What plan are you in? You're obviously not in plan B, correct?

Thanks for your reply, BrainHurts. I'm in Plan A now. Steve directed me to demonstrate to my MIL and WH that I could change, since WH might have ended A, but believed I would never change and he would be better off living by himself.

WH thinks my short temper and lack of caring to him after the first child led to his A.

There are reasons for A but never excuses.

These are areas you could work on for your personal growth but will be part of your Plan A since you have been advised to do Plan A

Thanks for your reply happyfuture66. I do need to control my AO. even not for WH, my kids could benefit from it a lot, so do my future relationships.

I saw you posted on another thread that you're in Plan B. What plan are you in?

Hi BrainHurts Thanks for asking me. Steve suggested me to remain contact with WH, fill out the love buster questionnaire and ask for WH's advice on it, and prove to MIL that I could change my temper and etc and hope she would put kind words for me to WH and make him change his mind. Well, since WH is actually plan B-ing me and i'm very discouraged and lost the motivation to work on anything. We don't have any direct contact really. We are avoiding each other. Probably I'm just going to fill the LB form out and ask WH, call steve one more time and get it over with.

I'm still looking for job in CA. sometimes things become very difficult to achieve when you desperately need them. I asked question in the other thread just to figure things out to prepare for dark plan b in CA. I'm very tempted to call my mom for help on the kids, although we haven't talked for 10 years. I don't know if it would be a good move, since I'd deal with another awkward relationship.

I feel like if i'm not in dark plan b in CA, nobody is going to talk to me here in the forum. I'm getting there, just need a job. meanwhile, WH got an apartment, and I could ask MIL to live with him if I wanna start dark plan B here in HI.

I can't speak for everyone, but I won't stop. I'm going to be honest. It is very difficult to post to someone that doesn't follow Dr. Harley's plans. We try and give advice based on his program. So if you are going to deviate from the plan it will be tough to post advice.

It doesn't mean it will be easy or that you won't have hurdles to jump, but it will help you heal.

Have you told Steve about what Dr. Harley advised? What did he say about it?

What are you doing to eliminate your AOs? Have you heard the anger management clips?

Thanks, Brainhurts. I know what you mean. I do understand a dark plan b will be best for my personal recovery. but i said here on the forum several times that Dr. Harley himself suggested to me on the radio show that I should do a short-term plan A before moving to CA for a long-term plan b. I did do as you guys suggested to email Dr. Harley right after the radio show to let him know that I started plan a since last Nov. and it would take several months before i can move, so if doing plan a now would be too long. Dr. Harley answered that :"It depends. If your mental health continues to deteriorate, it may be too long. One the other hand, knowing you have a plan may help you put your husband�s bad behavior in perspective, and it may not affect you the same way." if you don't believe me, send me your email address, I'll forward the email to you.

I told Steve that I wrote to MB radio and Dr. Harley advised me to do a short-term plan A before moving to CA for a long-term plan b. He said that's exactly what he wanted me to do.

So how am I supposed to follow Dr. Harley's program? Despite what he told me on radio and what he wrote to me on email, I shall do a dark plan b only? I value the support and help on this forum very much! I followed the advises about exposure, cheaterville, but just think about it, if you were me, when you were trying your best to follow Dr. Harley's program to save your marriage, and trying to do everything you can so you won't have any regrets later on, will you ignore Dr. Harley his own advice to you? Well, on the relocation to CA, I might seem indecisive, finding excuses not to move asap. But I'm not in my early twenties anymore that I can just make the move even without a job, don't think about anything else. I need to pay for the high living cost in CA. I don't have relatives to help me with the kids, and I have to admit previously I wasn't too good at staying home taking care of kids, and i found it more enjoyable sending DD to daycare and i go to work, sorry i'm just trying to be honest. now two kids, i just don't want to make the move, and got all stressed out abt not being able to find job, got so tired taking care of both kids, and then be impatient to my kids. also, i just can't handle the insecurity of not having a job and not having a spouse to rely on at the same time. i will be totally on my own when in CA.

after said all these, actually i've seriously thought about moving without a job, but got cold-feet doing it. maybe i can just move and ask wh to pay for all the cost. well, his salary couldn't really afford it and if he blames me causing the financial stress and files D in HI, I'll have to move back with kids and get stuck in HI.

i listened to the clips about anger management and trying to practice relax techniques. i'm reading the love buster book. well, it's almost impossible not to be angry, given that i'm humiliated by WH's plan b-ing me! but i try not to have AOs. living with MIL is difficult, but i try not to hate her, try not to confront her at all. try to think that my life is not about saving this M anymore, but just to take care of my two precious kids.

to be frank, i don't think WH will be interested in Steve's plan for recovery. he want's nothing to do with me. he moved on. and i want to move on too, and show him the consequences of what he did.

if i don't have to move, if i have someone to help me with kids so that i can keep my job, probably i will choose divorce now. well this validates the dark plan b. i'm getting there.

xpbrain,

You need to follow the advice you have received from Dr. Harley.
At the same time, you need to be honest with Dr. Harley at all times about your emotional health

Thanks, Jedi. I'll be honest to Steve about my emotional health. If I can't take it any more, I'll go back to plan B.