question about exposure: will exposure make OWH dump OW and push OW and WH together? Thanksl

Welcome to MB, xpbrain1.

Exposure, if done correctly, should end the affair so you can start working on fixing your marriage.

Surviving an Affair - Start here first

Have you confirmed the affair? Do you know who the OW and OWH are? How did WH and OW meet?

What have your husband's complaints in the marriage been?

They are more likely to hook up together if you DON'T EXPOSE because affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping it a secret makes it more likely the OW and the WH will end up together. The longer it is kept secret, the harder it is to bust up because it becomes more entrenched.

If the WW and the WH are going to get together, they are going to get together whether you expose or not. Affairees who do not WANT to be together won't be together. All exposure does is speed things up.

What typically happens is the affair ends, either right away or very soon.

NOT exposing makes it more likely your WH will dump YOU for the OW. If you keep it a secret that is more likely to happen. IT is hard to save a marriage when you are an enabler.

It won't "make" people do anything they don't want to but it will give people the information to make informed choices.

Welcome to MB

shall i post my story here if my WH knows about this site?

Do you have good reason to think that he does know about it?

I tried to tell him the basic concepts and love buster and stuff, and sent him link about the site.

Sure!

married 14 yrs, 2 kids, daughter 4yr, son 5months. WH had an affair when I was pregnant 06/13, with his long time friend, during an overseas trip. OW lives and remains overseas all this time. DD-11/13. Exposed immediately after DD to WH's mom and sister, and my close family member, my couple very close friends -- for the support. Tried Plan A but probably didn't do it correctly (didn't find this site until recently) that had quite some love buster during our discussions trying to have him terminate contact with OW. WH has been refused to terminate contact.

Early this week, I exposed the affair to their close friends. WH got furious, but later on expressed that hope I don't hate him that much. I think he's worried I would expose to his work place and ruin his reputation. Now I'm on the verge of Plan B. Feel exhausted and less and less love toward WH. But still wondering if I need to expose this to OW's work place. I don't know OWH because she lives overseas, and tried very hard to get her info but not much. Only knows her work phone. But since this is not work place affair, i'm not sure if i shall expose there.

so shall i expose her further? or shall go to plan b instead.

Xpbrain, I am so sorry for the reasons that brought you here. You should go into plan B and expose further. Does the OW have a Facebook page? I don't see the sense in a workplace exposure unless they are connected somehow through work or they are pastors or teachers.

OW doesn't have a FB, and searched a lot and couldn't find much info on other social media sites. They are not connected through work, but that's the only info i have (the company she work for and her work phone). i doubt ppl at her company would tell me her husband's phone no.

I have read SAA and numerous articles on the MB website. But the thing is the affair is on-going, and WH wouldn't let me meed his needs and keep emailing and msging OW, although they can't see each other. according to WH, OW's husband may know about this, and they might wanna have a divorce. I'm really devastated since my kids are so young. I'm torn if I shall expose this to my almost 4 year old.

is it recommended that I talk to OW directly?

Did your WH meet this OW while on travel for work?

How hard have you looked for her husband? Do you have her full name?

And yes, you should contact the OW and talk to her. Tell her you are married to WH and make sure she knows she is wrecking a family.

@mrEureka just travel.
@MelodyLane i have her full name and I searched very hard but nothing comes up. I guess only hire PI could really dig sth out. But it's in a different country and very difficult. everything is so stressful and i have to work and take care of the little ones. WH's mom and sister (they are very close) are trying to ask him to do the right thing, but he remains unchanged. On one side he's very nice to his mom and kids, but very cold and neglect to me.

I actually sent her emails about this and she never replies. sometimes she simply forwards the email to WH. I am a bit reluctant to talk to her on the phone, though.

I bet a PI could run a background check on her even though she is out of the country. Can you find her home address and phone number? Where does she live?