have you given him to believe you?
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Those things were done AFTER the one msg on FB and the one text on my cell - I've never taken a call from the OM on my cell OM obviously knows the number, so you are going to change the number, right?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I changed the number the day after he sent the text.
Clearly it doesn't matter, if you follow his thread, as he mentioned he's in the oil field - your wife has already commented on my "faithfullness" and lack there of. He's already now got it in his head, that's what I will do.
FWW, 36
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My H and I have been married 9 years this July, we have two children and are both 36. I am the WW, my affair lasted 9 weeks.
During the last 8 1/2 years, leading up to the affair, my H was very for lack of a better word "in to himself", he paid next to no attention to me, was un-affectionate (seemd to cringe at touch) and had what I can only guess as to some form of "Sexual Anorexia", intimacy between was as long as three years without.
I had set up numerous sessions with marriage therapists only to have him go once and the refuse to go again, I was open with him about my sadness and feelings on his behaviour towards me - it all added up to nothing. We now know that your husband's job was keeping him away for weeks at a time. It's no wonder there was no intimacy. Nights apart are murder on marriage and intimacy. In order to recover, you guys are going to need to make a big life change and commit to no nights apart ever again. It's already been demonstrated to be devastating to your marriage and contributory toward the circumstances that led to your affair.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I changed the number the day after he sent the text.
Clearly it doesn't matter, if you follow his thread, as he mentioned he's in the oil field - your wife has already commented on my "faithfullness" and lack there of. He's already now got it in his head, that's what I will do. When my wife and I used to spend nights apart, I got involved in looking at porn, which was devastating to her. We don't spend nights apart any more, so the circumstances that led to me looking at porn never happened, so now she doesn't have to live in fear of me doing it again. Of course, the nights apart didn't MAKE me look at porn. There were plenty of nights when I was alone and did not do that, so obviously I had a choice and was in control of my own decisions. But we had together made a decision that was bad for our marriage in many ways, and that was one of them. I'm very thankful we don't spend nights apart any more.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Are you willing to commit to never spending the night apart again?
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What about your email?
Is Facebook now BLOCKED?
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Your wife is now telling him - "I'm just doing what I can to get by, waiting until he leaves", she doesn't know me, those comments are NOT helpfull.
FWW, 36
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Stop whining and start doing what needs to be done to prove me wrong.
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Thank you for your "help" Prisca.
FWW, 36
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You're more than welcome.
You can start by answering the questions I asked.
Are you willing to never spend the night apart again?
What about your email? Your husband seems to think you haven't shared it completely.
What about Facebook. Is it now BLOCKED?
Are you going to prove me wrong on this?
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Your wife is now telling him - "I'm just doing what I can to get by, waiting until he leaves", she doesn't know me, those comments are NOT helpfull. You realize my wife had a short ~9 week affair, and has since completely recovered our marriage with me, right? You realize she knows how to actually do the work to recover from an affair, right?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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