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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Sir, you cant afford to stay there.
It is toxic, poison to you.
I would quit job, and move FAR away.
Start over.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Been looking for a different job for last year. Can't afford a pay cut especially now. Wife used to work in same company so everybody seems to know our business. I'm in a bad place full stop. If I try and shut everyone out my head will explode Can you at least transfer?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Works not the problem as the people under my supervision are not involved. It's one person whos heavily involved in both mine and WS lives. They agree with my NC but I can't help myself prying out info.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Works not the problem as the people under my supervision are not involved. It's one person whos heavily involved in both mine and WS lives. They agree with my NC but I can't help myself prying out info. So you're the one prying? They aren't just volunteering the information?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Bit of both really. Spent so long snooping and discovering A finding it hard to break the habit.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Bit of both really. Spent so long snooping and discovering A finding it hard to break the habit. Yes, understand. What can you do to stop talking about her with this person?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Win the war with myself! I know if I ask they will stop. This person has both our interests in hand. Thinks I should be done with her for cheating but supporting my decisions however daft some may be. They were there when we found out she was pregnant and the first there when we lost the chance of parenthood. Someone who can ask the questions I'm afraid to ask myself.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Found I'm just stuck in that circle of looking for answers where there are none. Still frustrated that WS still sees and will probably always see no fault in her actions. Friend was aware of possible EA before Christmas and how things unfolded and agrees with it being an affair not a new boyfriend. Still doesnt change facts. I'm aware that any search for info brings two words to mind, begging and needy. Neither are good. Sounding like a broken record and I'm winding myself up with a need for attention. It's not feeling any easier but hopefully I'm recognising the negative paths.
Tough weekend as should of been with wife at her sisters with kids, part of the price of this self imposed exile
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Found I'm just stuck in that circle of looking for answers where there are none. Still frustrated that WS still sees and will probably always see no fault in her actions. Friend was aware of possible EA before Christmas and how things unfolded and agrees with it being an affair not a new boyfriend. Still doesnt change facts. I'm aware that any search for info brings two words to mind, begging and needy. Neither are good. Sounding like a broken record and I'm winding myself up with a need for attention. It's not feeling any easier but hopefully I'm recognising the negative paths.
Tough weekend as should of been with wife at her sisters with kids, part of the price of this self imposed exile Is this NC because WW sisters knew, enabled, the affair?
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
No ww sister got sucked in too. But she's still her sister, asked her to help save marriage but she doesn't want to take sides, still her sister. Sent Easter greetings to SIL and gifts for kids. Obviously ww there this weekend!
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Can anyone answer me this? She has shown no respect for me, is probably lying when she says she still cares for me and is carrying on her life like I don't exist. Yet I still hold a hope that things can be recovered. Am I delusional?
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Can anyone answer me this? She has shown no respect for me, is probably lying when she says she still cares for me and is carrying on her life like I don't exist. Yet I still hold a hope that things can be recovered. Am I delusional? This is why you're in Plan B. You need to really try and concentrate on your own path and healing. What can you do for yourself today?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Finish work go home go to bed. One minute I feel like going round and setting house on fire(doubt I would) next I want to send her flowers and doubt I tried hard enough before I left!!!!!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
Finish work go home go to bed. One minute I feel like going round and setting house on fire(doubt I would) next I want to send her flowers and doubt I tried hard enough before I left!!!!! This kind of thinking will make you go crazy. Have you been to your doctor for some ADs/Anti-anxiety meds?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
No meds. Just home wind down I've had my vent got my attention!
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Plan B is letting me keep the crazy locked away or put on here not affecting anyone else. To the rest of the world I'm doing good. I updated a friend with my situation earlier today and it felt good to say why I'm staying away. And it felt good to believe myself. Things don't fix overnight just got to hold on to this bumpy ride
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Bluebeck,
Since you already enjoy running I encourage you to take it further.
Pour all of your energy into running.
Run for your life and sanity.
Run in races.
Run a marathon.
Quit smoking tomorrow.
Intensive exercise will KILL depression.
I also encourage you to read the Bible. Specifically, the books of Tobit and Hosea. If you don't own a Bible you can read them online. They are about marriage and adultery and how a woman changed her heart and returned to her busband.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
The battle I'm in is in my mind. I have a light work week. I will run I will read I will do anything I can to keep my mind occupied and my heart too busy to break
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Somewhere over the rainbow is a surprisingly good song to run (bounce) to and not the Judy Garland or Eva Cassidy versions!
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 340 |
Popped to the house to get a few last bits and she's changed the locks! Legally I could break in but there's no reason to. Sensible really as there must be many what ifs going through her mind. What if I've had a few drinks and decide to pay a late visit? I know she's done this in a reaction to my establishing legal rights on the property and I guess it shows her frame of mind. Paranoid? Still if I need anything I can use IM to arrange collection. Plus it stops me wanting to snoop!
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