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[quote=LimeFlamingo] Did he send the no contact letter? What about the extraordinary precautions checklist? Are you both reading Survivng an Affair and making plans? Right after I wrote back to you I went and printed the extraordinary precautions checklist. I will print the sample letter for him now. I am reading Surviving an Affair and will get a copy for him. Thank you!
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[quote=LimeFlamingo] Did he send the no contact letter? What about the extraordinary precautions checklist? Are you both reading Survivng an Affair and making plans? Right after I wrote back to you I went and printed the extraordinary precautions checklist. I will print the sample letter for him now. I am reading Surviving an Affair and will get a copy for him. Thank you! perfect! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody, the reason I have hesitated on the no contact letter is because of the response I got from the OW's husband. I have spoken to him twice and each time he said things I don't think should be posted and I am not sure in this case there should be any contact at all. Would like advice
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Was the OW's H worried about his WW's job security?
In every single case, there should never be contact ever again with the affair partner. It's too easy for the affair to start up and it would be a huge offense to you.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Melody, the reason I have hesitated on the no contact letter is because of the response I got from the OW's husband. I have spoken to him twice and each time he said things I don't think should be posted and I am not sure in this case there should be any contact at all. Would like advice Can you be more specific? I don't understand.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody, the reason I have hesitated on the no contact letter is because of the response I got from the OW's husband. I have spoken to him twice and each time he said things I don't think should be posted and I am not sure in this case there should be any contact at all. Would like advice Do you mean he was abusive? Did he tell you not to make any more contact? That's alright. The NC letter ends all contact anyway, does not allow replies and all retaliatory contact would be blocked because you would have changed all contact details. What specifically did he say?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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What specifically did he say? He told me twice if my husband had anymore contact with his wife he would kill my husband. I just got an email from her husband letting me know he has not found any contact since Sunday. He ask if I could confirm as well. I think he was in shock when I spoke to him on Sunday, he thought all contact had ended three weeks ago when he found out. He also told me he called my husband three weeks ago telling him to stay away from his wife. I have given my husband the no-contact letter and he is going to sign it and I am going to put it in the mail. Thanks for all of your guidance Melody and Indie and everyone else, I am still in shock myself. Your directions have been much appreciated and are helping me stay focused.
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Will you email the OWs husband and tell him you have demanded that your husband send the no contact letter and ask if this is acceptable to him? You can show him the content.
That is so AWESOME that he is contacting you about his intel!! This is exactly how betrayed spouses can work together to kill an affair. GOOD FOR HIM!!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Does your husband know what the OWH said will happen if he contacts her again?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Will you email the OWs husband and tell him you have demanded that your husband send the no contact letter and ask if this is acceptable to him? You can show him the content.
That is so AWESOME that he is contacting you about his intel!! This is exactly how betrayed spouses can work together to kill an affair. GOOD FOR HIM!!! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond my daughter had to go to the hospital. When it rains it pours. I will write her husband back and confirm I have seen no contact I will tell him about the letter and ask if it is ok to send. Her husband wanted to know if I would like him to continue updates and if not he understands.
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Does your husband know what the OWH said will happen if he contacts her again? Yes he knows what her husband said. He had the nerve to get mad at me for calling him. Told me it was a deal breaker for our relationship if anything happens to him or our family,he said I told you not to call him. I told him I told you not to f his wife. I spoke to the OW a year and a half ago when I first discovered and like an idiot I told her if there was no contact I wouldn't tell her husband. The first thing I did after this discovery was call him. They had stayed quiet for three months and then the OW called my husband and they had a full blown relationship. I have hundreds of their emails. I still feel like this is all a bad dream. I am having a hard time getting g the images out of my head.
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He told me he wants to want to be with me. Nothing stopping him from talking nonsense to himself in Plan B while you get a pedicure. Plan B? Not sure why plan be was mentioned but I liked the idea of the pedicure.
