That is not usually how it works. That might be the case if there is a custody agreement in place, but there is not. If you move now, he would have to come to your state to file any motions. Typically, the spouse who is left behind is forced to move to the new state and file any actions there.

I would strongly urge you to move. I am very concerned that you think that "Plan B" is a kind of ultimatum to force the WS to do something. I assure you it is not. It won't motivate him to do anything. The purpose is to get you out of his life while his affair dies. The alternative is to hang around and develop mental, emotional and physical problems due to his abuse. It is also very unattractive to have a woman competing for him.

Plan B is supposed to emulate divorce. And I guarantee you that your H will come in that apartment if you tell him he can't come around. That is what 99.99% of waywards do. He won't like losing control of you and will just come in at will.

Thanks, Melody. I'll think about it.

There are many threads here of women with the kids; no family nearby, no support and a cheating husband that continually tries to bully them.

If you can leave and be near support you should do so.

I would consult with a lawyer and see if you can do so. You may need to file for divorce in your new state as soon as you become a resident in order to keep the case there. I would ask an attorney in the new state ASAP.

MelodyLane, you are right, I thought he wouldn't move out because it's heart-breaking to leave the kids. But obviously, I'm wrong. He even agrees I could move to another state, if I can find a job and find childcare. He's willing to discuss the financial details of divorce.

Good. Time to move forward. I need to be strong for the kids.

Do not talk to him about moving out of state until you speak with an attorney.

You should plan on entering Plan B when you move.

I would hire a mover and get moved. He does not dictate the terms of your moving. And no, you should not get a job because he needs to support you. That would be the wrong thing to do right now. Go set aside some money and find a place to live.

what attorney said is, sadly, he has the right to file to court of parental kidnapping if i move with kids to other state without his consent, even without custody agreement. then i will have to come back with kids, or go to jail.

wondering if i should leave asap before he changes his mind. but moving takes a long time, shipping our stuff and vehicle and stuff... need to find childcare ...

if i don't have a job, out-of-state health insurance for me and kids need to be applied a month in advance.

Are you sickly people?

is it that only a very small percentage of WS would lift the fog by themselves? Looks like I'm out of luck.

The percentage would be zero.

my son is only 5-month old. daughter 4 yr old.

Are they sickly children?

If you live in America, you can get healthcare for kids without insurance. You would be able to receive emergency treatment in any hospital in America. And if your kids get sick, you can take them to the doctor. You don't have to have insurance to get health care in America.

Are in America?

yeah, but infant/preschooler get sick a lot, esp if they go to daycare/preschool. infant need regular well check every several months. i want to find good pediatricians for my kids, not just go to ER every time they get sick.

Can you apply for medicaid?

But you said it takes a month to get insurance, right? If they get sick in that month, you can take them to the doctor. You don't have to have insurance to take kids to the doctor. And if there is an emergency you can take them to the ER.

AFTER you get moved you can find a good pediatrician. Not having insurance does not mean your kids won't get health care. We did not have health insurance when my kids were little and they got all the appropriate health care.

Since when do you have to have health insurance to get medical care?

Thank you guys for all your input!

Is it moving to another state doing Plan B will be a better emulate of divorce? Will the distance and less chance visiting the kids make WH value our marriage more? Since WH promised he will not violate our arrangements and come to our company housing as he wishes. Staying local will provide more time for the father to visit kids. He does love them a lot, although not as much as to his lover.

well it might sound finding excuses not to move so fast, and i do fear that my WH will change mind, but
1)from the state we currently live, shipping my vehicle and household stuff takes a month. i can't really afford buy all the stuff new.
2)i haven't found a job in the state I'm moving to. I want to be independent and be able to support myself and kids.
3)even continue to use my WH's insurance coverage, applying out-of-state insurance takes a month. I don't think I qualify for medicaid.
4)daughter is in the middle of the semester. although it's only preschool, but feels like leave after the spring semester might be better for her.
5)current job needs 2-week notice to quit.
6)haven't found nanny and daycare for my kids.

i have to admit, it's a bit intimidating taking care of two very young kids on my own from now on. the WH did all this to me.

so is it taking Plan B to wait for the A to die naturally? and i should prepare for a divorce?

I think you will qualify for medicaid.
You can go to their website and do a quick checklist and see.