That is all affair fog babble. In recovery, the above turns into "I have no idea why I said that. I was just messed up."

Check out the forum on thus site called Operation Investgate. There are numerous ways to snoop. Start with a PI if you can. The fact your wife is worried she has as spyware tells you something. Do you know your wife's login to her phone? You should be able to figure it out.

Jo, check this out in OI forum...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2805367#Post2805367

Please read Men, Do not leave your home

Check out that thread discussing http://www.teensafe.com/

LTL

Hire a PI. Private Investigators

You realize that this is already in her head because she is an affair, right?

I don't get the sense reading your postings that you understand that there is absolutely no "repairing" anything until you kill the affair.

I would stop trying to convince her to work on the marriage or argue with her about what she said 8 mos ago, etc. Just follow Plan A - you are working on the marriage regardless of what she says, you are being pleasant calm avoiding lovebusters, marriage talk while you QUIETLY get evidence of the affair. Which should be doable especially ifif you stop badgering her about marital issues. This is just lovebusting for both of you and keeping her on guard.

In addition to spyware, you can also set up a VAR in her car and any room in the house where you think she will use the phone if you and the kids leave her alone for a few hours.

If you are unwilling/unable to do these things then the best thing to do is skip all of that and just hire a PI as others have suggested.

x2. The reason you are depressed is because you are listening to her drunk rambling nonsense.

It will hurt if you believe her. Don't.

We have heard all of this word for word from other wayward wives. Once they are out of the affair they do not even REMEMBER saying this stuff. Ignore it and snoop.

You are getting perfect advice and need to open your eyes. The same fog babble script your WW is giving you has been heard on this board hundreds of times. I have heard the same thing from my fWW and I have seen 30-40 threads over the past 8 months with the same script.

SHE IS IN AN AFFAIR, I can almost guarantee it. Get 2 VAR's (voice activated recorder) and put one in her car (stick it under a seat) and hide one in a room in your house that you notice your WW takes her phone.

Don't listen to anything she says, she is in the throws of addiction right now and everything she says is like a drunk babbling or a drug addict. They say anything and everything to get left alone so they can continue their addiction.

I am not an expert on MB like many others here but I wanted to share some thoughts given my recent experience with my husband.

I trusted my husband fully. I shouldn't have. He had a 4 year affair with an ex when he became on happy with life in general.

I felt happy and loved. My husband continued to be attentive and loving.

I didn't think my husband had time to have an affair. Mostly electronic communication though they spent a few days together each year. He managed this by lying about his whereabouts. He used common situations to explain his activities. He said he was spending the night with a friend who was having a gathering at his cabin (which he has done before) and going boarding at the local mountain. He actually went to that mountain (with her) and spent the night at a lodge w her. So he had pictures from the mountain, reports on the weather, etc. He kept his lies as close to the truth as possible.

My husband became an excellent liar and covered his tracks. He deleted threads online, removed her from Facebook and then established a secret email account, he made sure to close out the account so it was never in the browser and never downloaded the app, stopped for few minutes on his way home (said he was running an errand) to talk to her.

My husband did not end it on his own. I found out and then he had to come clean. Even then he didn't admit the extent. I had to seek the info myself.

My point is, even a busy person can manage to squeeze in an affair and can cover it up. An affair can last even with little physical contact.

(Check her Internet browser history on her phone. Of course, even that can be deleted.)

t/j April, I bumped your thread. Please respond to posts and update. Thanks.

Tee safe is out of the question, I don't know the password, and can't ask, she will know something's up then, dead giveaway.

And something I've noticed, this started about 2 weeks ago, she cringes away when I touch her, even if it's to lend a helping hand. And it wasn't like that before that, I was giving her massages with no question before that.

How do you plan to snoop?

I have no idea, my heart is telling me not to, my brain is telling me to. I kind of don't want to know if it's true or not, because if it's not, and I get caught, I'll look like an [censored]. I've been trying to figure out a way, to walk around it softly. I guess if I decide to, it will be var, but I don't think there is a hidden phone, I would have found it by now.

Can you hire a PI?

Depends on cost I suppose.

Will you call and find out? Private Investigators

Why are scared of getting caught snooping? If you do simply say we are married and we should have transparency. If there is an objection, then you know why.