He has not had many affairs. One EA 5 years ago and last year another one--he did admit to kissing her--I know you all think I'm an idiot for believing that he didn't sleep with her, but I do believe him.

What about all my other questions?

In addition to all my other questions.

Did you do what Dr. Harley recommended in your call? How much UA time are you getting?

OM is married. I did apologize to his wife and tell her I would not communicate with him anymore.

Did not expose my affair to anyone except husband.

Have not been tested for STDs.

No EPs for H. For me I blocked him on chat we used. Deleted that email account.

Did I miss any questions?

As for UA time...definitely not 15 hours/week. Have tried to increase it, but haven't been very successful.

LolaLove,


You wroteOM is married. I did apologize to his wife and tell her I would not communicate with him anymore.

But did you tell OMW that OM had sex with you? You should at least do her that kindness.

God Bless
Gamma

A few missed questions.
Your WH has had many affairs, but you say he isn't having an affair now. How have you confirmed this?


When is the last time you talked to OM? Are you still talking to him?

Have you changed all your contact information?

Why won't your husband give a list of EPs?

Did he write a NC Letter to his OW? Were any of his affairs exposed?

Have you told your kids about both of your affairs?

The most recent ea ended several month ago but he just recently finally resigned from a board that he was on with her. Sometimes it's really difficult to explain things to you all--things don't always seem as black and white from my end.

As for me I have not spoken to om for months--I have no desire or interest to do so. Got rid of means used to chat but still have my phone number--he has not tried to call and I would not answer-- I am truly disgusted with myself for what I did.

I believe husband won't do nc or ep's because he thinks his involvement with her had nothing to do with where we stand in our marriage and it is insignifcant in the big picture where he "doesn't have feelings for me". Its ridiculous I know-- I can't even explain to you how he feels but sometimes he tells me he thinks he is "sick" because he is so cynical about long-term relationships. He doesn't believe anyone is happy who has been married a long time.

We have not told our kids.

Oh and there has been no exposure--no affairs were active when I found mb.

Dr. Harley says to expose even if it's been years after the affair was found out. I recommend you to expose both of your(yours and your WH's) affairs.

It is an affair that your WH had. He kissed her.

What about getting your UA time up like Dr. Harley recommends?

I am not being difficult but why? I thought the point of exposure is to kill the affair.

Also, just had a long talk with H. He told me again that he has no faith in himself to come out of the program "in love" and that is why he is so afraid to do it...he is afraid I will be in love and he won't and I will resent him. He asked if he could talk to Dr Harley before committing to the program...is that a possibility?

That is very possible to talk to Dr. Harley. Email the Harley's back and let them know.

Ive been reading this thread from the beginning, well just started it a few days ago.
If my BS was writing your side of things it would look just the same!

When my emotional affair was first discovered, I did all the "right" things. NC letter etc. But due to circumstances I could not move jobs right away. I convinced my BS that I was not continuing this affair, but it was all a lie, I was so good at masking what was going on, it took her another 5 months to find out I was lying all the time. When I was confronted yet again I was really relieved to be discovered. By this time we had moved cities and I had moved out of the office I was working at which was the same place my OW worked.
I am a very strong character normally, but being in the fog of an affair, and seeing her daily, it was too much for me, no matter how much I wanted to end it.

So my first reaction is, I don't believe your husband is not still"hooked". I also was not convinced that Marriage Builders could fix things, how wrong I was, when I finally got involved in the Seminar Program I realized that my BS was the one I really loved both physically and emotionally.

All this said, I would doubt he can terminate any affair when he sees the OW in the work environment. Imagine yourself if every day you saw the person you had the affair with, even though physically it was a "one nighter".

Please ask you husband to read my post! I was ready to give up everything, friends and family for this other woman. But when my BS made full exposure after the second discovery, I was amazed at the vitriol from family and friends, I would have been excommunicated from my family based on their responses.

The things that first attracted us can be recovered, it just takes more work than an affair.

Thank you for your input Taffy. He does not work with the OW, but was on a board for a foundation that she runs--he has finally resigned from that.

Did you write Dr. Harley back?

Not yet...I mentioned it to H and he said he will contact them if he decides to...so we will see.

Can you tell me why exposure is important when there are no active affairs?

Can you tell me why keeping secrets of evil deeds would be a good thing?

Here's what Dr. Harley says.

When Should an Affair Be Exposed?

I don't confess all of my sins to everyone. I just don't see what good it would do at this point other than seem like I'm being vindictive and turn him against MB when I am trying to get him to participate.

If anyone is interested I will be on the show again next Wednesday. Among other things we will be discussing whether there is a need for exposure at this point. Although my H does not want to be on the show he has agreed to email the Harleys with what is going on in his head.