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I would definitely provide updates to OW's BH of your Intel. This will help both of you to confirm NC.
Do you know if OWBH will come here to MB, so we may support him also?
Also, don't listen to your WH's fogbabble about not contacting OWBH. You tell him "I will do whatever it takes to protect my marriage".
Hope you daughter is ok.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Will you email the OWs husband and tell him you have demanded that your husband send the no contact letter and ask if this is acceptable to him? You can show him the content.
That is so AWESOME that he is contacting you about his intel!! This is exactly how betrayed spouses can work together to kill an affair. GOOD FOR HIM!!! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond my daughter had to go to the hospital. When it rains it pours. I will write her husband back and confirm I have seen no contact I will tell him about the letter and ask if it is ok to send. Her husband wanted to know if I would like him to continue updates and if not he understands. You DO need to stay in touch with him. With both of you watching on both ends you can kill the affair. Sorry to hear about your daughter! Hope she is doing well.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Does your husband know what the OWH said will happen if he contacts her again? Yes he knows what her husband said. He had the nerve to get mad at me for calling him. Told me it was a deal breaker for our relationship if anything happens to him or our family,he said I told you not to call him. I told him I told you not to f his wife. It concerns me that he is trying to scare you into not contacting the OWH. That makes me believe he is planning on resuming the affair but going further underground. You need to make it clear to him you will be comparing notes on a regular basis. I spoke to the OW a year and a half ago when I first discovered and like an idiot I told her if there was no contact I wouldn't tell her husband. The first thing I did after this discovery was call him. They had stayed quiet for three months and then the OW called my husband and they had a full blown relationship. I have hundreds of their emails. I still feel like this is all a bad dream.
I am having a hard time getting g the images out of my head. I probably don't need to say this, but this is exactly why exposure needs to be done immediately. Affairs thrive on secrecy and that is what has happened here.  Unfortunately, you learned this lesson the hard way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I sent the OW husband a reply to his email letting him know I wanted to remain in contact with him and I told him about the no contact letter I would like to send.
It concerns me too Melody. I have great instincts and am not convinced yet. Right now my husband doesn't seem to show much remorse in my opinion. He wants me to stop talking about everything all the time. He says I wake up in the morning and start talking about the affair or my feelings, and end the day talking about the same. I have read that I must end all affair talk but I am really stuck.
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I hope that anyone debating exposing reads my story and saves themselves a lot of pain. Listen to the regulars here and expose far and wide without hesitation.
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I sent the OW husband a reply to his email letting him know I wanted to remain in contact with him and I told him about the no contact letter I would like to send.
It concerns me too Melody. I have great instincts and am not convinced yet. Right now my husband doesn't seem to show much remorse in my opinion. He wants me to stop talking about everything all the time. He says I wake up in the morning and start talking about the affair or my feelings, and end the day talking about the same. I have read that I must end all affair talk but I am really stuck. LF, once you have all the truth about the affair, it should never be brought up again. What you should be talking about DAILY are the steps for recovery. I know it is tough to not talk about the affair, but it will help you feel better sooner. More importantly, it will help you create a romantic relationship with him if your time together is pleasant and enjoyable. Do you have spy resources in place, such as a GPS tracker and spyware on his phone? I would be watching him like a HAWK right now to make sure it is impossible for him to be in contact.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you have spy resources in place, such as a GPS tracker and spyware on his phone? I would be watching him like a HAWK right now to make sure it is impossible for him to be in contact. I don't have anything in place on his phone. I have not found spyware that didn't require an iPhone to be jail broken, his phone is not. And I am not sure how to go about GPS. He is VERY tech savvy he does that for his business. I have searched the operation investigate and I haven't found anything that would work there. If I turn anything on his phone like find my phone he has turned it off. Open to any and all suggestions. I am NOT tech savvy. Will search the internet for possibilities too. Thanks! My hawk eyes are open. I am home with my daughter now.
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Her husband wrote back and said the letter is ok to send.
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