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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Is the affair over? Will he forgive me?

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Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797313 04/16/14 09:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	I showed him the list for exposure 101 and we are talking about it now. I'm close to giving up ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? BrainHurts #2797317 04/16/14 09:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	In my country its not easy to find people. I don't know his first name and the woman doesn't carry his last name because they are not married legally since she's still married to her ex. My husband told me he knew about the affair but that was during the third time I discovered it. I know he thinks up until this point it has ended. I want to believe it has ended for them now after the email was sent but without full transparency being part of the exposure 101 list I don't know if I can last that long. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797318 04/16/14 09:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien I showed him the list for exposure 101 and we are talking about it now. I'm close to giving up You don't tell your WH about exposure. You expose. Do you know anyone else on OW's side to expose to? Your WH doesn't call the shots. You do. FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? BrainHurts #2797323 04/16/14 09:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	No I don't know anyone from the side of OW. Yes I know I should be calling the shots. But now I can't seem to make any headway. I think I'm the only one who wants to rebuild our marriage. I am really contemplating of giving up. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? txstunnedman #2797330 04/16/14 09:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Thanks for saying that no one deserves this pain. I have been carrying the weight of believing that I deserve this pain because I hurt him 4 years ago. Plus he also brings it up everytime we dight. I just am so confused, hurt, insecure and vunerable. If it wasn't for our son, I could've killed kyslef by now ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? Jedi_Knight #2797334 04/16/14 09:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Believe me jediknight qhen I say that I want to follow what is on the program listed on surviving an affair. I did most of what was in there after I cheated on him 4 years ago. My husband did admit to the therapist that he suddenly trusted me one morning because I did those and more. Now that it is his turn he doesn't want to do all of the same things in the list because ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797335 04/16/14 09:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Because I don't know. I'm so tired. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797336 04/16/14 09:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Do you want to save your marriage? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? BrainHurts #2797347 04/16/14 10:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Yes I do BH. That's why I feel I'm the only one working on it. It is tiring and painful but I am doing it. But I feel like I am staring at a blank wall. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797348 04/16/14 10:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Yes I do BH. That's why I feel I'm the only one working on it. It is tiring and painful but I am doing it. But I feel like I am staring at a blank wall. We understand it's hard. That's why the first thing you need to do to fight for your marriage is to expose his affair. Did you look for OW on Facebook? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? BrainHurts #2797352 04/16/14 11:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Yes I did. Of course her account is restricted but its there. I don't think jer husband is in the friend's list ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797387 04/17/14 08:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Believe me jediknight qhen I say that I want to follow what is on the program listed on surviving an affair. I did most of what was in there after I cheated on him 4 years ago. My husband did admit to the therapist that he suddenly trusted me one morning because I did those and more. Now that it is his turn he doesn't want to do all of the same things in the list because ....because he is in love with the other woman. She is meeting his emotional needs and he loves her. The longer you sit on your hands, the more in love they will be. You need to expose the affair to family and friends and her family and friends. I would also send an exposure letter to the gym since that is where they meet daily. Then, you need to try to be as pleasant as possible while avoiding love busters such as disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts and demands. TODAY, You need to prepare for exposure. Get a list of exposure targets and save them in a safe place. Then use one of the exposure letters posted on this website. When you have your list ready come back here for further instructions. You need to act, because sitting on your hands or crying and wondering about what to do will not save your marriage.

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? Jedi_Knight #2797388 04/17/14 08:45 AM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	Yes I know he's in love with the other woman. I want to expose to our families but he is not close to his family. Actually where I am from our culture on cheating is shameful and should be kept hidden. I made a little progress though. He will give me the access I wanted on his email and phone which are his means of communicating with her. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797389 04/17/14 08:53 AM
Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16 L ladymenefunien OP Junior Member
OP ladymenefunien Junior Member L Joined: Apr 2014 Posts: 16	One thing I hate is that he keeps bringing back what I did as something he couldn't wrap his head around. That it is something unimaginable. I feel the same way more so because he knows how much it hurts. He even told me he would never do such a thing and look where we are now. ladymenefunien

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797392 04/17/14 09:13 AM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Yes I know he's in love with the other woman. I want to expose to our families but he is not close to his family. Actually where I am from our culture on cheating is shameful and should be kept hidden. I made a little progress though. He will give me the access I wanted on his email and phone which are his means of communicating with her. He will create a new email and get another phone

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797393 04/17/14 09:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Yes I know he's in love with the other woman. I want to expose to our families but he is not close to his family. Actually where I am from our culture on cheating is shameful and should be kept hidden. Dr. Harley encourages exposure. We can only offer you Dr. Harley's advice. if you refuse to follow it, your marriage will not recover.

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? Jedi_Knight #2797420 04/17/14 11:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Believe me jediknight qhen I say that I want to follow what is on the program listed on surviving an affair. I did most of what was in there after I cheated on him 4 years ago. My husband did admit to the therapist that he suddenly trusted me one morning because I did those and more. Now that it is his turn he doesn't want to do all of the same things in the list because ....because he is in love with the other woman. She is meeting his emotional needs and he loves her. The longer you sit on your hands, the more in love they will be. You need to expose the affair to family and friends and her family and friends. I would also send an exposure letter to the gym since that is where they meet daily. Then, you need to try to be as pleasant as possible while avoiding love busters such as disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts and demands. TODAY, You need to prepare for exposure. Get a list of exposure targets and save them in a safe place. Then use one of the exposure letters posted on this website. When you have your list ready come back here for further instructions. You need to act, because sitting on your hands or crying and wondering about what to do will not save your marriage. Disregard the post I made above about exposing to the gym owner; I had your case confused with another poster's case

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797430 04/17/14 11:32 AM
Joined: Oct 2013 Posts: 458 L Loyal2afault Member
Loyal2afault Member L Joined: Oct 2013 Posts: 458	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien He has too much pride. Hmm, not so much. Choosing to have an affair does not show pride. Sounds like he would be too embarrassed. Me 52 WW 52 Together 25 years Legally married 08/08/08 DD23 DS21 D-Day June 2011 Separated June 2013 (WW moved in with OW) Plan B October 2013 I filed for D 12/11/14

Re: Is the affair over? Will he forgive me? ladymenefunien #2797436 04/17/14 11:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,435 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by ladymenefunien Yes I did. Of course her account is restricted but its there. I don't think jer husband is in the friend's list Then you need to expose to her list and state that you are trying to contact her husband so you can inform him. When you send the exposure template add: I am trying to reach her husband so he can be informed. If you know how to contact him please have him contact me at xxx-xxx-xxx. When will you be exposing? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

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