Last night I robbed her Love Bank and now I feel I may have blown all my work trying to better myself. Hopefully just by writing this I can see hope.
Just over 2 months ago my OH admitted to a PA and told me she loves me but is not in love with me. She told me affair had ended but our marriage is over. She chose to move to spare room. The hard part is we do not hate each other and are still great friends (she says we've been like roommates for years). At the time of the revelation we had both been drinking and the next morning I took an overdose of painkillers to spite her. She pleaded with me to get help but I only did 24 hours later when my head cleared. I have not drunk since. About 3 years ago we had short in house separation following my failure to make her feel wanted and appreciated. This time I looked for advice and found MB. I thought I could build me Love Bank deposits and work on surviving the affair but was met with resistance. She was adamant to stay as friends and her behaviour aroused my suspicion. I checked her phone and found affair to be continuing. I exposed affair to family and friends. The OM works out of city but have exposed to his ex wife. My OH exposed much of it herself referring back to issues of my negligence.
Yesterday we had a great time together as normal going out for walks coffee dinner etc. Last night she told me she was going out. She looked me in the eyes waiting for me to object as she knew I knew she was going to see OM. I stayed calm knowing a scene would withdraw from the Love Bank. However over the course of the evening I sent her messages(some nice some nasty,depending on how my emotions were flowing) to show how its destroying me. I felt impotent doing nothing yet evil for trying to hurt. When she came home I apologised for trying to inflict pain and tried to explain I cannot tolerate affair even if she feels we are just friends. I reminded her she is still my wife even if she feels we are just friends. She deflected issue of affair and my pain citing the pain I have caused her over the years through neglect. She has noticed my efforts lately but tells me its too little too late (better late than not at all I feel). I know she still has love for me but I keep disrespecting her and failing to keep up with my efforts at change. I know I'm slowly driving her to hate me when I blow up about affair. I know I need to swallow it for now and compete. I know Love is patient. How do I remain patient?

How many affairs has she had? What was your previous posting name?

Was gtop this is my first post. Only this affair I know of. I do know before our 10 year history she had a fling with OM when he was married and he has always been 'sniffing' around but until recently she has always actively avoided contact. She lost her job and was home a lot leaving him opportunity while I was working and admittedly ignoring her at a time she needed me most. I feel I have fully exposed as much as possible and even had discussions with her family who do not condone it.

Is she your wife or live-in partner?

She is my wife of 6 years. Further to exposure I found most people already knew. It's as if she was already planning an exit strategy or a way of justifying it to herself.

Bluebeck, when you say that your WW "exposed much of it herself" what do you mean? Do you mean she spun the truth to some people? Did you talk to those people yourself and tell them the truth?

When you "exposed" what did you say to these people?

Does the OM have a facebook page?

Looking back I procrastinated too much and allowed her to reveal affair after news of seperation. The impact of exposure was not as great as required. She admits PA started shortly before separating. Any further discussions with people of influence seems like sour grapes. Although a lot of support has come in to not make it easy for her. I believe she is that much in the fog even front page news would not rattle her. As for Fb and social media he is not involved.
When I exposed I said to people that she has been having an affair but she has been complaining about my neglect long before affair and it seems it has just got us to the separation quicker.

I explained who affair was with her admission and how long it had been going on. Some knew OM always been lurking on the fringes.

But you are not "separated." You still live together.

And even if you were truly "separated" that does not entitle her to commit adultery. "Separation" means MARRIED!

If I walk into the garage and declare myself "separated" does that mean I am entitled to commit adultery? And does it mean I am "separated?" Of course not. That is delusional.

I would stop going along with the cute "separation" illusion game and DEMAND that stop all contact with the OM or this is going to end in divorce. DEMAND that she stop communicating with the OM. Put a stop to this.

Do everything in your power to unleash holy hell on this POS. Expose his filthy affair to his family, friends, employer, everyone. Confront him and tell him the affair is over.

I will try that stunt on my husband tonight and see if it works. I will waltz out to the garage and pronounce myself "separated." I will then call up some old boyfriends and get a date!

I will let you know how well that flies!

I have read exposure 101 again and I have more ticks in the mistakes section! Yes we are still living together house and mortgage in her name, which is always a good throw back from her if arguing. Why don't I leave, how much do I want, which is said in spite as she knows its not about money. This is our home, which she knows and it seems she keeps slipping from her mindset of we are separated as we often discuss future plans for home improvement and even holidays with her family (as friends). Cake and eat it comes to mind. I think I know where I am here. Needing to compete, being the better man, being the gentleman. My biggest issue is controlling my temper. I'm not violent but manipulative emotionally .

Guess I need to grow a set first

Can I ask the purpose of pretending you are separated? I agree that you shouldn't leave, but don't understand the pretend separation game. Is the purpose so she can feel better about committing adultery?

And are you reading my posts about exposing to the OM's friends and family on facebook?

Yes reading posts about exposing OM as I said before he is not on any Social media but have been in contact with his ex for assistance. He is a slippery one to get hold of. Yes I believe she is doing this to feel better about adultery. It seems the more I confront the affair the more I push her away.

Next step would be to follow her when she goes to meet him!!

I would find the contact information for his family and friends. Keep searching on social media, linkedin is one source. And check and see if he has you blocked.

You can also get information about his family from his ex. If you can get the names of his kids, parents, or any of them, you could find their facebook pages and find his family members that way and expose to him.

This answer is unclear to me.

Have you ever posted on the MB forum under a different name? If so, what was that name?

No never posted before thankfully

Sorry changed from gtop immediately after first post!

Trying to track down OM is tricky as has a very common name. Also have cell number but blocked! Ex proving to be unwilling to get involved even though explained trying to save marriage (young kids an issue). Im still persisting with exposure and like I say other than follow wife confrontation face to face difficult!